5 Year Journal Day 135

      Today's prompt is "What makes a good enemy?" The ability to lie.

     So, I did not write a blog at all yesterday because I was recovering from a stomach virus. It drained me of life force. I slept as much as I could. It is now 2:06 a.m. and I am awake after having to use the bathroom. Bella needed to go out too. She is in bed now. Let's see. Yesterday I stayed in bed, with the exception of getting up for medications in the morning. I stayed in bed until almost 2 p.m. That's when Caleb gets his afternoon medications. I was hungry for lunch. I have been eating Progresso soups in the hopes that it will keep my electrolytes in balance because of all the sodium in them. Caleb wanted to go to Walmart, and I needed to go out to pick up Caleb's medication refill. We went and picked up some groceries while we were out. I had to replenish the chicken nugget supply. I was able to buy noodles for $0.50 a pack! I made a pack for dinner, and was able to use one of my frozen leftover sauces for my own noodles, while Caleb eats his without any sauce. That's how he likes them. 

     I started working on my financial spreadsheets after we got home from running errands. I wanted to update my credit card balances spreadsheet. I added some graphs to the credit card balances spreadsheet. I also created a completely new spreadsheet to figure out when I would payoff my credit cards. It was not an easy process. I was trying to be as accurate as possible. I came to the realization that I could not calculate my interest costs because I would not be able to calculate my daily average balance without having the data the credit card companies have, in real time. I also realized that I could not figure out my interest costs based on the A.P.R. I had to figure a way to estimate interest costs over the time periods I was trying to calculate. I had to make some assumptions to make things more linear, and easier to calculate. I am proud of myself for doing all that work. I had to look up each credit card statement and retrieve data multiple times before I came to conclusion of what I needed. It was a lot of work going back and forth. The bright side is that I won't be needing to do that again any time soon, and that I did come up with a good visual of when my credit cards would be paid off, given the assumptions I had to make.

     A bird flew into the attic yesterday. ?

     I bought some Halloween chocolates for Caleb and me. I could not resist the temptation. I just one one bag of M&M's, peanut M&M's, snickers, and twix mix. Yum! Just in case Caleb does not get to go trick or treating, he can still say he had candy in October, and didn't miss out. 

     I am so thirsty. Soooo thirsty. 

     I had a no pain day yesterday. I can not say that about the 2 days before that. Diarrhea is no joke. 

     I was put into contact with Aunt Lisa's friend, Dawn, and we started texting yesterday. She also has fibromyalgia, so when I get my head on straight again, I will have some important questions for her. 

     Aunt Lisa is back from her vacation. I successfully did not interrupt her vacation. It was not easy, as I missed texting and talking to her. I knew it was important for her to unwind and unplug. 

     I do not know if Rachel is feeling any better. I hope so. 

     I could not keep Caleb away from me, so I hope he does not get sick too. He wanted to hug me and be in the bed with me. I could not get him to understand that I was contagious and he could get sick. 

     He wanted to go back to the beach, but I was not feeling well. He did not understand that I needed to be close to the bathroom. 

      Bella stayed in bed with me all morning yesterday, and by my side the whole afternoon when I was home. She is such a sweetheart. 

     My diabetic shoes were washed in the washer, but could not be dried in the dryer, so I dried them by putting them in front of my fan in my bedroom. The dried pretty quickly. I was just happy to see all the sand washed off! Yeah, I can't dry shoes by themselves in the dryer because they knock around in there and push the door open. Next time, if I want to dry them in the dryer, I will have to add a towel or something too. 

     I am so happy to have my everyday shoes back on my feet. They make such a big difference in my day. I could not find my other sandal. I had Caleb look for it under the bed and he could not find it either. I do not know where it went. I am waiting for my new pairs of diabetic shoes to arrive. I have 2 new pairs on the way to last the next 12 months. 

     Aunt Lisa bought me a pair of water shoes! I will never have to wear my diabetic shoes to the beach again. 

     I am having trouble keeping the mattress protector and the fitted sheet on the bed because I have an adjustable bed that I keep in non-flat position to sleep. I am going to have to buy some mattress suspenders to keep them on or something. I haven't figured it out yet.

     I sleep much better using the weighted blanket as my blanket rather than my sheet though. Ahhh... the comfort of a weighted blanket. 

     The holidays are approaching quickly. I am glad to have someone who invited us over for Thanksgiving dinner, my friend, Donna. She is the adoptive parent of her grandchildren, and two of them went to school with Caleb all throughout elementary school. We have known them since first grade, when the boys were in Boy Scouts together. 

     I am trying not to feel guilty about a purchase I made last night. I bought a Queen size comforter for my bed. This far I have been using one of Caleb's extra twin size comforters. When he gets mad, he says "That's my blanket!" It's a minions comforter, hahahaha. The one I bought is a reversible comforter that is lilac and grey. It is pretty and calming to look at. I got it on sale for $27.99. I think that is a good budget-friendly price, however, I feel guilty for spending money on my credit card. I just don't have any cash! 

     I got a letter about this month's food pickup from Brunswick Family Assistance. I will be trying to pick up food again this month. Last month was a pretty good amount of food. We have not even  begun to use it yet. Caleb tried the pink salmon in a can, and he hated it. I gave away the frozen catfish because I don't like how it tastes, along with the flour, because it was a big bag, and we never use flour. I plan on making soup with the ham they gave us. We ate all the raisins, and the can of pears they gave us. The cheese and butter are in the freezer for use later. I have frozen blueberries that I want to add to my almondmilk and make a smoothie out of. We also got canned beef, and canned chicken breast. I just haven't made them yet, but I will!

