Today's prompt is "What was the last fruit you ate?" A granny smith apple!
It is now 2:37 a.m. and I am awake because I have yuck mouth from drinking a flavored water drink, vaping, and probably sleeping with my mouth open with a CPAP on. I needed a Dew to clear that up.
Yesterday was a pretty relaxing day for the most part. I did shop vac and pet vac half of the hallway floor, and nearly killed my back in the process. Caleb has not cleared the other half of the hallway for me yet. I was going to get started shampooing the carpet, but when I was on a break I went to look at new carpet cleaners. I bought mine 10 years ago. It doesn't have the new features, for obvious reasons. It is not a steam cleaner designed to clean pet messes, so I splurged and bought a new carpet cleaner. I had to use my credit card, but was able to get it a 12 month interest free promotion, as well as the military discount! I have wanted this new carpet cleaner for more than a year now. I saw it in the store and wanted it badly, immediately. I knew I could not afford it, and walked away. I can't afford it now, but I would rather spend the money on that than on something that isn't a tool to keep the house clean and together. I have animals in the house, and need to be able to clean up after them. I have a Caleb, and I have a Bella. LOL
I spent most of the day online and on my phone. I did watch two halves of 2 different movies. I finished watching Sex in the City the movie, and I started watching Bewitched. I was able to get Amazon Prime membership at half price because I am on government assistance, so now I have access to movies, music, and kindle books that I did not have access to before.
That was pretty much my day. Oh yeah, did I mention that Caleb woke me up at 6:30 in the morning and would not let me go back to sleep? Yeah. That happened. I was like a zombie for most of the day. I just wasn't fully awake or wanting to do much. I mean, it was Sunday after all. I was supposed to rest up for the next week ahead. Kids! What can you do?
I found that my toilet is leaking from the bottom. I think the wax seal needs to be replaced. I have no idea how to do it, I just know it has to be done.
I was window shopping online. I found all kinds of things I want to buy but can't right now. It sucks. Of course alot of the things I want are not things I need, so I am grateful for that. I am thinking about telling Caleb that part of his Christmas and birthday presents are the clothes that I bought him. He will get them when they get here, but I don't want it to go unnoticed that money was spent on him for the purpose of the cold weather and holiday season that we did not have to spend. I had to use credit. I bought him comfy lounge pants to hang out at home in for the Fall and Winter. So, there are a number of fleece lined pants and sweat pants coming, as well as 2 nice outfits to wear on Thanksgiving and Christmas.
He was wearing a new pair of jeans I bought him a couple months ago today. They look really nice on him, and are loose enough to be comfortable for him. Caleb has grown into a handsome young man.
While I was shopping online, it occurred to me to search for obesity belly support. I found what I was looking for almost immediately! I just needed the right search. So, once all the Lane Bryant shapewear is delivered, I will return them to the store. They do not provide enough support. They are not for people like me. My belly is hard and solid, and I need to decrease the pressure on my spine and hips to be able to work comfortably until I can lose the weight. I almost had to buy a pregnancy belly support! OMG! The embarrassment! You know what though? I am too big for the largest pregnancy belly support! I need a more ergonomically correct way to carry my weight so every little thing I try to do around the house does not hurt my back. I am already wearing the proper shoes, with custom insoles, and a lift. I am wearing the compression socks daily now. This is the next step to being able to move more without throwing me into the bed for the rest of the day. It's pointless to try to work for a few minutes and then end up in bed for the whole day. It completely defeats the point of what I am trying to do here. I need to move MORE, not less, in order to use more calories and strengthen my body.
I am also considering going somewhere for facial waxing. I was going to go down the street. They say on their website that they do that, but when I contacted them, they say they only do eyebrows! What about my beard and mustache?! So, I might take my business somewhere where it's a one stop shop. I might have to wait until I make another visit to Wilmington. Or, I could just go to the Korean girls and get threaded! I thought about that too. I need to figure it out before I go to Wilmington to return the Lane Bryant clothes. I don't want to have to sit there and tweeze all these hairs out. I don't do the best job as I can't see that well because the lighting is shitty in the bathroom, and I use a mirror, but ... no. I can only do so much. It's easier to have a professional doing it. They can see everything.
When I was watching Sex in the City the movie, I thought I really like the hair color that Carrie chose. It's a brunette with red tones. I wonder how much it would cost to have my hair done by a professional. It's alot harder to lighten dark hair than it is to darken light hair. I know that much. As I have aged, my hair has gotten really dark, with the exception of the white hairs that are showing up.
