Friday, November 6, 2020

5 Year Journal Day 168

      Today's prompt is "What makes you cynical?" People in power who don't care about anyone but themselves. 

     It is now 4:47 a.m. here. Yesterday I woke up early to be the first person to have my tire changed at the Walmart Auto Center. Caleb and I left a little after 7:00 to be there by 8:00. I knew my spare tire was on the flat side and it sounded weird when driving on it, so I drove with my emergency lights on and at about 20 mph in a 45 mph zone. It was a long drive to the nearest working air pump. It was slow, but we made it. My spare tire only had 20 psi when it was supposed to have 60 psi. It has been in the trunk since 2015, and never taken out. The air pump only accepts credit cards, but was not accepting any of mine. There was something wrong with the card reader. I could not drive anywhere else, so I had to find a solution. It also took apple Pay. SO I registered on my phone for apple Pay to see if it would work. It did! Thank God!  So yeah. I still drove slowly after I put air in the tire. I drove about 35 in a 55 mph zone. It was a 2 lane highway, and traffic was building behind me, so as soon as I had the opportunity, I pulled out of the way to let the traffic pass. We made it to the Walmart auto center before 8:00, when they open and pulled in front of the bay that services tires. Once they opened, the hard part was done. We handed over the keys and went to look around Walmart while the tire was being replaced. 

     I bought a couple of flashlights to keep in the trunk of the car, in case I need them in the future. I found Clorox cleaning spray on the shelf! I also found laundry sanitizer! I found Lysol disinfectant! I found Clorox disinfecting wipes! All have not been available since Covid started, so I bought one of each! 

     On the way home, I stopped at Auto Zone and bought a scissor jack to replace the one that broke, and a can of fix-a-flat, just in case I happen to damage more than one tire. 

     I spent more money than I wanted yesterday, but the peace of mind that I have now, is soo worth it. I wasn't planning on getting a flat tire. If I had not recently gotten a check from NC Dept. of Revenue, I would not have had any money at all! 

     Once we got home, we had something to eat, and just kind of relaxed for a little while before Caleb's appointment. 

     Oh! I almost forgot, I bought Caleb a pair of men's boots, after giving him the choice between a pair of women's boots and men's boots at Walmart. He chose the men's boots. I also bought him a stuffed unicorn, because it was the multi-colored one I wanted to get him for Christmas but couldn't find. I bought him a  pink one instead for Christmas. I wanted to return the pink one for the multi-colored one, but Caleb wanted it so bad, and I just couldn't say no. It was the only one of it's kind left. 

     I also bought some hemp twine, glass beads, and jingle bells to craft with. I wanted to make witch's bells after I saw someone else make them with their child. I wanted to put my own flair on it. I love hemp and glass  beads. 

     Anyway, the rest of our day was a normal day. Caleb had his appointment and we came home. It began to rain, so my body began to feel sore and achy. Eventually I made a giant salad. I have wanted a salad since buying the ingredients for it a few days ago, but have not had the energy to make it. I finally got to making one. 

     Caleb made frozen pao de quiejo. They turned out perfectly and so delicious! 

     I made a few new friends on facebook from a group I am now a member of. I feel pretty good about that as the women veterans I made friends with don't appear to be online that often at all.

     Today is Friday and ballots are still being counted for the elections. I don't have any major plans on my the schedule, and if it continues to rain, I may just stay in bed. I am worn out from this week. 

     On Saturday we have plans to go pick up seashells from the beach, if the weather is good. 

     I didn't get around to watching my educational video yesterday. Hopefully I will get to watch one today. I have a list of videos I am trying to watch as soon as possible, so that I can implement some changes to my lifestyle and lead a happier life. 

     Bella followed me out here this morning. She is laying only 2 feet away from me and looking in my direction. LOL

     Caleb slept in his own bed, alone, last night. 

     Thanksgiving is just around the corner and I need to make space in my freezer to put the frozen pies, ice cream, and whip cream. I have time to work it out. 4 pies require alot of space though. 

     I still have not driven the Volvo. The tires are going to go bad if I don't drive it. They are brand new tires. SMH.

     The temperatures have cooled off, and it's nice to be outside when it's sunny.

