Today's prompt is "What are you running from at this moment?" Abso-fucking-lutely nothing.
It is now 12:37 a.m. here. Yesterday was an interesting day. I woke up tired, but ok. I slowly got ready to meet up with Billy Gore in Wilmington. He wanted to celebrate the New Year with some steaks or something. We got there around noon. I wanted to eat at the Chinese buffet because I knew I could get full there, rather than trying to cook at Billy's house. So, he needed to go to Walmart to cash a check first, and we went. Then we went to lunch. I had my usual first plate of mushrooms, lo mein, General Tso's chicken, and mixed vegetables, with a side of Wonton soup. I enjoyed fried fish, egg rolls, and spring rolls, and more fried fish, and mushrooms. I did not leave until I was full. I was not going to cook dinner. This was my only meal for the day, and I had a reason for overeating. I was desensitizing myself to deal with Jamie.
I messaged Jamie on Facebook while waiting for Billy at Walmart.
Me: I just want you to know that I have been trying to reach you ever since I found out I was pregnant. I wanted you to be there for Caleb's birth. I wanted there to be conversations between us as to what we would do. It's been 12 years about 4 months. I could not find you all this time. It is such a relief to know that you are Alive! I carried so much guilt all these years regarding Caleb. I hope we can chat soon about how to proceed from here. I hope you are well. Be safe.
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After we ate lunch, Billy went to Gabe's and I went to the Mazda to cool off in the air conditioning. That is when I saw Jamie's response.
Jamie: I have no idea who you are we have never met before I've told you this
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Me: Caleb has your DNA. He is your son. You not knowing who I am is a personal problem since I don't determine where you put your sperm.
Jamie: Umm I remember Korea and I slept with 1 person the intire time I was there and it wasn't u so I'm sorry but just cuz he has my 4th cuz DNA don't mean has mine
Me: He's Peggie's grandchild
Explain that
Great grandchild
Look. I don't have patience for you to come to terms. Either you take a dna test and prove me wrong, or he's yours. I can report rape and check Caleb's DNA against DOD Dna bank if I have to. But then you're getting charged. Your choice
Jamie: U didn't even know what the fuck I look like ur just looking for a check Billy and I aren't blood related I seriously have no fuckin clue whou are we never met in Korea when did you even get pregnant
Me: April 2008
I met you once in my life and you got my ass pregnant
Caleb is directly related to Peggie Bartolotta, your grandmother
It shows on both their dna tests
I didn't date you
We weren't friends
I was only at Camp Casey for 4 days
Jamie: I am not blood related to Billy at all ur not getting this
Me: But you are related to Peggie
Jamie: When we're u at casey
Me: That's what I'm looking at
About the third week of April 2008
Jamie: Ya I was already back state side so ya sorry for ur luck I was at ft Lewis then
Me: You're a liar too
It's ok
Take the hard way
I was trying to offer grace
You want to be a rapist on record
That's your choice
Jamie: No I'm not and I'm trying to tell u that ur looking at the wrong person I'm sorry
I hope 1day u can figure it out but I'm not his father we never met and I didn't sleep with u
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Hours later.
Me: If I buy you an AncestryDNA test, will you take it?
Just so you know, I went to the police station today to file charges. The office was closed, so I intend on going again tomorrow.
Jamie: And just so u know I don't fuckin know u never met u and never slept with U. U didn't even know what I looked like for fuck sake so stop harassing me please
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And that's where we are on that.
After Billy went to Gabe's , I took him to Sam's Club to do some grocery shopping. Once done there, I took him to the bank and then back home. Caleb and I made it home before dark, which I like.
I did not come straight home, though. I went to the police station to report rape, but the office was closed. I was confused. I thought the police station never closed.
Caleb asked why we were going to the Town Hall. I told him I had to do something. He followed me into the Town Hall, even though I thought he would stay in the van. "Why are we here?" Then I told him that I needed to do something I should have done a long time ago. I told him his biological father raped me, and that's how I got pregnant. I had to explain a few things about consent and being intoxicated, but it took less than 5 minutes for Caleb to understand why I needed to do what I needed to do, and be ok with it.
Thank God for my track record with Caleb. 12 years, 9 months, and some days of unconditional love goes a long way. He was not angry at me. He was not sad about his biological father. He supported me.
I have been keeping Stella and Billy A. Johnson-Honey abreast of the situation in complete detail.
I did not really want to talk about it with my family, but wanted the support of the women in my family. I did end up having brief exchanges with Aunt Lisa and my mom by text. Neither of them want to see me get hurt. They are both worried about the future outcome. I am not. I feel fully ready to handle whatever comes at me. I am not the criminal, he is. I am the survivor.
That's alot for one day, huh? Yeah. I did not get taken over by emotion. I was desensitized by the overeating I had done at the buffet. The book was right. Empaths do overeat to desensitize, and I do that alot. This time, though, I did it mindfully, and enjoyed every bite of it. I knew what I was doing. I did not allow my emotions to control me. I am very proud of that. Being a highly sensitive person, that is not always the case. I did not shut down either. I continued my day and had a good day despite Jamie's stupidity.
It is now 1:28 a.m. here. Caleb is alseep on the couch cushions on the living room floor. I love my baby. Bella is sleeping with him now I think.
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