It is now 2243 and I just woke up from some beautiful dreams. I don't normally sleep well enough to dream. I never truly fall asleep which is why I'm tired all of the time. I fight to breathe when I lay down. I have sleep apnea and stop breathing in my sleep too. I use a CPAP, and I take medications to help me stay asleep at night, but they don't really help my underlying problems. I woke up with a drive mouth from sleeping with my mouth open, and my water jug gone. I had to get Caleb up to return my water jug to me so I could hydrate. I know I was sleeping deeply when I wake up from sleeping with my mouth open. I have to be able to relax to get the state where being with my mouth hanging open doesn't bother me. I need to breathe through my mouth to get the oxygen I need to sleep peacefully. I breathe deeply when I first lay down and it's hard to maintain through my nose as I drift off. I couldn't be happier. This is just one of those things that "normal" people take for granted. I swear. They have no idea how much I suffer to just live. Everything is a challenge. Nothing is easy for me. Not even sleeping!
I decided to listen to Jana Carrey's "Journey to the Avalon Priestess Temple" because it is one of my favorites. I feel so good through this meditation. I always loved the stories of Merlin. Mother Mary makes an appearance in this meditation.
I got absolutely nothing done today. I binged on biscuits Again. My glucose was 198 when I finally checked it. By then I was already feeling my high glucose symptoms. It was not comfortable and I don't want to go through that again. I admitted to my dad that I'm a food addict. I told him how I binged on biscuits because they were freshly made and I couldn't stop. It was liberating to talk to another person about my struggle. I think about food a lot throughout the day, even when I'm not hungry. Food is always on my mind. It's an addiction like no other because we are biologically in need of food to survive. I just drank so much water. Man I was so thirsty! This past week or so has been Hell on my diet plans. I get worn out quickly and can't cook meals. I fall into relying on ham and cheese to fuel me, but there are no carbs in that. The problem is the brain requires a small amount of carbs a day to function properly. I am allowed up to 30g of carbs daily which should come from my fiber sources of vegetables from the keto list. Alot of times I do not get any carbs which is why my brain struggles to work properly throughout the day, When there is a lack of carbs, the body will turn what it has into a form of carb or sugar to be used. I would be doing better if I ate my vegetables every day. I suffer from chronic constipation because I do not eat enough fiber.
I bought a neck massager that is supposed to help with weight loss. We shall see. I will test it. I bought one to send to my dad too.
My sugar went high and I started feeling symptoms of high blood sugar and wanted to sleep. I slept and got nothing done. Caleb woke me up to give him some medications, and I checked my blood sugar. I called my dad to find out what to do with my blood sugar at 198. He asked if I had any insulin. I do not have insulin. I took 2,000 mg of Metformin (my old dose) earlier than usual in the hopes that it would bring my glucose level down more quickly and I would have some relief from the high feeling I was feeling. I had a pressure headache and kind of uncomfortable tingling across my body like I was high.
I tried to get Caleb to pick up the dirty laundry in his room. I do not know if he made any progress because I did not check what he said he did. I need to when we get up tomorrow though. He is sleeping now. It was a peaceful sunny day outside today. It was beautiful outside. Thank God we did not get hit hard by Hurricane Ian. I was worried. I always worry about hurricanes during hurricane season. They are unpredictable. There is reason to worry.
I never made it to taking a shower, but I hope to do that later in the morning. I am burping up last night's dinner flavors. I had the crockpot meal because it is full of vegetables that I needed for the day. I just took the apothecary/Jana Carrey made tincture in my Diet Mountain Dew. It's an herbal creation made to help me heal from trauma.
I am losing my time to get started on my paper. I am more than aware of that. I wish I could just avoid toxic decisions but I'm human. I have been generally low-carb for about 5 or 6 months now. I'm ready for the next 6 months now. I do not feel like I am giving up foods that are good for me. I know they taste good, but they make me feel badly. I have come a long way from where I began. I am proud of myself for my accomplishments this far.
Oh! Drinking so much water tonight.
It is nice and cool in here. I am not cold. I am not burning from inflammation currently. I am not feeling pain right now. I am in good condition for the time being. Rest matters. Rest makes a difference.
Bubba tore up his new bed so he is being demoted to a washable blanket.
Bella spent all day by my side. I love them both so much.
Monday begins week 9 of my 10 week class. I am not looking forward to writing this long paper, but I am looking forward to being done with it. Today is October first. Hocus Pocus 2 was released yesterday. It is Halloween season now.
While I waiting for my Metformin to work and bring my glucose down, I spent a long time doing some self-created thought loops, aka meditation. Here are some of the things that occurred to me:
I am ALWAYS connected to Source.
I am open to Source.
I receive from Source.
I project white light.
I am surrounded, encompassed, filled and over-flowing with white light.
I love.
I emit love.
Source loves me.
I am loved by Source.
I am healed by Source.
Source heals me.
Source healed me.
And so it is
Please and Thank You.
The exact words are important to me to repeat in my thoughts. They are my truths and are powerful as intentions and in manifesting. I have found that through my studies these are the basics that will lead me to where I want to be in trusting myself, trusting love, and trusting Source.
The actual meditation part of the audio has started, so I am going to pay attention this time.
I applied for my absentee ballot yesterday. I will vote! Just not at the poll where I might have to wait in a long line. I am trying to make sure my dad and Dona Sharon vote too. I don't understand why some people think it's ok to determine what I do with my own body.
I'm getting sleepy again. My belly is full of fluids. I have been drinking water, sugar-free sweet tea, and Diet Mountain Dew. I feel like I am fully hydrated now. I feel better. I will wait for this meditation to end.
One of the things Jana Carrey says is "allowing other people their journey. That is true compassion." I am learning. I do not have to rescue anyone, and no one has to rescue me. She uses the word "sovereignty."
I'm getting ready to go back to sleep.
Sweet dreams!
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