It is 0506 right now, and I have been awake for about 30 minutes. I am listening to the level 2 andara attunement. I have just taken my medications and choked on one of the bigger capsules. Thank God I got it down! I slept with the andara on my chest again I only took 2 hydroxyzine pills with my night time medication, and the melatonin. Today I am only taking 1 hydroxyzine pill twice during the day. I just took the first one. Actually I think I need 2 at night, so I will take 2 tonight. I am trying tom get the dosage right. I need a strong anti-anxiety effect, but not one so strong that I can't stay awake.
Yesterday I was able to get alot of dishes handwashed and pre-washed for the dishwasher. I washed out the crockpot to be able to cook the boneless pork ribs for dinner. I then took a break because the dish strainer was full of clean dishes and I had no room for more clean dishes. So I worked on my homework for a little while. I got myself confused on what I was being asked to do. I thought I understood the instructions, but when I went back to the instructions, I got confused more than ever! I had to reteach myself what behavior analytic research article looks like so I can identify them in my assignment. I felt like I didn't make progress overall because I began to question my first article that I was working on. I might have to start over today. The assignment is due tomorrow at midnight so I don't have alot of time left.
Caleb started the laundry in the dryer for me, took out the kitchen trash, unloaded the dish strainer, and unloaded the dishwasher without arguing! Now that's progress! I'm super proud of him helping me yesterday. I was trying to get as much done as I could but I needed a nap after lunch.
Yesterday I listened to one of Erica Rock's free mini class sessions at lunch. She said to rest for about 15-20 minutes afterwards. I stayed in bed for about 4 hours. I was depleted of energy. I took 2 hydroxyzine with lunch. It makes me tired.
Today I have to get my homework done so I can complete the weekly quiz. I will likely spend all day at the computer. I can still have Caleb work towards getting laundry clean.
My weight has been coming down since my period week is over as of yesterday. I weighed in at 282.1 lbs. today and I am so happy! I have to be below 275lbs. to go on a helicopter tour with Caleb. I don't have the money to spend right now, but I hope I will have it when the time is right.
I totally forgot about the tele-call with Erica Rock on Thursday! I have to listen to that recording soon too. I still have not watched the Ignite Your Light video. I am behind but hopefully I will catch up soon.
I have 2 more andara coming in the mail, and I went ahead and registered for Erica's September call. I do not feel the andara I have. It may be that's it too much to process at one time. I bought one that Caleb picked out. It was a Seafoam Elder Heart of the Dove. I gave it to him and told him to spend some time holding it in his hand.
I want to attune Caleb to level 1 Reiki at some point soon. I think it's important in his ability to regulate his emotions, ground, and center.
I finished reading my very first book in a very long time yesterday! It was the book about habits. I will bring it out later some time and write about my experience with it. In short, I highly recommend it! The book was a great read. I liked all the references to not only Biblical people, but non-Biblical people too. I felt motivated throughout the text to do what the author had to say. I hope that once I get to the root of my anxiety I can quit vaping. I want to read the book again in the future. It was my toilet reading book! I tried to read a chapter a day. LOL I did not always succeed, but I finally read the whole book! I am super happy about that. I have so many new books that I want to read in my room and in my work space.
I have completed the level 2 andara attunement. I am now listening to the August tele-call by Erica Rock.
I feel better after the attunements. I wish I could feel this fresh everyday. I do not know if part of it is because I have taken the anxiety medication prior.
I am undergoing another house blessing right now. I am so glad for this. I need it badly. The dogs constantly bark at the "nothing" in the house. I know there are things here that I do not want here. Now they are gone forever.
One of my goals is to become an Ascended Master of Healing and Light. I think I have found my tribe.
I woke up tired and feeling pain. I feel so much better right now. I love hearing this call. It is not disappointing.
I am supposed to be sitting still and receiving, but I find it hard to be still. Caleb just woke up. It is now 0559. Once I have completed this call, I will likely start on my homework. I know it is going to take alot of time to get it done, so I have to start as soon as I can. It takes me longer than others to process information because of my Autism. I was talking to my dad about how it is a miracle that I have made it this far in my education without any assistance. I truly thought that other people struggled with information processing as much as I do, but that is not the truth. Other people do not struggle with processing information the way that I do at all.
I was talking to my dad about my homework and I felt like that the instructions changed because I clearly understood the instructions the day before yesterday, but yesterday I did not understand what I was reading. The instructions did not change though. I changed. My understanding changed. I was so confused by what I was reading that I had to relearn what I had already learned, but apparently have already forgotten. This is not different from how I went through school in my early years. I spent alot of time studying because I would forget what I was doing as I was doing it.
Math classes and science classes were particularly hard for me. I took alot of math and science classes in high school in preparation for college. I remember taking physics and not understanding what I was reading from the textbook. I remember taking pre-calculus and missing a day due to being sick, and not being able to catch up to the class because I did not understand what I missed. I did not understand the material, and had not learned how to teach myself from the textbook yet.
I am going through transmission number 2 with Erica right now. The whole call is one hour long. I am really enjoying everything that is happening. Everything she is saying is directly benefitting not only me, but my household, and my home. I feel what she is saying as she says it.
The dogs are awake and out now.
This is so healing. I just had my pineal gland activated. I am going to download this call and keep it for future use. I think it is a great thing to do every so often. I don't need to repeat it, but I feel like I want to.
I am so stuck on cleaning this house, and I am not making progress as planned. Everyday I say the same things, and things get in the way. I am so frustrated by not being able to complete the tasks on my list of things to do. I need to be walking in the mornings. It will help me lose weight faster. I know I will feel better if I give at least 30 minutes a day to walking before I start my day. Before I can do that, I need to declutter my living room and incline trainer. I keep running into roadblocks. I wanted to go through the things from the china cabinet so that I can get rid of the things that I no longer want or need, and store properly and neatly the things I want to keep. I am not making progress. I am stuck in a cycle of cleaning the kitchen because it often takes priority over the living room so I can cook dinners.
I don't know how to get out of this cycle. I need to stop. Breathe. Let the anxiety about it go. I need to just let the kitchen go long enough to get the living room done. Once it is done, we will only have to maintain it. It is not like the kitchen where I have to constantly keep doing things that I consider time consuming and "big" jobs. I can do this. I can do this either today or tomorrow depending on how much of my homework I get done after this call. I can do it. I know I can.
I can't believe I am currently a graduate student. I mean, I never wanted to be a graduate student until recently. Once I completed my bachelor's degreee, I was like "I'm good." I'm good to go, you know? I am going to learn to write research papers in a scholarly manner in preparation to get my doctorate degree. I do not know how I will be able to afford the next degree yet. I have not gotten that far. I have not been applying to scholarships lately. I have been busy with everything else going on. I need to apply to as many scholarships as I can until I am no longer qualified to apply. College is expensive!
I just completed Erica's call. It was totally awesome! I feel like I have the power to make it through my day as I am covered in infinite divine love and light now. What a blessing it is to be able to listen to her. I feel tea tree oil fresh, like minty around me. It has a cooling effect on my body.
I have to complete my morning routines now. It is getting light outside. It is now 0637. Then it is homework time! Be blessed my readers!
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