Today's prompt is " What is the most creative thing you have done lately?" Well, I created a non-stick version of Brazilian rice that was easier for me to cook. Instead of heating garlic cloves in oil and frying the rice once it is cooked, I use garlic salt, onion powder, and a little bit of olive oil in the water before I add the rice. The pot I cook the rice in is not non-stick at all. It's very important that I add olive oil to whatever I cook in it so it does not stick and burn to the pot. It turned out wonderfully! Both Caleb and I like it this way.
It is now 1:32 a.m. here. I woke up and could not fall back asleep. Sucks because I am tired. Yesterday I managed to log in all my food and drinks into myFitnessPal. I did not measure everything before I ate it though. I did not go for a walk like I intended. I was very tired. I woke up at 3 something in the morning and did not go back to sleep. Caleb and I went to Wilmington so that I could have my labs and x-rays taken very early in the morning. I was at the clinic for about 3 hours or so. We made it home around 1 o' clock. When I got home, I was sooooo hungry. I did not have any breakfast before we left. I was not hungry at the time. I had my big meal for lunch, and a salad for dinner. I needed a break and around 3 p.m. I went to lay down for awhile. I did not get much else done. I was so tired by then.
I went over my calories by over 1,000. Holy shit! Yeah. For real. But like I said, I did not measure my food, so I could be off by quite a bit. It looks like I have to give up the newly found Brazilian rice and the chicken nuggets. Those are now for Caleb only. I must do better.
Yesterday we had some drama with the neighbor who lives across the street. The day before a package was delivered to our address with our address on it, but someone else's name. Neither Caleb, nor I recognized the names. I did not know what to do with it. I figured it was for the people who lived here before us. Not wanting to have a package in the house without knowing what was in it, I opened the box. I also opened the card.
Yesterday morning as I was about to pull out of the driveway, the neighbor comes to the Mazda and asks Caleb if we received a package. He said that there was tracking on the package and that it was delivered to our address. Oh Shit! Once I realized my mistake, I was quick to sincerely apologize for opening the box. I made sure to let him know that I would not have opened it, had I recognized that it belonged to them. I went back inside and collected the package. I handed to him, and we went about our business.
When we came back home, the neighbor was in his front yard. I told Caleb to go apologize for not recognizing his name on the package. You see, Caleb goes over there (across the street) to hang out with that neighbor every once in awhile, and he should have known it was his friend's package. Caleb comes back home and is very upset, "Thanks a lot!" he said, "Now I can't go over there any more!" I was confused. Caleb did not open the package and he went over there to apologize... why would the neighbor have been so mean? Caleb is 11 years old, and he made an honest mistake, as did I. I meant no harm. I did not intentionally open a package that I knew belonged to him.
I told Caleb that the neighbor was "an old man acting like a 2 year old!" He was about to cry. He settled down after a little while, from playing his video game.
I don't feel any kind of way about it. I made a mistake and as soon as I realized what I had done, I apologized for it. If he wants to be an asshole, that's on him.
Anyway, I am waiting for the results from my labs (bloodwork), and x-rays. I hope I get news soon.
There were a lot of things on my to-do list that did not get done because I was tired. Today I don't have any appointments. I hope to hear back from my PCP's office before the weekend. I do not know how the day will go. I really need to go to the store and buy some vegetables, and some juices for Caleb. I also need to buy some allergy cream for Bella's paws.
I got my comforter from zulily in the mail yesterday, and the whole family slept under it on my bed. LOL Well, Bella slept on top of it, but I think she enjoyed the new blanket as much as we did.
I am expecting to get some packages in the mail today. One will be from Swanson. I do not know who the other one is from.
