Sunday, August 9, 2020

5 Year Journal Day 82

      Today's prompt is "Jot down a news story from today." Trump signed an executive order to prolong unemployment pay and defer payroll tax.

     It is 2:33 a.m. here now. I am wide awake. I woke up because I had to use the bathroom. I had a few bites of limited edition Publix brand Pina Colada ice cream, and no it wasn't sugar-free, but it was delicious! Caleb got up for the same reason too. I found the deodorant I bought a few days ago that I did not put away. It's nice and cold in here. Just the way I like it. I'm not looking forward to my electric bill next month. I was thinking I would switch to Diet Sprite if I can. The caffeine might be contributing to my pain, so I want to try a different diet soda. I was reading on the Facebook Page that I follow about fibromyalgia, the stories of others with fibromyalgia. I wanted to get some other ideas of what might work for me for the pain. Unfortunately, I did not find that there was much that I haven't already tried. I wish marijuana was legal here. I would totally get a medical card and use it for my pain. 

     I've heard of a few people trying to narrow down what is causing the flare ups. There are a few who have changed their diets to what is pretty much no carb, no sugar, no caffeine, no soda and feel better. I don't want to to think I have to live that way for the rest of my life. Bread and past are too delicious. I love carbonation in my drink at times, and I don't like seltzer. 

     I make sure I rest. I have been sleeping better, but not enough to make up for the lack of adequate sleep in the past. Caleb woke me up yesterday morning at 7:45 a.m. It was Saturday! Is nothing sacred?! Oh man! I could've slept for hours. 

     Yesterday I rested in bed for most of the day. I wanted to have a working day, but my body and mind said no. I wanted to work on the living room and make it the way I want it. I suffered too much on Friday, so I needed to rest on Saturday.

     Caleb was overly hyperactive yesterday. He was driving me nuts. He took his medication but could not just chill out. I needed a break. 

     Caleb applied pain relief cream on my back, shoulders, and neck for me though. I appreciate that a lot. It really does help me. I contacted my primary care provider about other medications for the pain, and she won't prescribe anything else. I guess I'm just supposed to suffer. I contacted my neurologist too, but haven't heard from him yet. 

     I don't have a lot to report. I wasn't really active yesterday. I barely functioned at all. 

     I have to get on the ball with my diet. I only have until the end of December before I see my primary care provider again. I'm sure she will do a lab around then. I want my A1C to be lower than before, and the only way to do that is to stop eating normally. It's not going to be easy with all those holidays coming up, to say no. 

     I have been taking 4 different supplements that are supposed to help fight inflammation. I don't know if they are worth the cost to continue them. I will finish the supply I have and not re-order. I was thinking of trying CBD oil supplements. I am short on money right now though. I spent a lot of money I did not have in hand to move the furniture here. There has to be a better way to live my life. I feel like I am constantly needing to recover from something. I am already thinking I will never lose this weight. I don't have the energy to exercise. I barely have enough energy to get the dishes washed, the laundry washed, dinners cooked, the grocery shopping done, and the bills paid. As a matter of fact, I am constantly behind! 

     I don't know how I ever made it through years of the Army, years of college on campus, or even years of being a single parent. It's nothing short of a miracle. 

     It's still hot as hell outside during the day. We have back to back high heat index days. The fall is just around the corner., hopefully. I can't wait to be able to wear my leggings and jeans again. I want it to get cold enough for me to wear my sweaters. I sweat so much that I don't usually wear them. 

     There was a problem with the VA processing my dental appointment bill, and they did not pay it. I do not know what the problem was, but I hope they are able to communicate with each other and fix it. I do not have money to pay bills that the VA is supposed to be paying on my behalf. 

     I have to come up with money to haul away my old furniture. Right now, it is located on the screened in porch, but it won't be long until someone reports it to the town and they threaten to fine me. The last time I hauled away furniture to the dump is cost me $500. It was a lot of stuff. It is a lot of stuff this time too. 

     I still haven't had the Volvo inspected, which is required before I pay the property taxes and registration.

     School is starting on August 17th and I have got to get my paperwork in. We bought school supplies and I feel more prepared now, but I have to register with the state 5 days before my home school is set to start, and withdraw Caleb from his middle school. I have on my wish list a laptop computer for Caleb. 

     I want to have the living room furniture arranged properly so it's one less thing we have to worry about when school starts. The Summer flew by! 

     I have really let myself go this past week. I am in desperate need of a good shower. I just ... can't keep up with my life. 

     I have a scab that is taking forever to heal. Scabs bother me so much. I just want to pick at them! Ugh!

     I can't wait to share how my living room will look once it's complete. 

     Caleb is asleep on the new couch. He keeps trying to get me to lay down on it with him to try it out. LOL I've been too exhausted and fatigued to try it out. I go right to my bed, because I don't want to have to get back up. Bella never got up from the bed. I think she loves the bed as much as I do. Sponge Bob is on in the living room, and Harry Potter is on in my room. I'm drinking my diet Dew, and vaping this morning. I feel ok. I'm not being pulled to the floor in agony this morning. 

     Nobody ever prepares you to live a non-normal life. I never expected to become disabled. I never expected to not be able to work. I am extremely fortunate to not be homeless. I am blessed to have food and clean water. I should be thanking God everyday for the amenities provided to me when I needed it most. While I feel I do not deserve the diseases, conditions, and health problems I have, I also feel that I have been well taken care of one way or another. I don't know how I managed to pull it off, because it didn't happen without my work. In that way, I guess I can think of myself more as being successful rather than feeling like a loser for not being able to compete with normal people. 

     I would have had to make different choices if my Aunt Lisa had not stepped in and helped me this whole year. I would have had to not pay some of my bills just to survive. I am grateful for her continued assistance. One day, I hope to repay her in some way. 

     I can't believe we actually were able to have our family photo shoot this summer! I am still so happy about that. I can't tell you how important it was for me to have someone else takes pictures of Caleb and me at the beach. The funny thing about that is that we spend so little time at the beach, even though it is just a couple miles away. I cannot stand the summer sun to take him out there. 

     Ahh.. I just chugged water. It is now 3:38 a.m. here. So yeah, looking back this year, so much has happened, and the year is not over yet! Please no more hurricanes!

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