Today's prompt is "Describe the room you are right now." I am in the common area of the house where I have the dining table. It is open to the kitchen area and living room area. Right now, it is a hot mess and cluttered with junk, but I am working to fix that.
It is now 1:03 a.m. here. Yesterday was a productive day. It took me a long time to get moving, so I did not start working until the afternoon. Once I started, though, I really did not stop, except to take breaks. I was able to load the dishwasher and run it, start the laundry in the washing machine, handwash as many dishes as I could fit into the dish strainer, soak some dishes, pick up trash from the floor, and make a huge salad.
I had Caleb remove the full bag of trash from my room that I picked up the day before yesterday, take the kitchen trash out, take the kitchen recycling out. take the full bag I collected around the kitchen table out, and take out the recycling from around my workspace.
It doesn't sound like much, but believe me, it was an all afternoon affair. For every time I asked Caleb to do something, the answer was "No. I don't want to help." or "No, I don't want to work." It was beginning to frustrate the hell out of me when I text my Aunt Lisa that I was having a hard time. By that time, it was dark outside, and I had been repeating myself alot already. I was just trying to get as much trash and recycling out of the house as possible. When I called my Aunt Lisa, I was having trouble getting Caleb to pick up his dirty clothes from the common area floors. I was trying to get all the dirty laundry in the laundry room to be washed. He gave me such a hard time about it, I was going to start taking away things, like electronics, or Christmas presents. I mentioned that his birthday is coming up too. I wouldn't want to have to cancel his birthday. nothing worked. Eventually I took my night time medications and went to lay down. He became more loveable at that time.
Earlier in the day, Caleb got his ass chewed out. I was stern in the way I talked to him, and loud too. If anyone was watching, they could tell I was former military. I told him about himself. I told him he was on the route to killing me. He was going out to the park and in to neighbors' houses without a mask on. I told him he would be the reason I die. He was going to give me Covid-19 because he doesn't think about what he does before doing it. I went on a long schpeel. It wasn't to make him feel bad, it was to make him aware of the consequences of his actions, and get him to wake up to the dangers of spreading diseases to me.
I also told him that it was fine by me to die. I'm ready to die. I am in pain alot, and I'm tired. I'm tired of trying to clean this house after the messes he makes. This is not the life I want to live. I am not happy. If he wants me to die, that's fine. I will die. I have made my peace.
I told him that I provide everything for him, and all I wanted was to have a clean home. He needs to take responsibility for the messes he creates, and clean them up. I am not his maid. I do not get paid to pick up after him. Not to mention, that I can't bend over for very long or very well for that matter. He throws everything on the floor. I told him if he doesn't pick his stuff up and put it in his room (toys) that I was going to throw them away. He brings them out and then just leaves them wherever. I mean we have months worth of "I don't care" remnants going on around here. I am constantly trying to clean this mess up, and it gets worse. I am not making progress, because he refuses to change. I am not going to keep trying to do something where he is actively working against me. I am tired of it.
There are things I want to be doing and can't do because I have to work on the house cleaning. I am doing this every day, and it's too much. I shouldn't have to work so hard to keep this small house clean. I really shouldn't.
When he told me he didn't want to clean up today, I asked him if he wanted to live on the streets. I have had enough of this behavior. Enough! I told him "You don't pay bills, you don't work, you don't have a job, and you don't go to school. See how far that gets you in life living on the streets!"
The thing is, he was the one getting angry! I would ask him to do something that would take him less than a minute to do, and he was the one getting angry because I asked him to work! WTF? When I was his age, I was running the house! I did the family's laundry, I cooked meals, I washed dishes by hand, and I cleaned up. I don't appreciate his attitude, and it's just the day after Christmas. He got to open his presents on Christmas Eve. What could he possibly be upset about?
We have had this conversation many times before. I need help cleaning the house. I am disabled and can only do so much. It is important to have a clean house. We want to prevent diseases, not attract them. We want to keep pests away, not attract them.
I did not lose my temper, but I was getting frustrated by the fact that he played all day and was free to do what he wanted, and when I ask him to do something he tells me "No." I was working, so he should have been working.
Later I told him "You know I am disabled. I have good days and I have bad days. On my good days, I can get alot of work done. On my bad days, I can't do anything at all. On my in-between days, I can get a little work done. You have seen this, right?" He says "Yes." I said, " I need you to be on my schedule. When I work, you work. When I don't work, you don't work." I went on to say, "Isn't that how it is? When I don't work, I don't ask you to do anything, right?" He answers, "Yes." "Well," I said, "when I am working, I need your help to get the most done we can get done."
So, we went to lay down earlier than usual. Caleb took his night time medication around 6:30 p.m. or so. He normally takes it around 7:30 p.m. or so. He said he was tired so.
I was feeling ok, as far as pain goes, yesterday. I took Midol Complete and was able to get some house cleaning done. I have not done much as far as cleaning is concerned this past week, so I had alot to catch up on. Not to mention that there were Christmas packages left on the floor.
Anyway, so my day was busy and productive. I communicated effectively my needs and wants to Caleb. There was no physical violence between us, and that is an improvement. Caleb use to get physically violent with me when things did not go his way. It has taken months to get him to change his behavior, but I believe we have finally made it. He is getting better at verbal communication, which is why he was in speech therapy to begin with. He graduated speech therapy at the end of last school year. He only has one more occupational therapy appointment and then he is done with that. One of the things he has been working on is his anger and have to behave when he gets angry.
I got to light my candles, all 6 of them, and a frankincense and a myrrh incense stick. I kept my candles lit all afternoon. It was nice. I feel like I can work better with candles lit.
Today, we are picking up where we left off with the house cleaning. I did not want to work today, but I do need clean socks! I can't seem to find all my dirty socks in order to be able to wash them, and the same with my underwear and bras. It's like where did they all go? Caleb had at least 4 packs of white socks, and all he gave me was maybe 3 pairs of socks to wash. What happened to all of his socks that I bought and Aunt Lisa bought? I swear we have a dirty sock thief in the house.
I am back to drinking my Dew like normal. It seems I cannot fully function without them. I have trouble keeping my eyes open, and can never seem to get enough sleep, even though I go to bed around 8:00 p.m. nightly.
I am ready to go back to sleep. It is now 2:07 a.m. and Caleb is awake. He is playing on his computer. I am going to take my iron pill with orange juice and go lay down with Bella. She never got up from the bed when I got up. She is too comfortable there.
I finally put the heater on in the house. It was 43 degrees in here, and Bella was shivering. I did not want my fur baby to be cold, so I put the heat at 55 degrees. It made a difference, and was probably good for the heater to be used too. It was the first time I used it this year. Now we are all comfortable.
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