Friday, December 18, 2020

5 Year Journal Day 206

      Today's prompt is "What's in your fridge?" Oh, well, I just went grocery shopping yesterday, so let's see. I have : yellow onions, red onions, mushrooms, bell peppers of all colors, broccoli, spinach, collard greens, kale, almond milk, orange juice, alkaline water, chicken breasts, chicken thighs, a couple of frozen steaks, whipped butter, fat free cottage cheese, ricotta cheese, eggs, salad dressings, ginger root, crystal infused water bottles, chocolate protein shakes, sour cream, and I think that's about it. 

     It is now 12:05 p.m. on Friday. I am moving slowly this morning. The sun is shining and it is cold. A perfect day for me. I did not get out of bed early this morning. I was tired. Yesterday was a long day. At 2 something in the morning, I noticed a post made by Violet. I responded. 

     Anyway, the conversation on the text messages went like this :

Me: Are you angry at us?

Violet: I'm not mad, the post wasn't just for you there were others, you did thank me after I ask however you didn't have Caleb write a thank you note or even do a video for me to pass along to the person who sent it

Me: I am not a mind reader. All you had to do was ask

Me: I'm not always at the top of my game. I don't always think of all the details behind everything that happens. That's when friends can be helpful and communicate.

Me: There was no need for you to get upset at me or Caleb

Violet: You know, I get that but like I said it wasn't just you, and Caleb didn't know to do that, this post was no different than what you did

Me: You didn't even bother to give me details about the person who sent it. Who is Caleb supposed to address his card to? Who is he supposed to make a video for? I don't know.

     Maybe you assume we are in the habit of receiving things from people, be we are not

Me: Yeah then you avoided me all day. I can't stop thinking about it. I can't move on with my day because I have to worry about what I may or may not have done to someone who doesn't even want to answer my question

Me: I can't speak about the others, but you know I AM sensitive.

Violet: I haven't been home all day and couldn't use my phone because I was getting test done at the hospital since 6 am

Me: Ok. Well, I have struggled to ground and find peace. I hope your test went well. Please. If I do something that upsets you, let me know. I will do my best to fix it right away.

Violet: I'll try

Me: It's Yule/Christmas/ Winter Solstice... we should be trying to get along. I was wrong for posting what I posted. I felt unappreciated, as maybe you did. I have no one to talk to during the day except our doctors, and the cashiers at the grocery stores, except for you. It gets the best of me. I got impatient. I worried that Caleb's "friends" would leave him out to dry by himself for Christmas and his birthday. I'm not in therapy right now, and I need to be. I have issues and I own them.

Me: I try to chat and/or talk to you everyday. There was no reason for you to include me in that post. None. I have no communication with the people I posted about. None. That's the difference.

Violet: Ok I'm not doing this with you

Violet: You aren't the only one with issues. I'm not in therapy either and I didn't post your name so you being offended is on you

Me: I don't understand why you couldn't communicate with me?

Me: (Sends  A thank you video from Caleb)

Me: Just got home

Me: I hope this restores our friendship

Me: Long day. Hope to chat tomorrow if you want. Goodnight. Don't let the fae bite!

Me: Ps. I care more about than you can imagine, and I never want you to be anything but happy. That being said, I would never intentionally do to anything to make you anything other than happy. I hope you can understand that.

Violet: Jennifer I'm sorry but I just don't think this is going to work I told you at the very beginning when we first started talking that I don't make a good friend nor am I capable of doing for others, my expectations of others can be difficult.

Me: Ok, well, I tried

     So I have been blocked on facebook. I am probably blocked on her phone number too. I guess some people just can't, and that's all I'm going to say about that. 


     So the texts were over a period of about 24 hours. Just FYI.

     Anyway, I took Caleb to his occupational therapy appointment. We went to Walmart and got some groceries to cook meals with. I made a "fake lasagna" for dinner. That is lasagna without the lasagna noodles. I use what I had, which was penne. 

     That whole ordeal with Violet took alot of my energy but I still managed to have a good day. I cleaned more of the living room, and vacuumed. I hand washed some dishes. I made a dinner, along with some hard boiled eggs. Went to Caleb's appointment. We went to Walmart. I put the groceries away. We took care of Bella to the best of our ability. She is not feeling well. 

     I got up "late" today around 9:30 a.m. We took our medications. I drank alot of fluids already. The weather is good here. I have to clean up the poop on the hallway carpet. Caleb picked it up already, but I always clean the carpet to be clean. So, today is the day the new carpet cleaner will come out of the box. I use different methods of cleaning before using my machines, so they don't get nasty. Cuz, that would be gross. How does a carpet cleaner with poop on it manage to clean anything? Just be spreading the poop around, right? So yeah. I've got to hand scrub the carpet after making sure there is nothing else that can be picked up. 

     We don't have any appointments today. Pastor Rick is coming over at some point with a gift for us. I hope I am not nasty from cleaning the floor , when he gets here. 

     I am ready to work now. It's not going to be easy for me to get on my hands and knees to clean this carpet, but I've got to be the one to do it if I want it done right. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers, will ya?


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