Thursday, August 11, 2022

New Start Day 15

     I have been working on my Capella studies this morning. I had a discussion post due by midnight tonight, and 3 reply posts due by Sunday at midnight. I went ahead and completed all of those. I have a quiz to complete by Sunday at midnight too, but I have not yet read all the materials. 

    I have my psychological evaluation with Ted Jamison today. I am having a hard time getting ready this morning. I woke up with back pain again around 0400. I was tired for hours. I finally feel somewhat awake now that I have drunken so many Diet Mountain Dews, and eaten some ham and cheese. I don't know. The struggle is real. 

    I have to take a shower and am not really motivated to get up from my chair. I already took my medications, and gave Caleb his medications. I did my Reiki practice for the morning. I want to go back to bed. 

    So I learned that 300 hours of supervised work is required per month during this Master's degree program in order to be ready to become a Board Certified Behavior Analyst after graduation. Yeah... I don't think so. I remember having a conversation about that with my advisor prior to enrolling in this program. While it would be great if I was working, I am not able to work. I have so many responsibilities right now that I can't take on more work even if I wanted to. I don't want more work. LOL Seriously though, I'm not going to be a Board Certified Behavior Analyst anytime soon. Maybe after Caleb grows up, I might be able to handle the workload in preparing for that, but not right now. 

    My appointment with Ted, the psychologist, is at 1400 today. It will last between 2 and 3 hours. I have already given Caleb instructions on how to prepare for sitting in the waiting room that long. Pack laptop, phone, ear buds, food, and drinks, and a book. All covered. 

    I have my Reiki Master class graduation later tonight. I wonder if what I am feeling is from the Reiki Master 21-day detox that happens after attunement. It might be. Hopefully I will feel better after I take a shower and put on some clean clothes. I have been wearing these clothes since Saturday. Yep. I'm funky monkey. Showers drain the life out of me so I can not take them every day twice a day like I use to. I don't know what happened to me to make that happen. I use to take 2 showers a day when I was in the Army. I use to take 1 shower a day after the Army service. When did it get to the point of me not taking showers every day? I bet it started when I was depressed. Now, I just can't deal with the sensations and energy draining that showering causes me. It's like exercise to reach all the places I wash. I'm tired after I dry off and put on my clothes. I need naps. Like I have to give myself permission to rest. I feel like I have to work all the time, and it's not helping me in the long run. In the long run, I am becoming more stressed and anxiety filled because the list of things I have to do get bigger and bigger everyday, and I am never catching up. I gotta chill out for a minute and think about that. 

    Part of taking this program is to help me with academic writing. Part of the reason I am taking this program with Capella is because I want to be able to use the methods I am being taught with myself and Caleb. Ultimately I want to graduate with a doctorate. Why not? I deserve it. I am a pretty good writer. Why not? 

    Caleb starts homeschooling tomorrow. We are going to spend time doing an orientation including rules and regulations for how I want things to go this year. I have books already ready, but I think it might take him a little more time to get use to getting up when I get up. Usually I can't go back to sleep, and need something to do. Now I have my courses online, but I have had this blog for more than a year now I think. We will make a plan together for Caleb's success because I want him to thoroughly understand what is going on and what is expected of him. 

    In about 18 months I will graduate from Capella with a Master's degree. 

    Will I be diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder after my psych eval is complete? I have no doubt that I have Autism Spectrum Disorder. For some reason I am unable to put into words why I think and feel that.  Maybe because I have Autism Spectrum Disorder? LOL Oh shit! I wonder if anything else will come up during the testing. I can't wait for it to be over already. I just want to be in bed today. Like for real. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything. 

    I have been taking anxiety medication with my night time medications to see if that will help me relax at night and sleep deeply. I don't think it is helping. I am also using the Apollo neuro band during the day. I set alarms to remember to call on Reiki during the day. I am wearing my fitbit with the new scrunchie band.

    Bella is sleeping on the floor next to my feet. She is such a sweet dog. How did I get so lucky to see her story on the news as Pet of the Week in Wilmington? I am so blessed to have her in my life. She follows me everywhere and loves to sleep next to me. She loves it when I give her whole body rubs. 

    Caleb went to take Bubba for a walk. He is taking longer than I expected. I am waiting for him to return so I can take my shower in peace, knowing that if I fall someone will come to help me. I do have alot of anxiety about showering. I was supposed to get these bars attached to the shower walls so I could grab them when I get in and out of the bathtub. They would also help me to pull myself up if I fell. I worry so much. It did not use to be this way. I use to enjoy showers. Now it's more of a chore that I want to avoid until I can't avoid it anymore. 

    I need to schedule my physical therapy exercises so I remember to do them before I fall asleep. I have to remember to bring the notebook of all the Autism screening assessments I took to Ted today. I meant to take them last time I went to see him, but I totally forgot until I started talking to him. 

    Caleb just got back from his walk. Time to shower! Be blessed my readers!

    

     

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