I hope I can take Bella for a walk today. That would really help me lower my calorie total for the day. I have to plan what I am going to eat better than I did yesterday. I will have almondmilk to take my medications in the morning. I don't have any more salad to eat. My mom told me there is a low calorie version of the Olive Garden salad dressing that I like. I need to find where it is sold around here. Maybe I will have soup for lunch. I have to see what meats are thawed. I took several out of the freezer and put them in the fridge the other day. At least one should be thawed by now. I have to eat low carb again. Damnit. I hate that. So I need a lot of vegetables to be able to munch on, and select diabetic-friendly fruits. I am good about eating vegetables, and I like a lot of fruits. It's just eating enough to not be hungry anymore can be a problem, as they do not fill you up like say rice for example. Rice expands in water, and so does pasta. I can't have those anymore, and they are cheap ways to make sure you are no longer hungry. I am not getting enough protein according to yesterday's log. I normally have a piece of meat with my dinner, but all I had yesterday were some chicken nuggets. I might have to do some meal prepping work this weekend so I have healthy whole foods available to eat at any point in time. I need to be able to carry a snack whereever I go so I do not get tempted to eat out. This is not a problem now with the quarantining, but will be once things become more normal and I have to spend so much time driving to appointments.
I'm already on the chicken breast train. I'm already on the salad every day train. I'm already on the hydration and water drinking train. I'm already on the unsweetened vanilla almondmilk train. This shouldn't be too difficult. I'm already trying to walk Bella everyday, or least 5 times a week. I'm already in the habit of weighing myself weekly.
I'm ready to start my Miralax again. I feel backed up since I am not having full bowel movements. It took 2 whole days to have a bowel movement after my diarrhea was over. It wasn't even a big one when it finally did happen! Ugh, I feel so heavy from the waste accumulating in my gut that is not moving fast enough.
I am trying to see in my head what my day needs to look like. I need to go grocery shopping. I get my EBT food money today, so that will not be a problem. I need to find a way to make more soupy meals so I can drink the broth and get full. That seems like a good plan. Throw some chicken breasts and vegetables in the crock pot with some water and seasoning and BAM! You got a soup!
I bought the biggest crock pot I could find. It's a 10 quart crock pot so there is plenty of room for lots of vegetables and chicken breasts at one time. I can make more than one meal at a time and save them either in the fridge or the freezer for later consumption. That way I am not having to cook every day. I will supplement Caleb's diet with rice and beans if he wants a bigger meal. Somebody has to eat that stuff. Now I can't !
I have to give up the grilled cheese and ham sandwiches. I use way too much butter on those sandwiches which make it crunchy and so tasty, but they are so bad for me, and I know it.
I am no longer buying pork butt roasts. I think we are worn out from them. I am no longer buying beef as it is expensive, and I am trying to stay within my means. I am no longer buying fish for the same reason.
So that's what I going to do. I have to remember to check the price of a whole chicken too. It might actually be cheaper than buying the chicken breasts alone.
I just put my shopping list together and it is almost all fruits and vegetables. I'm doing god so far.
I've had enough Dew for one morning. I get so thirsty. Nothing seems to quench my thirst. Actually, Gatorade Zero does the best job, but still doesn't make it go away.
I'm still behind in my house cleaning. I have not gotten back to work yet. I need to do something about that today too. I feel like I am supposed to have control over my home, but I don't. I live with a little person who has delays in growth, mentally, and is hard to control due to his ADHD and ODD. One day he will thank me for never giving up on him. One day he will appreciate the hard work and sacrifices I have made to provide for us. One day I hope to have grandchildren of my own to spoil.
I remember when Caleb was so little. I like to look back on photos. As a matter of fact that is what I did when I was waiting for my turn to get x-rays. It took them about 2 hours to get me in. I did not have a cell signal, and so was left to own devices on whatever was on my phone that did not require the internet connection. They really should have free wifi at the clinic. I do not know why they don't . Anyhow, I was looked back through 2 whole years of photos on my phone. I saw the photos of John. I saw Christinia and Harlee. Lots of photos of Bella and Caleb, and even more of me. I deleted the photos and screenshots that no longer serve me to make room for new photos. Sometimes I take screenshots as notes to myself so that I can remember to go back to a particular page or search for something that I know I would not remember. Maybe I need some ginkgo biloba, maybe I need to defragment my brain. I wish I could.
