Today's prompt is "Write a phrase to describe your year so far." My year has been a crazy mix of ups and downs.
It is now 2:19 a.m. on Tuesday. Yesterday started off slowly. It was dark outside and gloomy. As the day progressed, the skies cleared up and the sun began to shine. Caleb and I slept in until about 9:40. I woke up being tired. I wanted to sleep more, but I didn't want to day to go waste. I thought I might be bale to get some things done. I got up, took my medications, and had a few hard boiled eggs for breakfast. I wrote my blog at that point. I got sidetracked into organizing papers in my workspace while blogging. I did not complete my blog until after noon. I did get alot of papers organized, though.
I had tuna sandwiches with dill pickles for lunch. After lunch, I could not get myself to get up from the chair to do anything. I was tired and achy all over. I wanted to be still. I needed more sleep, but did not want to go to bed. I had it in my head that I could get things done. I did not get things done. It was like caffeine did not help me at all. I tried the new water tablet that has caffeine and electrolytes in it, and it was like I never drank it. I could not figure out why I was struggling so much until later in the early evening I went to the bathroom. I started my period. I knew that it was the week for my period, but I don't normally menstruate because I take birth control pills to skip my periods. That explained it all. I should have stayed in bed, or least let myself go back to bed after writing my blog.
Caleb and I witnessed the Great Conjunction of Saturn and Jupiter with our naked eyes. It was not as big as I thought it would be, but still cool, nonetheless. We went outside before sunset and waited . It was the first thing to appear in the sky, besides the half moon, which was visible during the day. We stayed outside until it got darker and the sun light was no longer visible. I was wanting to witness the last meteor shower of 2020, but I was getting tired and wanted to get ready for bed.
It also happened to be Winter Solstice. I did not do anything to celebrate because I just wasn't feeling like doing anything at all. My brain was tired, and not telling me what I should do. I should have gone to sleep.
So, my day was not eventful, although the universe had other plans. LOL
Caleb did not do much either. He went for a walk in the morning, but that was it. We stayed home and did alot of nothing much.
Today, Caleb has 2 back to back appointments. The first one is with his therapist and the second one is with his occupational therapist. He is nearing the end of his occupational therapy. I think his last week is the first or second week of January.
Christmas Eve is on Thursday, and Christmas Day is on Friday.
I was supposed to bring pies and cool whip to Donna's house for Christmas, but I had to let her know that I did not have the money to do that. It sucks. If I buy the pies and cool whip, she wanted 2 pumpkin pies and 1 apple pie, I will not have money for vegetables to cook dinners with. I do not know how I got to this point, but I am trying to save $100 to remove to a load of furniture/junk from the property. Right now, I have a little over $100 left. I have just enough to pay the guy to haul away the stuff and either buy gas or vegetables, whichever I need first.
We have what we need at the house, so I am not worried, but I did not expect to have to tell Donna that I could not bring anything to dinner for Christmas. She understands because she gets short after the end of the month too. It's just, I had so much available, and now it's all gone. I spent it wisely, but still, gone. I do not want to use my credit cards to buy pies. Credit cards are expensive. I want to only use them if I absolutely have to.
Caleb was awake when I came out to the computer. I woke up and Bella alerted me that she needed to go outside. I must have woken him up by calling Bella inside.
I just did my calculations on what my bank account balance is, and I have 25 spendable dollars. I have $100 for the furniture haul away that is not spendable. The furniture haul away is scheduled for January the 1st. I just don't want to have to pull from my check on the first because what is left over from that check is used for groceries and gas, and it's not much to begin with.
I'm willing to give up on pies. I probably wouldn't have eaten any anyway, but I feel bad for letting everybody down.
