It is now 0127 and I have been awake for about 15 minutes. I just ate a pint of blueberries. It was my last one and so delicious. Yesterday was a tough day. I was tired, achy, and sore all over. Presumably from the panic attack I endured the day before. I submitted my paper in the morning with no new edits. I tried to make it better one last time, but couldn't get myself into gear and just wanted to be done with it. I received my grade a few hours later. I thought maybe I earned an 85 based on the grading rubric. I earned a perfect 100! The paper was worth 25% of my total grade. I submitted my discussion post and responses yesterday morning too, as well as completed my quiz. When I received my final paper grade, that was the ned of my semester. Today is the last day of class, but I have completed all my work already. I rested in bed all day after that.
My dad had his VA C&P exam yesterday at noon. I got a call in the early afternoon just when I was about to call my dad that he was in the hospital. Dona Sharon and I did know which hospital he was taken to. He fainted while at the exam appointment. Later Dona Sharon let me know where my dad was. My dad's blood pressure was dangerously low. His blood sugar was fine. He was given fluids to raise his blood sugar at the ER.
I caused myself a panic attack over my paper the day before leading me to have chest pain. I worked all day on my paper. I was going to work late but decided to go to Michal's Next Step program orientation at 7:00pm.
Yesterday I applied for a full scholarship for the Next Step program. I emailed Michal letting her know my financial situation. I hope I get it. She scheduled a phone call with me for Monday morning.
I also applied for a partial Revelation Breathwork scholarship. I was awarded a $2,000 scholarship for the trauma breathwork program. Now I have to figure out how to pay the rest.
Caleb woke up.
I drank about half a gallon of water since waking up.
Today is probably going to be another rest day. I am not in pain now, but that doesn't mean I won't be in pain later when I get back up.
Caleb saw his former elementary school's SRO, Officer Viney, at Food Lion yesterday. We went out to get salad vegetables for me to make my dinner. I got home and wasn't able to make my salad. My body was too sore and I was too tired.
I am going to get my medications and supplements ready to take. BRB
Ok Caleb and I have both had our medications. Caleb is really talkative this morning.
I wonder if my dad is awake, I kind of want to listen to a meditation.
I made it. I made it to the completion of my class. I am so relieved! I finally got that paper written. I did not write as well as I wanted to. Yes, I got a 100, but honestly I think the professor was tired of reading papers and gave me the grade. LOL I did as much as I could to that paper and was driving myself crazy over it. That's why I had the panic attack.
I am listening to Erica Rock's "Gift of Divine Grace."
I tried this Swanson's brand Rhodiola, Holy Basil, and Valerian 3 in 1 supplement before I went to bed last night. I think that helped calm my nervous system for me to recover.
For the past 2 days I have not kept up with my personal hygiene. Normally I follow a morning routine that includes personal hygiene. I began working on my paper before completing my morning routines the day before yesterday and yesterday. My hair is a mess and I smell like sweat. I need a shower.
I am happy to be able to rest without worries about assignments or papers.
I really hope to be awarded the scholarship for Michal's Next Steps program. It includes everything I need to know about starting a Reiki business, and I mean everything. If I could offer services, I could make grocery money and pay my debts off faster. She only offers this program once a year, so if I do not enroll this year, it will be 12 months before I have another chance. I am more interested in her program than the breathwork program, but ideally I would be able to do both.
I really want to breathe into this no-more-school break. I want to feel all that stress I've carried this quarter just melt away. I want to be calm and peaceful, not distressed.
I will be ready to cuddle with Bella after this meditation. I am so relaxed right now. Just letting my worries fall away. No more class worries. No more Unleash Your Life worries. I am ok. I made it. I did the best I could do. I did what I could. It is enough. I am enough.
I work so hard to do well. I work so hard to keep up. It's draining. I'm so tired.
I shared with Rachel that I am in the process of unmasking my Autism. I let her know that I am more sensitive than I ever let anyone know, and things impact me more now that I am being true to myself. Also, I told her that I am letting my armor that I have from being abused and traumatized, fall away slowly. I am growing into the true me. I am releasing the expectation to be like everybody else. It is a process.
I just finished the meditation. I am ready to lie down with Bella and rest again.
Have a blessed day and thank you for reading!
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