Exhaustion

     I had such a busy week last week. Some days I had appointments back to back to back. By Friday I was burned out. I had to take the weekend off, and by that I mean doing absolutely nothing all weekend. It was so hard! By body was in pain all day, everyday, which is not my normal. It is not uncommon because I have fibromyalgia, but I have been doing so good in the recent weeks! So I just had to rest. The fatigue and whole body pain is telling me that I am working too hard, and need a break.
      I live with all the medical conditions I listed in an earlier post, so I deal with different things everyday. For instance, the pain use to be a daily issue. You see, my stress levels have a lot to do with how much pain I am in. The more stress I'm under, the more pain I feel, and vice versa.
      This COVID 19 stay at home order has been a blessing to me. I have been able to do more throughout the day, which makes me happy. I spend less time traveling to appointments, and more time actually in the appointments. I have all this time with Caleb and Bella. It's fantastic! I love them both so much.
      All of a sudden, I have a craving for a black cherry vanilla milkshake. I love those, but I've been watching my sugar intake. So cool thing I want to mention. Totally unrelated to anything, after Caleb tried to use his whole body weight to move the refrigerator over an inch, and I couldn't, I moved it with a butt bump! LOL He asked "How did you do that?" I said, "Magic."
      So, I meet with the WoVen women veteran's group on Sundays, and I am about to graduate from the 8 week program. I don't want it to be over. I really enjoy the company of other women veterans.
      This week is going to be another busy week, and I am not really looking forward to all the work involved. Whew! So much work, especially house work. I tell you, if I could afford it, I would have a maid service.
      I reviewed my goals' lists yesterday. I am not accomplishing the things I want to accomplish in a timely manner. It's kind of depressing, but it's not like I'm not working towards them. It's just taking longer than I expected, and time is moving slower since being stuck at home. I'm proud of my efforts to communicate more, though. I am reaching out to family members I have never met in person, including those who live in Brazil. It feels good to be loved, you know? For so long, I felt alone and unrelated to anyone, but that's not true. That is a lie. My mind was playing tricks on me. I actually have a large family of people who are more than willing to get to know me, and love me. I carried so much guilt and shame for so long, and I am finally able to shed that weight. I am able to tell my story, and not judge myself for the actions I took with the knowledge I had at the time. It may have taken me 37 years, but I'm glad it didn't take any longer.
      I'm thinking about using my 5-year journal for journal entry prompts. I'm running out of things to write, as I've already poured my heart out. As always, it's early in the morning, 1:31 am, and I'm ready to get a snack and go lay down. Thanks for reading!