I was thinking as I got a letter in the mail the other day about my EBT benefits. It says something like "Social Security and VA payments are getting a 1.3% increase and it may have an effect on my EBT benefits, lowering it." Something like that. I don't understand why, instead, the EBT benefits would not also increase by 1.3% since the increase in payments from Social Security and VA are only to keep spending power at the same level as it was last year. So I am going to get equal value of my payments from Social Security and VA in 2021 as that of 2020, but my EBT benefits are going to decrease? That makes no sense! I am in the same financial predicament I have been in! My situation did not get better. I did not get a promotion! I got a small increase in payments to keep up with inflation. My buying power remains the same. What a way to rob the needy.
Stella sent a very creative and hand drawn card to us for Yule. It had a hand drawn picture of some type of jet, for Caleb. He is keeping the card in his room, I think. It was really sweet and original.
My mom wanted me to receive a piece of mail she sent yesterday, but it did not come in the mail. She finally received my jingle bell keychains I made for both her and Kenneth, and she was happy about them!
I am waiting for Rachel to get her box in the mail. It is stuck in Greensboro from what I gather. It doesn't make sense because it went through Fayetteville, and she is closer to Fayetteville than Greensboro.
I am waiting for things to be delivered to me too. I have waited for weeks to receive my multi-vitamins and supplements from Swanson. The last I checked, the package was in Charlotte, NC.
I bought great value's version of drain cleaner, and used a whole bottle on the bathroom sink and the water still doesn't go down the drain quickly. It sits there for what seems like forever. It's a real pain in the ass, because we need to be able to brush our teeth, rinse , and spit without it just sitting there. I am trying another bottle to see if it works this time. I am thinking I need some type of pipe cleaning snake for sinks. I had 2, but I do not know where they are.
I want to sell some of my stuff to get some money in my account. I have boots galore from when I was thinner and able to wear different shoes everyday if I wanted. I have some type of electric saw that my dad bought, and I will never use. I'm sure I have other things around too. I hope I can sell them. I could really use the money.
I cut the ham from the bone so it could be cooked with all the greens I plan to cook with it. I don't think the bone will fit in the crockpot with all the other stuff that is going in there.
Caleb and I had throw away the collections of bell pepper seeds I made. I did not remove the seeds from the core, and the cores started to grow mold, so we had to throw them away. This time, when I collected the cores from all the bell peppers I used in the stew beef chili I made, I let the cores dry out a little, and then scraped the seeds off, placed them in a sandwich bag, and put them in the fridge. They should be ok until we can plant them.
I got a call from the VA Women's Clinic to schedule some appointments. This is where active listening can save a life. They were calling to set up an appointment for me to see the nurse as had been discussed when I had my doctor's appointment. NP Miller, my Primary Care Provider (PCP), said to me that I should come in to the clinic in about 2-3 weeks after using the new medication to have my blood pressure checked and take some bloodwork. I received one new medication. I did not receive the lower dose of the old medication as we discussed. She told me that I would have to stay on Lisinopril for my blood pressure, as well as to protect my kidneys. She also told me that I would have to change my dose of Lisinopril to take the new medication, Spironolactone. I am trying the Spironolactone to decrease the facial hair I have as well as manage my high blood pressure. So, I am waiting on the lower dose of Lisinopril to begin treatment. When the nurse asked me to make an appointment to take my blood pressure, I let her know that I had not received the lower dose of Lisinopril. She said there was not an order for the lower dose of Lisinopril on my file. I asked, "Please , can you ask Dr. Miller what to do? Because now I am confused as to what to do. She told me that I cannot take the old dose at the same time as taking the new medication at the dose prescribed. " So, if I had just followed what the nurse thought was accurate, I could have died. If I had taken the full dose of Lisinopril with the full dose of Spironolactone, I would have had too low of a blood pressure plus other possible side effects happening. It's a goo thing I was active listening when I had my phone doctor's appointment. I remember very vividly what we spoke about because I remember blogging about it too. I have a hard time remembering stuff these days, but thank God I remembered that!
The nurse did contact Dr. Miller and we did solve the problem. Dr. Miller put in an order for the lower dose of Lisinopril, and I am to schedule an appointment when I receive the new dose of medication. Cool, I can do that.