     We are doing pretty good on food. I do not feel like we will be going hungry any time soon. We are approaching the end of hurricane season. That's one reason I do not eat the canned food. I am still hurricane prepping. I have plenty of canned food stored. We are ready for the winter, I would say. We don't get winter storms here very often, but just in case we do, and we get stuck in the house for a week while the ice melts on the roads, we will be covered. 

     I am so glad I decided to see if I qualified for food assistance. I really depend on having help, and it allows me to not be so needy on Aunt Lisa. I do not like feeling like I am taking away her hard earned money to buy us food. I know she says she doesn't mind and she would not do it if she did not want to do it, but still. It's hard for us people who are use to being the ones who are helping to be helped. 

     I have not heard anything from Mathew or Nichole. I don't expect to be hearing from them any time soon. It's not my problem. They read the words I write in their own limited understanding. I can't help them to see what I write as I wrote it. I can not help them with reading comprehension. 

     Fernando is going to get married as soon as he finds grandma's death certificate. He is going to move to Brazil this month from what I understand. 

     I have not heard from John. I know he will not be happy to find out his credit cards he requested from my accounts have no value as they have been removed from my accounts.

     My PCP (primary care provider) referred me to a hematologist. The appointment is in Fayetteville at the old VA hospital. I can not bring Caleb to the property at all. He can not wait for me in the car like he would if I were going to the Wilmington VA. I do not know what to do at this point. I have contacted my PCP stating what they told me when I tried to make an appointment there. I will have to wait until the coronavirus clears up so that I can take Caleb. I do not like leaving him behind when I am going that far away. I do not like driving that far in a day. It is dangerous for me to attempt to drive to Fayetteville and back in one day all by myself. 

     My PCP wants to know why my iron levels remain borderline low when I am taking a multi-vitamin daily and an iron supplement she prescribes. It's a mystery to me. Usually women have iron-deficient anemia due to having heavy periods, but I do not menstruate. I was eating a lot of beef and beans too. It's crazy. I can't get enough iron! She thinks it may lead to why I have chronic inflammation. I hope she is right. I want to know why I have chronic inflammation. I want to know how I have chronic inflammation but am not showing signs of auto-immune disorders? 

     I am grateful to have tried this fibromyalgia symptom supplement. It really helps me have better days, as long as I remember to take it 3 times a day. Whoa! I missed a dose on Thursday, and I felt like death walking. My whole body hurt. I didn't want to do anything or even move. It costs less than $4.00 for a month's supply too. I can do that. 

     I am trying this full spectrum lemon peel for its anti-oxidant benefits. I do not know if it is helping. I am also taking new pre-biotic and pro-biotic supplements in the morning. I have read a lot about the importance of gut health and how it affects the whole body. So much is determined from gut health. It seemed like a good place to start trying to make a difference. I was trying to do better by eating raw vegetables at least once a day. Usually I eat a big salad. I also eat vegetables with dinner every night. Nothing I do seems to make a difference in my bowel movements. Because of the iron supplement, I am constipated, but I was constipated before the iron supplement too. The number of vegetable servings I ate had no bearing on my bowel movements. It's got to be all the medications I am taking. That's the only thing I really don't have any control over. I feel like I need the medications just as much as the doctors who prescribe them to me do. Right now, I am taking 2 doses of Miralax every day just to be "regular." I have stopped taking the Miralax because I was having diarrhea due to the stomach virus, but now I have gone a whole day without a bowel movement at all. I will start the Miralax again tomorrow morning.  

     The weather is cooling off here, and it's nice to get outside. I really wanted to taker Caleb and Bella for a walk on the beach the other day. It's a good thing we did not walk far, because we never would have found our way back to the car! The houses all look the same to me, and the dunes have been built between the houses and the beach so that I can not even tell where we entered. I won't be doing that again any time soon. That puts me in a panic.

     Caleb has been having success using his reward chart for the first week. He did not make it to 10 points this week, but nothing worth having comes easily. So I have faith that we will work together so he can make his goal and earn $1.00. 

     He told me that his cousin, McKenzie called him at 1 a.m. the other morning. I wonder what that was about? A butt dial? She never talks to Caleb. 

     I have gotten behind on my chores once again. The kitchen looks like a dumping ground. I will have to work on that if I don't want bugs in the house, and believe me, I don't. Sunday is our day to remove all trash and recycling from the house because trash and recycling pickup is on Monday. I still have to clip Bella's nails, as I got sick before I could get to that. I also need to pace myself. This stuff never seems to end , so I do not want to burn out trying to complete something that never ends. I would rather come to the conclusion that I can only make progress, but never finish, and be satisfied with my accomplishments. 

     I want to be able to sit down with Caleb and get some book work done this week. I want to be able to work with him on his math and his writing skills. I feel they are the most important to make progress on. Dealing with his behavior issues does not make it easy, but I think we can do it. He understands now that math is important to being successful in making good money later on in life.  

     I do not know what to expect next week because I have not looked at my schedule yet, but I do know it is going to be busy. It's a good thing I am feeling better and do not have to cancel anything as long as Caleb doe not get sick. 

     I am waiting for the days when I can wear my jeans and t-shirts and cardigans! I can't wait for the cold weather to set in. I love wearing layers. Even Bella has a new sweater to wear this year! 

     I need a shower so badly. I wanted to take one sooner, but was not feeling like I could stand in the shower long enough to wash everything like I usually do. I was just not well at all. 

     I do not know how today will play out. It just depends on how tired I am. I have to remember that without Dew, I will always be tired during the day, no matter how much I rest. I have to limit my time in bed because it causes me to spend even more time in bed. It's a cycle that I only break to use the bathroom or get up to take my medications, so at some point I will have to pop open a Dew and live my life.