5 Year Journal Day 178

      Today's prompt is "What's your biggest indulgence?" Right now it is carbohydrates, mostly this freshly made Italian 5 grain bread. 

     It is now 3:36 a.m. here. It is quiet, and Caleb is asleep. He did not sleep at all last night because he did not take his night time medication. He told me he did, but he didn't. He woke me up every few hours throughout the night. He was hyper AF. It turned out to be rainy day yesterday. I could feel it on my bones. My body ached from head to toe. I felt like doing alot of nothing. I wanted to stay in bed. At the same time I wanted to catch up on my chores. It sucks. I ended up doing nothing.

     Caleb and I went to the Dollar Tree to see what was available. Caleb wanted a bag of candy, and I bought him one. Later, we both tried Cry Baby's extra sour gum. It ruined my sour taste receptors on my tongue. 

     I went to Walmart to grab some ginger root. I bought enough to last at least a week. It was alot of ginger root, because I use so much in my cooking now. I also bought more rosemary, some thyme, and some bay leaves. Of course I needed more minced garlic so I wouldn't run out. 

     I ate leftover stew beef chili and it was awesome tasting. After eating it, I thought about calling Fernando, my grandpa. It hurt because I can't. He is dead. 

     My mom text me being concerned that I was calling myself a witch. 

     Well, I am a witch. I am a Wiccan based, Christian, eclectic, modern, witch. I am following the moon cycles, and will be celebrating the change of seasons, as well as the harvests. I choose to work with the Divine Spirit, some people may call "the Holy Spirit." I still talk with Jesus. 

     I don't go to church. 

     I am not Wiccan. 

     I am not a Devil/Satan/Lucifer worshipper. 

     I do not do dark magic, which means that I do not do magic to harm anyone. 

     My magic is solely based on my wants and needs and is driven by my imagination, visualization, meditations, and incantations. My spells are no different than Christian prayers. I just do not refer to Divine Spirit as God. I use positive affirmations. 

     I am going to learn healing arts. I am going to learn how to use herbs and spices to heal myself and others. I have been using herbs and spices already in my cooking, but I want to know more. I use herbs and spices in my homeopathic remedies I buy from Swanson Vitamins too. 

     I am going to learn how crystals change affect energy. 

     I am already doing gentle mindfulness Yoga. 

     I want to learn more about healing and clearing chakras, which are energy centers along the body. 

     I want to heal emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I want to heal physically too. 

     I am learning for myself first, but I would like to be able to help others heal too. 

     I have written before, and I will write it again. I use candles, incense, and sage. I use essential oils, and salts. I use crystals, and plants. I use lotions and creams. I use herbs and spices. I use photos. I use blessings. I use visualizations, and meditations, as well as action to manifest my desires. I use an oracle deck from time to time. I use a journal. I am taking classes. 

     None of this is new. I did not change who I am. I was already doing these things when I joined a group and found people who were doing similar things. 

     Now I feel less odd and more comfortable because I know what I am and how I can learn more to get better at what I was already doing. 

     I am a witch. I will be practicing Energy Medicine based on quantum physics. I will also be practicing mental health with classes I was already enrolled in like Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Neuro-Linguistic programming. 

     I do things that honor the highest good.

     That's the kind of witch I am.

     The only difference between me now and a month ago, is then I was alone in my practice. Now I don't have to be alone, and I can learn more from people who have been doing these things for decades. 

     I heard from my ex-boyfriend from years ago, back when I was in Korea. The thought of him makes me smile. He is finishing up his term as a Drill Sergeant at Ft. Benning, if I remember correctly. It's a comfort that somebody from those days still thinks of me. I meant something to someone. We have kept in touch loosely all these years. I think, even though we didn't get married, we will end up growing old together as friends. 

     I don't have any plans for today. My schedule is clear. Hopefully I will get some of my chores done. I never did get my laundry washed. It's piling up. 

     We are celebrating Thanksgiving early because Donna's kids are spending their holiday with their mother. We are going to have a dinner on Saturday. I will not be able to clear enough room in the freezer before then, so I have resolved to just buy the pies on Friday, and bake them then. 

     I have Yoga on Tuesday, and I see my psychiatrist on Wednesday. Caleb has occupational therapy on Thursday, and I bake pies on Friday. I have a busy week ahead.