Sunday, October 18, 2020

5 Year Journal Day 149

      Today's prompt is " East coast or West coast? In between?" East coast.

     It is now 2:27 a.m. and I am awake because I got too warm and could not fall back asleep. Yesterday was a good Saturday. I did not do much, but stay on my phone responding to the women who responded to my post on facebook. I wrote a post telling the women veterans of a group I belong to that I needed friends. More women responded than I thought would. I thought I would be ignored. I was wrong!

     I made ham and greens for dinner. I used collard greens, kale, and spinach. It turned out delicious!

     I am still tired, but need to cool off before I can go back to bed. 

     I am so happy to have women veterans to chat with now. I can't believe I waited so long to ask. I guess I never thought about it before. I thought I would meet people in person, but that really limits who I meet, especially right now during the pandemic.

     I am so thirsty right now. I have been drinking my flavored water, and sometimes that makes me more thirsty. I have been drinking orange juice too and the same thing happens with it. Now, I am drinking my Dew. 

     It is quiet right now. Caleb is still asleep. He was ready to go to bed at 6:30 last night. Me too. Bella slept in her crate for the first time in a long time. She had more personal space in the crate than on the bed with us. 

     I can certainly feel the air conditioner blowing on me right now, and that is a good thing. I woke up at one point feeling pins and needles all over my body. It was weird. I have only felt that when maybe my leg or arm falls asleep, never my whole body. 

     My life is going to be different with all these new friends to chat with.  I am excited to start this new journey with them. I no longer feel so alone. I have even met some single moms, some who have kids with special needs and are also homeschooling. 

     I do not feel like the only woman veteran in my community. I know we are out there. This made it more real.

     The retired Lt. Col. who lives on the other side of Billy's house held a block party yesterday. We were not invited, but I guess Caleb crashed the party. 

     I really did not do much. I put dinner in the crock pot after going back to sleep all morning. We went to Walmart to grab a few groceries. That was it. I was supposed to bake a cake with Caleb to take to Donna's tomorrow, but I never got around to it. I will bake it with him later this morning. 

      I am in my period week. I am sluggish and tired more than usual. I am craving salty things like tortilla chips, and also craving chocolate, and fats. I had jalepeno artichoke dip and guacamole with my chips. I had plenty of Dew to stay awake in the afternoon. I felt like I could have stayed in bed all day and been just fine with that. 

     Caleb made me a wand from a tree branch yesterday. I told him now I could do my magick. He said "Magic is not real." I told him "Yes it is." I told him I could not make him disappear or anything like that, but that the spirit world is real. He told me to put a spell on him, so I waved my new tree branch wand and said , "Sleep the whole night! Amen." LOL and he took the wand and put a spell on me, saying, "Give me Twix!" LOL I told him "It works! Look!" And I waved my wand and then pretended to hit somebody on the head, and told him "See! Even if the spell doesn't work, I can knock somebody out!" LOL 

     I finally received the medication I ran out of a couple days ago. I need to order more of another medication to make sure it gets here before I run out, or I am going to suffer. 

     I asked Caleb about changing the settings on his X-Box account so he could talk to other people, since I spent all day chatting with new people. I thought it might be time for him to be able to do the same too. Then I realized, he does not have the microphone headset he needs to be able to talk with other players. I told him maybe he could get one for Christmas. He got all excited like I haven't seen from him in a long time! It was great!

     Oh! Bella just woke up! She just earned herself a cookie by telling me that she needed to go outside! Such a good girl!

     So I think it was Friday that Caleb and I discussed about programming. I found out that he was interested in learning how to program because one of his games, Minecraft, uses programming to build mods! Well, I asked him if he would be interested in taking an online class that is free right now because of the pandemic that is for kids to learn how to program. He said Yes! Oh my heart about burst to hear such words from Caleb! 

     He wanted to talk about the dark web and what it was. He knew that it was not a good place to be, but did not completely know why. I told him that's where people go to hide illegal things they are doing. I also told him about the veterans who are working in the dark web to find child traffickers. 

     I shared with him my experience with programming in college, and told him about my story. He listened to the entire conversation and responded back with questions and comments that showed he was paying attention! I am so proud! 