     Rachel contacted me by text message the other day and told me why she was not texting me. I text her back, but it shows that she never read what I sent. I pray for her. She is overwhelmed, stressed, and dealing with depression. I know how hard that is. I dealt with it for years at a time. 

     My mom commented on a facebook post I wrote about getting a flat tire. She hasn't called all week. I don't call her because she works and I can't remember her changing schedules. Well, she knows how to reach me. 

     I am working on myself alot this year. I want to see positive changes in my life. I am recovering from the abusive relationships I have had, and learning to trust people again. I am acknowledging and processing emotions about things that have not been talked about. Some people call what I am doing "shadow work." It can only bring good things to me by dealing with the things that will only grow in size if I ignore them.  

     I am learning to accept myself as I am regardless of what other people may think of me. It's not an easy thing to do when it costs relationships. However, if it costs relationships, chances are they were not healthy relationships to begin with, and why would I want to be a part of something where I can not be myself? 

     I'm already 37 years old, and I am not getting any younger. I want to be around people who love me for me. There will only be one me in the entire history of the universe, take it or leave it. I will not feel bad for people hating me when I only try to show kindness to them. Even Jesus and Moses were hated, and they were better people than I am. I will not stand for people hating on other people either. I mean, not a single person who has done something worthy of hatred, but whole groups of complete strangers. I thought in 2020 we would be better than that. I don't hate black people. I don't hate Jewish people. I don't hate Queer people. It's a sign of ignorance to hate whole groups of complete strangers. I am not ignorant. Every single person is unique and capable of both good and bad things, including myself. I do hate Trump. I can't hide that. I absolutely hate him. I'm tired of seeing his orange face. I'm tired of hearing him speak lies after lies. I'm tired of him inciting violence against peaceful people. 

     I still don't understand why anyone would vote for him. The people who vote for him must be aligned with him in some kind of way, and I can only guess, because I can't stand to have a conversation with Trump supporters about it. 

     I am not aligned with Trump at all. That's all there is to it. 

     When I enlisted to the United States Army, I made the conscious decision given that I could die fighting for our freedoms and peace in the world. I would fight for American freedoms and peace. I do not know how you could see it any other way. I put my life on the line for all Americans and the allies of U.S. I volunteered during wartime. It was a risk I was willing to make. As a woman, there are not many others like me out there, and I need to realize that. I have not come to that conclusion fully yet. 

     I did not serve in Iraq or Afghanistan. I was not assigned orders to a unit that deployed. I served in Korea. While Korea was on my list of requested assignments, it was not up to me to give myself orders to go there. It was not in my control where I was assigned. 

     If things had been different, I would have liked to have deployed at least once. I know deployment is hard, and I just wanted to share the burden with my fellow servicemembers. 

     Trump is a privileged draft dodger. 

     Trump gave the richest people in the country tax breaks to where they don't pay their fair share of taxes, and then wonders why we have budget deficit. WTF?! Simple math. 

     Why is social security on the block? Why would you take the money that people paid into it, and use it to build a wall between the U.S. and Mexico? Why would you take money from the Armed Forces to build that wall? Why is a wall so damn important to people? What do people have against immigrants? 

     Why was it acceptable to take children away from their parents? Because they are foreigners? 

     Where is the new health insurance program that was supposed to be better than Obama's plan? 

     Why did it take so long to issue out protective gear to the states during the Covid crisis? Why would you remove the U.S. from the W.H.O.? Why do Trump supporters think that all the Covid-related deaths are acceptable, and masks are not necessary? 

     Why is it ok that someone who laundered money from a charity is the President of the United States? 

     Whether or not you believe in climate change, the Earth we live on, and the only planet we can inhabit, needs protection. We need clean air. We need clean water. That's all there is to it.

     Why is land that has been protected, being allowed to be used for tree logging and deforestation? 

     Why are we dependent on the same foreigners that are being walled against to put out fires in the west? 

      Why is a woman who does not separate church from state on the Supreme  Court? Why choose a Christian woman, when you don't follow Christ? 

     I haven't heard of any jobs returning to the United States.

     I haven't heard of any good things coming from the changes to the U.S. relationship with China. 

     What kind of President doesn't accept the election results when finalized?

     Just writing my piece. Maybe you have answers to my questions. 

   

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