It is now 0358 and I have taken my medications. Yesterday I mailed the two books that were pre-ordered. One went to my Aunt Lisa and the other went to my Granny. They were from the first shipment of Let Go or Be Dragged, by Sheila Farr that I contributed to. I forwarded Christinia's mail while I was at it. Caleb and I went to Food Lion after seeing that we were at the post office before they opened. I restocked on diet Mountain Dew and water. I bought Vienna sausages for a fat/protein snack to have around.
I ate 3 hard boiled eggs for breakfast. I made 2 giant salads at lunchtime. One was for lunch yesterday, and the other for lunch today. I used Balsamic Vinaigrette dressing. I also ate blueberries for the first time in a long time. I ate them one at a time to avoid eating the whole container at once. I had a keto ice cream bar for a mid-afternoon snack. I grilled tri-color peppers, sweet onion, and mushrooms with a steak for dinner. To my surprise my numbers were good! I had 0.6 in ketones and 103 glucose after eating dinner! I need a 0.5 or higher ketone reading to be in ketosis. I want my glucose around 100 for the most part. So... I only needed to take 2 Metformin pills last night. I was soo happy!
I began working on my paper that is due on Sunday yesterday. I feel like I got a good start. I had to create a Word document to break down the instructions so I could take notes and fill in the blanks. There is a lot of stuff that I will have to reread and/or look up because I don't have the information in my memory to answer the questions. I'm just glad I got started. It's supposed to be 7-9 pages long when I am done with it, not including the title page or reference page(s).
I tried to get Caleb to work, but he got distracted by other things like his fishing pole, and playing with a hyper Bubba. I hope that he gets more stuff done today.
I am going to concentrate my energy on writing my paper today. I have so much that I have to go back and find to include in my paper. The idea behind this paper is to plan out my career. It's a big job. There are a lot of questions to be answered that were included in the instructions template. Thank God this time there is a template! At least I have some guidance on how to fill these 7-9 pages, and I won't have to decide on my own what's expected. That takes so much energy.
Caleb has two appointments this afternoon. One is with his psychiatrist, and the other with his therapist. I am going to bring up that Caleb has problems cleaning up after himself and following simple instructions.
Caleb was listening to rap yesterday. He was listening to Eminem and 50 Cent, the music I listened to when I was in high school. I think it's kind of funny because I feel so old.
I chatted with Rachel yesterday. She is a friend I have had since freshman year in high school. We chatted about losing weight, and she is open to doing the keto diet with me. I think I might have some supplies I can send to her. I have to look.
I received confirmation of my absentee ballot request yesterday. It is on its way.
I talked to my dad yesterday. He wanted me to look something up for him. I asked him why Dona Sharon couldn't do it. I told him I couldn't do it because I needed to work on my homework. It was about getting his credit reports. I asked why she couldn't just go online and request them? Frustrating as Hell is what it is. Like I can't do stuff for my dad because it's one thing after another and then I don't have time to do my own stuff. Dona Sharon is right there with him and benefits from getting the things done that he needs to get done, why doesn't she do the work? I'm overbooked! I can't even do what I need to do to get on track again because Caleb isn't helping me in the way that I need him to. I have so much on my plate right now. I have long lists of things I need to do. I can't take on any more.
I never finished listening to that meditation audio yesterday. I must have really needed a break. I don't feel like listening to anything today. I am just typing in silence and letting my thoughts air out.
My friend, Brenda, is on a road trip since yesterday. I asked her to keep me aware of where she is and that she made it safely. I worry. It's a trip from down the street all the way to somewhere in Texas and back.
I made adjustments to my Facebook business page to be able to sell the three books that I have contributed to. I have not been working on the book that I am editing right now. I have been in a rut trying to get things done. The Fall Equinox was not that long ago, and the season changed. There are fewer hours in the day when the sun is shining outside. It takes its toll on me. The cooler temperatures have rolled in which I am happy about. I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, which just means I have a tendency to get depressed without the sun constantly shining on me during the Fall and the Winter. I am holding up ok for now. I already went through the binging of carbs which I am prone to do around this time of year. Something in my body screams feed me, and I have to comply, even though I am not necessarily hungry. It's over for now. The holidays are challenging because all these non-keto foods are around and they smell and look so good to eat. It's hard to say no to them, but I think I will be able to this year. I really want to try to lose 100 pounds by February which is my 1 year anniversary for getting serious about Virta.
