Saturday, December 5, 2020

5 Year Journal Day 196

      Today's prompt is "Do you have a secret? More than one?" Yes I have at least one secret.

     It is now 5:38 a.m. here. Yesterday I did what I set out to do. I brought Donna her gift bag. I drove the Volvo to bring it to her. So that means, I jumpstarted the Volvo and got it moving. We drove it back home after that, because it looked like it was going to rain. Then we picked up the Mazda, and went to Southport to find a jeweler who could repair my Jack Storms ring. Caleb wanted to bring Bella, so she came for the ride.

     Along the way, we stopped at a traffic light. I told Caleb to look up at the sky. He said "That's an Osprey!" As we were sitting there, it passed directly over us, flying pretty low! It was so awesome! I have not been around anything military related since I last saw Mathew. It made me feel connected, even though I had nothing to do with the Osprey's mission.  

     First I went to Renee's Jeweler's. Everything sparkled so vividly in there! After I pointed out that I did not have a gemstone, but glass in the ring, I was referred to a master jeweler across the street at Wade's Jewelry. I was to take my ring to Murray. So that's what I did. I had to wait my turn, as there was an older man already working with him. Once it was my turn, I think I thoroughly impressed Murray with my ring. I told him the backstory, and he was delighted to tell me that he would be able to repair my ring! Yay! It will be ready approximately 2 weeks after Christmas. 

     Caleb was getting hungry and tired, so we did not go directly to Walmart after that. Instead, we brought Bella home and had lunch, and rested for a short time. Caleb was ready to go back out within 20 minutes. We went to Walmart, and I only bought what what I had on my grocery list, except for the bin of Christmas cookies that I wanted Caleb to have. 

     Then we were done for the day. We spent all day running around. I didn't bother cooking because it was late when we came home. I simply had tuna fish sandwiches for dinner.

     Today is Saturday, the 5th of December. I have to get my Christmas cards sent out. 

     I did not address the cards when I finished my blog yesterday. Instead, I worked on my financial reports. I went ahead and did some planning worksheets in Excel to see when I might be able to afford to have the old furniture removed from my property. 

     I am working on a plan to get my financial situation better. So far the plan is to continue what I have been doing. In the last 12 months, I have paid off four accounts. Two accounts had to reused. In the next 12 months, I will be able to pay another four accounts off, two of which will probably never be used again. One of those accounts is the account I used to pay for my bed, and the other is a store credit card I use for Caleb's clothes. He will be outgrowing their sizes, so I will have to find somewhere else to shop for his clothes. 

     I just have to keep truckin along. I have to be sure to keep my spirits up in the process. It's easy to get depressed in this situation. 

     Gotta stay focused on my long term goals throughout this process too. It doesn't help me any if I keep spending on my credit cards. 

     Meanwhile, I am still struggling to lose weight, or at least stop gaining weight. I think the key is my cortisol levels. If I can manage my cortisol levels which are high due to PTSD, finromyalgia, and being an empath, I will more easily be able to stop gaining weight. Ashwaganda has been said to have an effect on cortisol levels, and is included in the ingredients of the new multi-vitamin for women I will be taking once it arrives. 

     I was confirmed to be an empath through my friend, Violet. She is also an empath, and is older than I am, and has been studying spiritual things for many, many years. I plan on buying some books to help me learn about surviving as an empath. I get hurt and into situations with narcissistic people alot. I would like to avoid that in the future. Also, I get drained being around people for too long, and it takes days to recover. 

     I am waiting for my compression tops to arrive in the mail. I want to see if wearing a compression tank top and compression shorts will help me feel better, and stand more straight. If I can mange to pull my belly in some, it will help me walk better, and I won't be in pain after walking only a mile. 

     I am on the fence about whether to return my bras. They were the cheapest they are going to be, and well, I will be this size for awhile until I get myself together enough to workout and eat less. 

     I have been stretching more regularly, and because of the whole "new rule" that is effect at the yoga group at the VA, I might have to quit. I think when I move more intuitively, I help myself more than following someone else who does not lead me to personally and individually feel better. So there's that. I am not looking forward to having a conversation about quitting, but I will just send an email to Dr. Gellman. 

     I have not been keeping up with my daily notes spreadsheet (weekly calendar) like I use to. I use to keep everything I did logged in that spreadsheet. 