John has a sense of humor, and I miss that about him. Everything is funny. It's a defensive mechanism hiding the real pain he faces every night when he closes his eyes. He has nightmares and moans and groans in his sleep. He has sleep apnea, but does not use his CPAP. He does not sleep very long. I am much like him in that respect. I only sleep from about 8 until 2, and I require naps during the day to make up for lost rest. I do not have nightmares. Most nights I do not "sleep" long enough to have dreams. I never make it to my REM cycle. At least that is what I think. I have to look it up to be sure. I use to get up multiple times at night to use the bathroom and get drinks and/or snacks. I do not wake up to use the bathroom anymore. I still wake up thirsty as Hell, and sometimes I crave something to munch on. Nowadays I wake up and simply am not able to fall back asleep. Sometimes I get too warm and taking the blanket from on top of me does not cool me down. I am forced to get up and cool off in the common area where the air can surround my whole body. Back when John was here, I was sleeping on the couch in the living room which is open to the dining area and kitchen (called the common area). He would wake up from his short sleep, and come out here to play on his computer or talk on his phone. The damn light was always on. I hated it. I hated that he didn't have the consideration enough for me to not talk on the phone while I was trying to sleep. Nowadays, I have my bedroom back and I am able to sleep in a bed that suits my needs for elevated head and feet during sleep. It makes a huge difference to not have somebody putting on the lights and/or talking while I am trying to sleep. I mean, he wasn't quietly talking either. He was talking on the phone like it was midday and everyone was awake- LOUDLY!
I miss pieces of Christinia too. She was helpful around the house. I miss our inside jokes. I hope she is ok. I will always love her in a way that I could not possibly love anyone else. Always. I wish she knew that. I hope she gets treatment for her mental illnesses and seeks therapy to gain better control of her emotions.
I have photos of my nieces and nephews too. I may never see them again, and that's sad. Really sad. I felt so invested in their lives through Nichole. I wonder if any of them think about me at all. It's sad that it has come to this. We are adults. We should be able to express ourselves without someone saying we should be censored. Mathew said I needed to be censored. For what purpose? I am no longer a soldier in the U.S. Army. I have regained my freedom of expression and speech 10 years ago this November. Why am I hated by my family?
I can not dwell on these failed relationships. It's all very sad to think about. I can not be controlled by someone else. I am self-controlled. I am an adult. I have the right to express myself as an American citizen. I do not have to follow what others may believe to be true. I am able to come to my own conclusions. I have the freedom of speech just like anyone else here! Why should I be treated like I don't ? Why am I less than equal to any of you?
May love, compassion for others and self, and grace be extended to the people in my thoughts. We are all only human. We are all doing the best we can to provide for ourselves and our children. It's hard out there... in the world. This I pray in Jesus' name. Amen.
I am not a nobody. I will not believe that anymore. I am a somebody. I am Jennifer Lynn de Mello and I care about people. How is the world worth living without love for others and love for self? I may not stay up on the latest trends, or even follow the daily scripture readings, but I know in my heart what Jesus would have wanted. I am not always successful, but I do try to follow his lead. I try. I make a difference. When I die, I will be missed. I know this.
It's 60 degrees in here according to the thermostat. I am still warm. I am wearing my summer clothes. I had to take off my compression socks because they were causing me pain.
I am surprised Bella has not come out here looking for me or asking me to go back to bed. Perhaps it because she has Caleb in the bed with her. Bella shows me what it's like to give unconditional love everyday. She sees no fault in me. She loves me just how I am.
Well, it's 3:43 a.m. here now, and I am going to try to get some rest. I've got a lot to do today.
No comments:
Post a Comment