I have invested in a lot of keto cookbooks. I might create my own Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner from things I find in them. That would be awesome except that I have an aversion to cooking according to recipes. I get overwhelmed by the instructions. I will have to start reading early on so I can work around that.
I think I have been drinking a lot less Diet Mountain dew lately, and a lot more water. I drink at least a gallon of water a day. I also drink Sugar-free sweet tea and Propel. I take electrolyte supplements because it is easier on my body than drinking Propel. Propel has a tendency to raise my blood sugar, even though it is sugar-free.
Caleb said he doesn't want to go trick-or-treating this year. I think I will offer to buy him one bag of candy instead. It's sad that my son is getting older so quickly. Where does the time go? I still remember him as a little guy, only a toddler. I would carry him everywhere I went. I had to. He would run off and not hold my hand when I needed to protect him. I miss holding my son in my arms. I am so glad I had a baby. I am not glad about the circumstances under which that happened, but I did want a baby eventually. I was hoping to be in a loving marriage when I eventually became pregnant, and to have my pregnancy celebrated. I was not, and it was not. I wanted a family of at least two children because I grew up with Mathew and I wanted my children to have a similar bond for life. Things don't always happen as we want them to, unfortunately.
I am proud that I have made this far as a single mother who is a disabled veteran. I did not have much help. I never really had a support system I could rely on. I lived in fear when Caleb was younger because his speech was delayed due to being Autistic and he was unable to communicate to others for years beyond what is normal. I feared the what-ifs. I made it through a lot.
I wish I would have had more help. I wish things were different. I am slowly coming into my own power and seeing what a beautiful Beast I am to have overcome all the challenges and obstacles I was faced with. I am more powerful than I tend to believe.
I read helpful memes every day to align myself with what I truly believe underneath the fear that I have lived with for so long. I can't wait to have time to read the books I have waiting for me. Right now I am focused on reading for school, but when that is over I can choose what I want to read next!
I have about 2 weeks left of this class and then I'm done. I don't think it's wise to continue to pursue this degree at this point in time. I'm going to take a break and reassess the situation, but I don't think anything will change my mind. Caleb requires ALL of my attention during the day. I want to give him most of my attention and teach and train him in the ways I believe are important.
I wish I could code a new app for kids to learn all subjects. I coded when I was studying for bachelor's degree at UNCW as part of my Management of Information Systems Business degree concentration. Coding languages change so rapidly that what I studied is now not as relevant as it once was.
I wish I could create a video game that makes learning all subjects fun with an emphasis on helping children with special needs. My last paper was about the use of video games to supplement ABA therapies on children with ASD. Why couldn't I create something based on what I now know? Maybe there is a way.
There is only one zoom meeting left of Unleash Your Life, and I am not even going to try to go. The timing is so hard to keep up with. I wake up early every day and being awake at 7pm and sitting in front of a computer for 2 hours on a zoom call is not something I can do anymore. I'm normally in bed by 6pm. My body is normally exhausted from working all day, even if it is just doing my school work. My body takes on stress from everyday activities and magnifies it to life or death threatening levels because of my Autistic traits, anxiety, and C-PTSD. My fibromyalgia reacts to this perceived stress and creates pain signals throughout my nervous system in my whole body. Tell me one person who would endure that all day and add more to that at the end of the day. I did, but I'm not doing it anymore. I sit with veterans who have no idea. I try to relate and be friendly... it feels so fake to me. Everyone is only out for themselves and are not looking to create and maintain meaningful relationships out of this group. Like how can you spend 2 hours a week with people for about 10 weeks and not bond? I don't know, but that's what happened to me. We are just so different. The only thing we have alike is that we were chosen for this group. It's not like I didn't try. After all, I got a scholarship to go. I feel badly about quitting, but not enough to change my mind. I don't feel badly about things that are out of my control any more. My body does its own thing and I just have to work with it to the best of my ability. I am currently pursuing alternative methods to deal with Fibromyalgia flare-ups which had me down for more than a week. Did anybody message me to see if I was ok? Nope! Does anybody care? Nope! So Fuck it! Why should I care?
I asked my mom by text message to let my Granny know that the book she ordered is on its way. I don't know what my Granny and Pepere's status is right now. I don't know if they made it home safely or if their residence was damaged from Hurricane Ian.
I think I am ready for my breakfast. I made enough hard boiled eggs to have breakfast ready for the week.
Have a blessed day!
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