     I told him I would set him up with registering him for the class once his computer arrives and he could try it out and see what he thinks about it. He is interested in being able to create his own SEP's for Minecraft. Or maybe that's SCP's ? I don't really know. I know the abbreviation is referring to the monsters people create for Minecraft. He loves those things. 

     I listened to the whole Gnarls Barkley album, St. Elsewhere, the other day too. I sang as much as I could remember and danced with Bella too! LOL I had such a good time Friday. I listened to that album before I left for basic training so much. I loved the song "Crazy." It was on the radio all the time too at the time. It just really resonated with me. 

     Yesterday, when I went to Walmart, I was trying to reach a bag of chips on the top shelf and could not reach. I took a cannister of Pringles and tried to reach and still could not reach. A woman saw me, and said "Let me get that for you." She tried and could not reach either. Then another woman tried to reach and could not. We ended up calling out a Walmart employee who happened to be walking by the aisle to help. I just could not get over that these two perfect strangers went out of their way to help me try to reach a bag of chips! It was a good feeling. 

     I remembered more memories from Fernando and grandma today as I was driving back home. Fernando took us to see the Radio City Hall Rockettes one Christmas! Grandma took us to what she referred to as "Great Adventure", but the rest of us call "Six Flags." That day was hard on her. She had problems with her knees. I know it was a long day. She did a lot for us that was not pleasant considering her pains. I was too young to fully understand. I understand much better now that I am older. 

     I knew back in 2013 that it was important for both of them to meet their first born great-grandchild. Caleb was only 4 at the time. Grandma was already suffering from Alzheimer's and needed a lot of help to not get lost in the town she lived. Grandpa was already starting to show his age in his limited ability to move around. I am glad they were able to meet Caleb. I knew then that it was something that had to be done for all involved. It was important to me to introduce Caleb to our family.

     I did not realize then that it would be my last time seeing them. 

     I have lots of cousins on my mom's side, but because we were totally separated from everyone on my mom's side of the family after the divorce, we never had much interaction with them. They are all grown up now. I just saw photos of my cousin, Veronica's, wedding in Canada. It was so beautiful. She was such a beautiful bride. Everything was so perfect and elegant. I wish I could  have had an experience similar to hers. I never had a wedding. I never bought a wedding dress or anything like that. Nigel bought wedding rings for us while I was in basic training and gave me mine at my basic training graduation. I hated it. He bought a yellow gold band with tiny diamonds in it. I did not want yellow gold as I was preferring white gold at the time. I still do. It was too wide for my little fingers, and was not comfortable. I did not wear it for long. It was not feminine. It did not reflect my desires. I do not know what the Hell he was thinking.   

     I wish I had taken photos in my dress uniform, professional photos. I never did. It's way too late for that now. 

     I really love the veteran brothers and sisters I have, even the Active Duty, blood-related brothers I have in the Army who no longer communicate with me. They hold a special place in my heart. 

     Bella is laying down not far away from me, waiting for me to go back to bed. I love her so much.

     If Caleb doesn't wake up, my spell may have worked!

     I think I am going to take a break from all things church related. I just feel weird about it now. 

     I just finished my last Dew for the morning. It is 3:48 a.m. here now. I do not want to stay up for much longer because I have to get up early enough to bake the cake and take a hot shower. I am going to Donna's around noon for a homemade meatloaf dinner! I have to remember to bring her samples of my soups too. I hope she likes them. I think I will bring her some ham and greens too. 

     I don't know what's coming up next week. I just know I have yoga with Dr. Gellman online with the other lady veterans. I also know that I get paid on Tuesday, and have to pay bills then. That is always exhausting. Oh! Also I am having Jonathan come over and mow the lawn for me on Thursday. I can't forget about that because we need to prepare the yard for him in advance so he doesn't have stuff in the way. Caleb makes such a mess.

     I found out that I might be able to get my junk hauled off for free! Donna gave me the name of someone who might be able to help me. If not, at least I also found someone who would do it for $100, not $500. Big deal for us.

     Anyway, Bella is begging to go back to bed. I guess that's my sign to go. 

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