I keep getting emails from MENSA. I don't know why. They should know that I have already tested and failed miserably. I could not concentrate. I was full of anxiety about so many things at the time. I did not test well. MENSA only allows you to test once in lifetime. I failed. I will never be accepted into MENSA. I wish I had passed their requirements though. I wish I had some other way to prove my worthiness. Maybe I am not MENSA material. I don't really know. They have other ways to show high intelligence, but I have not looked at the list since pre-2013. I just think it would be awesome to wear MENSA gear and be like "yeah, that's me!"
You know that MENSA has a pre-test on their webpage right? Well I did that pre-2013, and the results were indicative that I could be a candidate for MENSA. It's the only reason I wanted to take the real test.
I have thought about going back to school, but I can't commit to such an endeavor right now, or anytime in the near future. Caleb requires alot of attention. It is hard enough just to keep up with my blog. Besides, I am not getting into any more debt. I will never be able to pay off student debt on top of all this other stuff I have going with my finances.
I wish I had a career where I could go back to school to earn my Master's Degree and Doctorate, paid by my employer. I would like to write a book, and have Dr. in front of my name.
I fell asleep listening to chakra healing music. I just put some on now. It is now 4:43 a.m. here. I don't know why, but my brain loves this music. I think so much when it is on, and I am laying in bed.
I got a friend request from Ed Barker on facebook yesterday, my former step-grandpa. I apparently haven't messaged his wife, Janet, since 2016. They are nice people. I hope they are staying healthy and well.
I was tempted to read some books while I was sitting in the chair yesterday. I picked them up and moved them, but I did not open them. I was just too tired. I wanted to stop giving my time to my phone, but I was just too tired.
I need to scatter the rose remains in the yard that are from grandpa's memorial. I thought I would do it yesterday, but as soon as I thought about it, I forgot it.
Caleb wanted to light some candles, but I could not even get up to do that. I tried to light candles, but the lighter ran out of lighter fluid, and so I was only able to light the frankincense incense that did not hold a flame. I could have gotten my other lighter, but I was too tired to walk around the kitchen table and kitchen island to get to where I hide my lighter.
I got a follow up letter from Minority Veterans of America asking that I make sure I received the right items from my wishlist, so we may be doing some gift opening today.
Aunt Lisa has brought up more than once the question of if I want to go to Brazil to scatter grandpa's remains in accordance with his wishes. I do not think I should go to Brazil in my current condition. The heat there alone is reason to stay home. I would love to visit family, and eat the food, and take photos of absolutely everything! I'm positive the heat would make me feel sick. The flight there is no joke, and is long AF. Then there's the issue of boarding Bella at $25/a day. Let's not also forget that I have not updated Caleb's certificate of birth abroad to show that his father is "Unknown." He can not leave the country without both parents' signatures because they are required for an American passport, until he is an adult. While I do have a Brazilian passport, it is not current. Caleb does not have a Brazilian passport at all. I hate it, because it would an experience of a lifetime. I do not think I will have all my ducks in a row by the time Aunt Lisa and family decide to go to Brazil. I don't know. I can try. I am working on losing weight so the heat does not have that effect on me. Right now, I am high risk for heat stroke, and unfortunately the risk is higher because of my other health problems, which I am trying to manage. I might still be a high risk of heat stroke because I have had heat injuries before, even if I do clear myself of all other problems. So, I just don't think I should go. I would love for Caleb to be able to go though. He can handle heat much better than I can.
There has been talk of a possible inheritance left by my grandpa. I do not think he would have left me anything. I would think he would have left his money to his new wife. I could be wrong. Aunt Lisa would know more than I do. She is trying to liquidate his belongings that we can not use or are in storage in excess. I think she should be compensated for her hard work and the support she provided all these years. That doesn't necessarily mean it will happen that way. Only time will tell.
