Early 2000's

     So, let's go back to the time between when I had to drop out of college at UNCG and when I enlisted. I struggled to keep jobs. I was too energetic to sit at a desk all day, but those were the jobs I applied for. I worked for a small company called Cost Analysts, Inc. for a brief period. I was happy at first, but it was only a part time job. I quickly outgrew my responsibilities , but there was nowhere to go. There were only 4 people in the whole company. I earned my first promotion and raise. I was proud of myself. At least I was making a paycheck. The office was lit by fluorescent lights and there were no windows into the office. I was totally cut off from what was happening outside for my hours long shift, and I didn't like it.
     Nigel and I had moved in together after the Summer of 2002. I knew I couldn't afford to go back to school and live on campus. I also knew how much of a headache it was to commute and try to find parking. I didn't know what I was going to do. After talking with the financial aid office, I managed to secure on-campus housing though. I think I was old enough to apply for a private student loan in my own name. I shared a room in a one of the tower dorms with a friend I had persuaded to move to UNCG that I knew from high school. She was previously going to a private college that was really expensive and small. She hated it. I wasn't serious about school. I was faking the funk. I knew it was what I was expected to do. I knew I needed a college education to get a job that I could pay my bills with. I was more interested in Nigel. He lost his roommate at some point, and couldn't afford his apartment by himself. Then he lost his job a few weeks later. There were a few nights he slept in my bed with me in my dorm room because he had no where to go. We were seeing each other almost every day, if not every day at that point. I wanted to spend all my time with him. He was falling into depression, after suffering so many losses at once. I was trying to keep him going. Giving him hope for the future. He had his vehicle repossessed when he couldn't make the payments, and I think that was what pushed me to move in with him. I wasn't focused on my classes. I didn't even know what program to follow, or what degree I wanted to graduate with. My head was somewhere else. I had a vehicle at the time, and so moving in with him, I would let him drive my vehicle to work. I quit school at some point. I was falling into depression. I had no connection to the student body at all, except my roommate, who was very different from me. I just didn't feel like I belonged. Nobody knew my name. There were no friendly faces that I could recognize. 
     I mentally and financially supported Nigel for a while. It took a few temp jobs to find a position that was hiring full time. He eventually ended up with a position working for TIMCO at the airport. We moved to a cheaper apartment, in a not so good area. We lived there for some years. I tried to go back to school at Guilford Technical Community College, but couldn't complete a class. I was struggling with my identity and purpose. We struggled financially to make ends meet. I had other jobs that I ended up quitting. They weren't the right fit for me and I could feel it in the air when I went to work. I did not know what it meant to be an empath or highly sensitive person. I think that is why I was struggling anytime I had to be with other people. It stressed me out and made me feel crazy.
     Nigel had always been a marijuana smoker. Eventually, I started smoking too. It really made me relax and sleep, and eat of course. I had no friends. I lost contact with the few I knew before quitting UNCG, and didn't make friends later. I couldn't find people who resonated with me. I totally relied on Nigel to be my everything. He supported us financially for some years. I became the unmarried house wife and home maker. I fell into harder drugs, with him. It got to where we would stay up all night "partying." We would make ourselves sick. It really didn't make any sense, but the temporary escape from reality was addicting. I was gaining weight. I didn't like how I looked. I had no social circle. I had no job for the most part. I had no dreams for the future. I was completely lost.
      When I went to Ft. Benning, GA with my dad and his partner to watch Mathew's basic training graduation, I desperately needed a major lifestyle change. I knew it on some level. I was basically killing myself slowly, and being miserable in the meantime. Seeing my brother in his uniform and how his attitude had changed, was everything I needed. I don't think he knows how much he influenced me. I truly was inspired! He had written me while he was in training, and my heart called for his safety. I love Mathew... we share a history. Nigel and I had been flirting with the idea of marriage for some time. We didn't want to do anything until we had money, but we would dream together. We thought about how beautiful our babies would be. I had met his family, and he had met mine. We spent holidays at my dad's when I wasn't at my mom's.
      When I came home, I knew I wanted to contact Mathew's recruiter. I met Sgt. McCord and set into motion actions that would lead to my first enlistment. Nigel wasn't happy about my decision. He felt I was making life choices for myself without him, and he was right. I didn't realize it at the time, but he was part of my problem. He was the reason I resorted to drugs. Nothing like peer pressure to get you to do things you don't necessarily want to do.
     It was also during that time I began researching spiritual abilities and the paranormal. I still managed to buy and read books from time to time. The bookstore was one of my favorite places to be.