Caleb found one of my weights. It is now on the porch. I think it is called a kettle bell. I think it is a 10lbs. one. I bought it way back in 2013 and haven't touched it since. I was really into working out back then. Back then things were different as far as me having time to myself. I can't even go to the bathroom by myself anymore! Back then I was going to college full time and had Caleb in daycare the whole day. I did everything I needed to do while he was in daycare, and then when I had him home during the week there was only time to bathe him, feed him, and send him to bed. On the weekends we had quality time with eachother. Now I have Caleb with me every second of the day. Yes, he is much older now. He is not a pre-schooler any more. I need to create a workout plan that we can do together. It needs to be strength and flexibility focused, so I should use my gentle mindfulness yoga training and weights. He needs aerobic exercise. He has too much energy. I need movement, but I can just walk and get tired.
I stopped using myFitnessPal because I am lazy. I do not want to do the required work. I have to get beyond my laziness though. I need to know how much I am eating so I can have an idea of how to make changes. I know I eat too much. It happens because I am either hungry in the belly, or mouth hungry. Gum does not help. I have tried chewing sticks at one point back in 2013. They did not help either. AND I was trying to talk to my PCP about quitting vaping, but they want me to wait until December 23 when my appointment in scheduled to talk about it in person. Ugh! The frustration I have with these women! I need a way to not be hungry. I drink plenty of fluids, and drinking more water is not the answer for me. I drink plenty of water already. I am tempted to go back on over the counter diet pills. I know the dangers and they are very real for me because I already have high blood pressure. I know I cannot take thermogenics like I once did. There has to be something. I wish I could just chew on coca leaves like they do in South America, in the Andes Mountains.
I have to stop eating carbs. I overeat carbs the in the worst way. It's like I have no control once I start eating them. I need to substitute eating more leafy green vegetables for carbs. I don't even like the way that sounds, but it would be really helpful if I could do that. Why does this have to be so hard to do? It was so much easier when I was taking thermogenics! Damnit! I want to be fit but I don't want to do the work. Dude, I am so lazy. I don't want to change, but I want the health benefits of change. It's quite the conundrum. I can't just stop taking the pills that are telling my body that it needs to eat more. I need a way to tell my body enough is enough already.
So I have spent the last little while doing some searching about what natural remedies to use for appetite suppressants. I came up with the following list:
gymnema sylvstre
fenugreek
green tea
caralluma fibriata
glucomannan
CLA
ginger
garcinia cambogia
yerba mate
cayenne
cinnamon
Coffee and dark chocolate were also listed but coffee makes me sick and tired, and I don't want to eat dark chocolate. So, I went over to my preferred supplement shop at Swanson Vitamins and checked out what was available. I ended up buying one of each. Knowing me, I will probably take them all at one time. LOL I just want something to work! Anything! I can't take anything with caffeine in it. I can't take thermogenics. Breaking down what gets used in weight loss pills is helpful. I'll make my own blend.
I'm excited. I like to try new things to solve my problems. I like using herbal supplements rather than trying to buy this stuff in bulk at the grocery store. I don't like the way most of this stuff tastes anyway, and I would have to eat all this stuff everyday! So, the best way for me to do that is to take pills. I can easily eat all these food things in one sitting. I don't have to learn how to incorporate them into my daily living right away. This is what works for me. Besides, I am not alone. I cook for 2. I am not going to cook more than one meal for 2 people. I don't do that. Some people may be willing to do that for their kids, I am not. Nope. Not going to happen.
I am proud of myself. I found the fibromyalgia symptom relief by accident, and then I tried the back pain relief. They both work great! I tried stuff to fight inflammation. It worked. So why not try these too?
Earlier this year I was taking Victoza, which is an injection designed to help lose weight. It did not work. It's not surprising that western medicine does not work as well on me as it does for other people. The other 2 options I had available to try that are prescriptions were ruled out because Contrave has sertraline in it , if I am not mistaken, and I cannot have sertraline because I have had seizures. The other option was some kind of fat blocker, that I believe is the prescription version of Alli. I was told that it could cause pooping accidents if I eat fatty foods. Well, I don't normally eat fatty foods, but I am not willing to clean up my poopy mess if I forget myself. Just saying.
Those were the only options presented to me because I have had seizures, am already on anti-depressants, and am diabetic with high blood pressure, and because we talking about the VA regulations allow. I have heard that some people have had gastric bypass through the VA, and I am wondering why that has not been made available to me even though I requested to see an obesity specialist. I was told there is no obesity specialist, and that I could talk to a dietician. Well what the Fuck? Why am I not getting the same level of care as other women who had trouble losing weight?
Today Caleb has 2 appointments in person. The first is to see his pediatrician, get his flu shot, and have any other shots needed for his age, and have his annual physical. The second is for his therapy appointment. The first appointment is at 0830 so I better wrap this up and get back to bed because it is already 4:55 a.m. here, and I have to get up in a couple of hours.
Bella and Caleb are asleep in my bed. I wonder is there is room for me right now. LOL Alright, going to go ahead and take my iron and get some rest.
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