Today's prompt is " Write down the cure for a broken heart." Self-love.
Today had it's challenges. I was very tired most of the day. I did not sleep well. I had my annual physical appointment by phone in the morning. Caleb had his therapy appointment, which was suppose to be in person, online. We had a major traffic incident that impaired our ability to travel to the office. The fastest route was congested with traffic and police vehicles. Traffic was not moving at all. I don't know the details of what happened. So we called the therapist's office and arranged to meet online instead.
There was a thunder storm today again. I finally got my absentee ballot request in the mail today. I went and picked up Caleb's refill medications from the pharmacy.
Nichole made it home early this morning, Thursday morning that is. She was so appreciative of me talking on the phone with her while she was driving. I kept her entertained and made the trip easier for her. That makes me feel good! I love bullshitting with Nichole. We laugh at the most ridiculous stuff we come up with.
I had a real talk with Caleb today. He doesn't like to hear the truth. He says I'm being a jerk. Truth hurts. He needs to know that he is making bad choices that affect others, to include me. I brought up the trouble with the missing medication. I told him, there are only 2 people in this house, and I didn't do anything with his medication. So... what happened? Where is it? A week's worth of ADHD medication is missing. It did not just disappear by itself. He denies doing anything with it. I don't believe him, but I will do things differently in the future. I have a filing cabinet that locks. I plan on using that for his medications in the future. It's a pain in the ass to have to take these measures, but I can't trust him. He needs his medication, and now he doesn't have it.
I told him I would spank him like a little kid, because he was behaving like a little kid when I told him to go take a shower. He was telling me "No!" You know? I get tired of the bullshit. This isn't a hard thing to do. It's a daily requirement. Caleb is at the age where he has body odor. He needs to wash, especially after playing in the heat outside and getting dirty.
I told him I needed him to unload the dishwasher. He didn't want to do it. Did I ask if he wanted to do it? NO! I said I needed him to do it. I told him he is holding up progress! I have other dishes that need to be put in the dishwasher and I have to wait on him to do his job!
He gets angry at any request to work. I don't know where this stems from, but it is annoying as FUCK. Work is a part of life. It's a huge part of adult-living. You may as well develop methods to "Embrace the Suck!" Just get the job done, and be done with it. Stop dragging your feet, stop the protesting, and just do it! Get 'er done! It's not like he doesn't see me working everyday. I don't know what I am doing wrong. I know it's not me that has the problem. I don't know how to help him change his ways.
I told him that he cares more about cleaning up the Veterans' Park than his own house! It's true. Every chance he gets, he is over there. He picks up trash, and fishing lines left behind. Does he pick up his own trash at home? Hell NO! I have to threaten to take away his video games to get any type of answer other than "NO!" Any other child would just pick up the trash and put it in the trash can. Not Caleb! He has to be defiant and disobedient.
I just cleaned up the kitchen island. It was spotless. Freshly bleached. One day later, and you know what? It's trashed! CALEB! I told him to clean it up. I informed him that I have to keep going round and round in circles with my chores, and never make any progress because he doesn't care enough to do the right things! He doesn't care that I just cleaned the kitchen island. Now it has to be cleaned again! Guess who is doing it this time? Not me! I'm tired of trying so hard, but I want things to be clean. He doesn't fuckin get it. Cleanliness is better for health.
He wants me to help him clean his room. It's about damn time! There are priorities though. I have to have a clean kitchen to cook in. I have to have clean dishes to eat. If I can't get that done, and keep it clean for more than a day, do you think I will ever make it to his room? Probably not. Especially since he won't keep his room clean once we clean it. It stays clean until I walk out of the room. After that it's destroyed again. I'm tired of cleaning his room. He knows how to do it by now. I usually sit in there and do little things, but mostly tell him what to do. He doesn't like it when I tell him what to do, but guess what? That's how it is. Get use to it!
I feel like it's a constant battle here. It sucks. It's draining. It's exhausting. It reduces my quality of life to have to work so much all of the time and get nowhere.
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