Thursday, August 4, 2022

New Start Day 10

    Today is Thursday and it is now 0516. I have been out of bed since 0430. I woke up once at 0200, used the bathroom and went back to sleep. I actually had a dream! I woke up to find that my CPAP had been unplugged. My back was hurting and so I got out of bed earlier than I would have liked. 
    
    Yesterday I got up early. I had a 0830 phone call appointment with Dr. Conchar, the psychologist who did my VA psych eval. I got the results of the psych eval over the phone. I did not find that they were enlightening in any kind of way. I did not learn something new about myself, but now I have new diagnoses, not including Autism. Autism was not included because according to Dr. Conchar's supervisor, Dr. Conchar lacks the competency to diagnose Autism. I find this strange because all she had to do was read the assessments I provided in my record. All the instructions and details were there. Nothing was missing. I guess they can't read? I was frustrated about that and requested the written policy that states the VA will not diagnose Autism. I also requested to be seen in the community to be diagnosed and treated. 

    Later in the morning I had an in-person appointment with a GI doctor at the VA. It was my first time meeting him. I was running late due to traffic, and speed walked from the parking lot to inside as quickly as I could. The appointment went well. He was not an asshole. The nurse was nice. I am being prescribed a new medication to help with my digestive issues.

    On the way home Caleb and I stopped at Harris Teeter. I bought a salad from the salad bar for lunch. I chose a scoop of this yummy and simple egg salad, a scoop of simple tuna salad, a scoop of artichoke salad, and a scoop of roasted red peppers, all over a bunch of spinach. It tasted delicious, and was filling! I felt so good after eating!

    Then we drove home, After getting home I went to take a nap. My brain wouldn't slow down. but at least my body got to rest. I got out of bed a few hours later. After talking to my dad, Caleb and I began cleaning up a little bit. I wanted to get some work done before making my dinner. 

    I grilled a ribeye that I got on sale for dinner. Caleb had his air fried food that he likes. We took our medications and that was our day.

    I was diagnosed with Somatic Symptom Disorder, which is a particular type of anxiety related to my health. I was also diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, which is just saying that I have trouble making and keeping relationships.  The reason I disagree with this is because Dr. Conchar listed alot of types of anxiety, and I believe I have more than just one type. I know I have trouble with relationships, but that is not a personality disorder, it's Autism. So, we shall see what Moving Ahead Counselling psych eval says about me soon. 

    Tuesday I brought Bubba to the vet to be weighed in for his flea/tick and heart worm medication refills. After that we went and put gas in the Mazda, and went to Walmart. I bought more than I should have. I went overboard on buying Caleb frozen foods I thought he would like, but there was not enough space in the freezer for all that food. 

    Anyway, after Walmart we went to CVS to pick up Caleb's meds, and then went home. I was tired after all of that so I went to take a nap. I don't remember what happened when I got up. I think I just got ready to make dinner. I had a ribeye on the grill. 

    Monday I had my therapy appointment by video call in the morning. I got offended when my therapist told me not to take calls during therapy session in the future, after I had to take a call from the Wilmington VA. I ended up writing a secure message about it to her later. 

    I also had a call with Disability Services at Capella on Monday. It was found that I am eligible and that I would be getting printed materials for all my courses. WIN!

    I was supposed to have a class with Coach Brandi and Coach Nick, but was having a flare up, and in a lot of pain, so I messaged Brandi letting her know that I needed to rest. I went to Amsterdam Life and bought the strongest Delta-8 vape they had so I would not have to go to the ER for my pain. I needed to be able to relax and sleep, and my buddy, Tyler, over there helped me with an Indica blend of Delta-8, Delta-9, HHC, and other Minors. It worked for me, and I was able to rest.

    Tuesday morning I got a call from my therapist about my secure message, and we talked about it. Later in the evening, I got a call from her supervisor. 

    I was super angry on Monday because I needed to take that call, which happened to be from my speech therapist who I cannot secure message and could not reach by phone. 

    Back to today though. I have to take Bubba for an appointment at the vet to have his teeth looked at because he is losing teeth. I just want to be sure he is ok and not in any pain or anything like that.

    I have no other appointments for today, thank God. I need to clean my house. That will be the focus of today's endeavors. 