     I have not been keeping up with my class videos. I need to catch up, and get back in the groove of things. 

     I taught Caleb yesterday how to hook up the jump cables to the cars to jumpstart a car. He learned! When we were driving, I quizzed him on the things I taught him, and retained everything! I was so happy! Science in the house!

     Caleb has been growing potatoes in a pot. I saved the seeds from the bell peppers I cut up for the taco fajitas the other night so we could plant them when the time is right. We are experimenting with growing ginger roots. Caleb has his own cactus that he is caring for. I have a succulent and an air plant. He also has a bamboo plant. I recently bought him a table top Christmas tree. I also bought a fern. So we are growing edible and non-edible plants! 

     Caleb has taught himself to use a hand saw to cut up wood. He broke down a coffee table for me that was rotting from being on the porch and rained on. He cut down so small trees that were growing to close to the house. 

     Caleb is learning about cooking. I let him use the oven and stovetop as long as I am supervising. He knows how to cook in the microwave. He can cook his own Velveeta Shells and Cheese in the microwave, as well as sweet potatoes. He has made ramen on the stove top. He has made tater tots and biscuits in the oven. He is learning how to prep vegetables to cook too. He likes to cut the vegetables for me. I don't let him handle meats yet. He likes to add spices to his coffee and hot tea.

     Caleb is learning about aromatherapy. He is interested in creating his own blends from essential oils. He also likes the new idea of the simmer pot and drinking what we made. 

     I found some books on World War II that I want to buy him when I get the chance. He also likes to read about cars, airplanes, and anything military-related.

     He is learning about how to create strategies by playing his war video games. 

     He is learning about how to care for a dog, by taking care of Bella. He feeds her, gives her water, lets her outside. We take her for walks together, and we keep her from other animals. He sees me cuddle, pet, and love on her. I brush her, give her baths, and trim and file her nails. We clean her ears, and apply ointment to her paws as needed. We check her for irritated spots, and give her allergy medication as needed. He gives her treats, and cookies for good behavior. He plays tug of war and fetch with her. 

     Caleb is learning to care for his environment. This is taking longer than I hoped, but we are making progress. I am trying to teach him that he has to take care of his home. He does chores. He takes out the trash and recycling from the kitchen. He takes the recycling out from my workspace. He unloads the dishwasher, and the dish strainer. He helps me collect the dirty clothes to be washed, and helps me keep the laundry going. Then he helps me by bringing the clean clothes from the dryer to my room. 

     He is learning to be a part of my team. He helps me do the self-checkout at the grocery store. He helps load the van with the groceries. He brings the groceries to the kitchen from the van. He is in charge of bringing the mail in to the house everyday.

     He has learned to fish. I recently found a free app for him so he can know when is the best time to catch fish. He likes to fish everyday at the Veterans Park. It helps calm him down from being so excitable and energetic. 

     Caleb is learning to care about other people by taking care of me. He preps my bed and tucks me in at night. He makes sure I take my medications. He doesn't let me fall into deep depression. This is a major thing I have been working on with him. It's hard to be around someone who thinks everything is about what that person wants all the time, especially since I am disabled. 

     He is learning to not hit, kick, yell, and scream when he gets irritated. I want to teach him how to stretch to start the day.  

     Caleb is learning about bee keeping on youtube. He likes to watch a professional bee keeper teach him things about how to care for the hive. 

     Caleb may not be learning the traditional curriculum, but he is learning everyday. Most of his learning is about how to live in a social world successfully. 

     Caleb is learning about money. He is learning about how to count money, save money, and spend money. 

     Caleb is learning about religion and spiritual matters. Mostly as a result of losing my grandpa, and also because of the holidays. 

     I still want to teach him a traditional curriculum, but I am pulled in so many ways to do so many things all at the same time, that I don't know when that will happen. 

     Today, I am trying to catch up on my pile of laundry. Getting the bathroom cleaned? Starting to work on the carpet in the hallway and getting it cleaned. I have not even taken the new carpet cleaner out of its box yet. I am going to cook stew beef chili for dinner, in the crockpot, so that is pretty simple. I want to plan out what else I am doing for Christmas. Oh! I think today might be the day of the town's parade! I would like to take Caleb to see that, since we will not be able to gather like usual for the Christmas tree lighting. 

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