I told Aunt Lisa about the "Holy Scriptures" book I took from grandpa's house in 2013. It belonged to her as a child, I think. It has grandma's handwriting in in, and Aunt Lisa's name in it. I asked her if she wanted me to send it to her. I had forgotten all about it, until I found it in my china cabinet with the the other religious texts I have collected over the years. She said to keep it, and I cried. I felt it in my heart.
A part of me wants to move to a house with fewer or no problems. I would like to live inland where I do not have to panic about hurricanes from April to the end of November. I would like to move north where the weather is more temperate and generally cooler. I want to live close to a VA hospital, but far enough away to have land and a bigger house, that does not cost as much as the one I am currently living in. I want to pay no property taxes as a disabled veteran's benefit from the state. I want to live somewhere where cannibis is legal for all adults. I don't know if this fantasy exists in real life. I will have to check it out one day. Moving is a huge expense. My house is not in selling condition right now. I would not get enough for it in the condition it is in. I want to live around more people who think more like I do about things. I do not like being surrounded by Trump-lovers. It can be scary. Their convictions are so strong. I just do not understand.
I have a long list of things that need to be done to make this house in profitable selling condition. Right now, I am just trying to make ends meet, and pay the bills. I don't have extra money for these required projects. The whole point of getting the house refinanced was to fix the house, but I can not get the VA's approval for re-financing until it passes inspection, which means I have to fix the house in order to be able to afford to fix the house.
I want to look into programs designed to help people with disabilities with housing problems, and for veterans too. They might have special programs to help me pay for some of these projects that I need done. I will only know after I do the research.
The first night I listened to root chakra healing music, Caleb was laying beside me on the bed. I was unable to fall asleep because it had my mind active. Caleb asked me to turn the music off because it was sad music. He said he was about to cry. My poor baby Caleb. He has lived through traumas too. He needs healing just like I do. The music is not sad, out history is sad. The pain we have been carrying is sad.
It is now 5:35 a.m. here. I took my iron pill when I woke up earlier because I did not think I would get up again. Caleb is sleeping in the living room and Bella is under the blanket with him. It's such a sweet thing to see.
I might not be able to go back to sleep. I'm pretty content sitting right here. I do have some things I need to read though. It's almost the end of the month and I have not yet read Ethony's workbook for the month.
The drama continues concerning the legality of Biden's presidential-elect status via the counted votes. Trump just won't accept the fact that he lost. He will forever be known as the president who did what he did and is doing. I cannot believe that he did not increase the order of vaccines when prompted to by Pfizer. Now, we may have to wait until the end of summer 2021 to get more vaccines than the initial distribution. His motto shouldn't be "Make America Great Again", it should be "Fuck America."
We are waiting on a second stimulus package to pass through Congress. Other nations have been supporting their citizens, but not the United States. Republicans don't want to offer the needed assistance to Americans who have either lost their jobs, or had hours drastically reduced... Americans who are going to be evicted if government does not step in and stop it from happening... Americans who are going hungry... Americans who need COVID-19 testing and vaccines... I mean what the fuck is going on that a whole year has passed and only a $1200 check plus $500 per child has been issued?
Meanwhile, here in North Carolina, daily confirmed cases of COVID-19 are increasing to over 7,000 a day. Food banks do not have enough food to supply to everyone in need. Schools are going back to 100% virtual classrooms starting in January 2021. There has been a curfew issued for the state.
We are trying to live peacefully and productively in my home, but it hasn't been easy. Some days I just have to let Caleb do his own thing because either I am in too much pain, and have too little energy, or I just plain out want to use my energy reserves to push myself to do what I can do without problems. His ODD and ADHD are hellacious. They are better now than they were before, but still. I ask him to do something, and the automatic answer is "No." It doesn't matter what I ask him to do. It's exhausting. I am not the only one with a child with both ADHD and ODD. I belong to groups on facebook that are for parental support. Some days are just better than others.
I am hungry. I am going to make a sandwich and try to get some more rest. It is now 6:01 a.m. and the day will start soon.
No comments:
Post a Comment