    I bought a printer that I do not need, and so I scheduled for it to be picked up and returned by UPS tomorrow. Other than that, I have nothing going on tomorrow, just more house cleaning. I am running out of time before school starts. My Capella class starts on Monday, and I am not currently ready. 

    I still have to write down my lesson plan for Caleb's homeschool. I am still getting organized. I do not know how we accumulate so much trash in this house, but we do. 
    
    Bubba grew! According to his last weigh-in, he is now almost 22 lbs.! He is going to be a big boy. He and Bella play in the yard when I am outside grilling. They run and chase eachother and have a good time until they are tired. 

    I accidentally stepped in poop the other day, got it on my diabetic dress shoe, and laid down in bed. I got poop on my mattress protector  and my comforter. Caleb saw it before I did, and he took care of the whole situation so I could lay down in peace. He can be a sweetheart when he wants to be. 

    I had my photo shoot on Saturday I think. The photos came out great and I will definitely be using the same photographer, Linda Bonskowski, again. We got along, and we spent more time together than just the hour that I paid for. We went to several outdoor settings for my photos because I wanted to take photos with trees. When it got hot, we went inside to her studio and took some photos. I'm by no means a model, and could never do that for a living. I look forward to working with her again, but next time it will be for family photos with Caleb. I even had a canvas print made of my favorite photo! The photos I took are for my bio pages in the anthologies that I am writing in. 

    I think I am going to take a break from writing in anthologies. It is not easy to make a sale. I am making no money selling paperbacks. I have only sold 2 so far. One was to my Aunt Lisa and the other one was to my Granny. I've never been a good salesperson. I see my Autism in my writing too. It makes me not want to write anymore. 

    I am having trouble with the VA mental health team. My psychiatrist says she has experience with children who were Autistic and does not believe I have Autism. I think the only way to change her mind is by getting diagnosed by someone who knows Autism in adult women. I mean I do not know what else I can do. I have provided my assessments in whole for my medical record. I feel like I am dealing with severely limited people right now, and it is frustrating the Hell out of me. 

    Not only that, but I am being told that based on her opinion, I am not eligible to seek outside diagnosis or treatment through the VA. I want to hurt somebody over this! I am keeping my peace though. I know what I have to do to make this work for me. It will not be easy, and will cause me stress, anxiety, and headaches, and maybe even flare-ups... but it has to be done. I am not the only one with Autism who is a veteran. I am the only one right now who is willing to fight. 

    I haven't had a conversation with Christinia in a long time. I guess she is ok. She never did pay me the money she owed me. She still has her bed and a few other things here. I am going to have to get rid of them if she does not pick them soon. I'd hate to have to do that because I know she needs it, but I need my room back. She is no longer paying for the room, and I have stuff around the house that needs to be put in a proper space in an organized way, and I have no other spaces. So... it is what it is. I can't wait forever.

    Here are some of the photos I bought from the photo shoot. I think I look strange without my glasses on, but they were turning dark (Transitions lens) in the sunlight, so I had to take them off. 

    











Here are the selfies I took later when I cooled off at home.







    
     I love photography. I even invested in a good digital camera some years ago. I only used it at my mom's wedding. I have not used it since. I thought I would be able to take lots of photos of Caleb and Bella, but I am always so busy! I get caught up in the list of things I have to get done, stress out over it, and fail to live my life. I see that now. It's gotta stop. I am missing out on alot because of it. I wish I could afford a housekeeper to come on a regular basis, but I can't. I wish I could find a way to make money on the side as passive income, but I haven't found out what is going to work for me yet. 


    I bought some new books. I am still reading the one about changing habits one day at a time. I am going to quit vaping. I am coming up with a master plan to make sure I am successful. I have not read the one about Smart Couples Finish Rich since I printed out the worksheet that comes with it. I should probably finish that book. I started reading a new book called "Protect Your Light, " by George Lizos. I started reading that yesterday morning. I read the first 5 chapters already!

    I bought books on how to open my 12 chakras. Some books only show you 7, but actually there are more, and so I had to search to find these particular books to help me on my mission. I found a book through one of my Autism support groups for women called, UnMasking Autism," by Devon Price. I want to read that soon too. I also found "Life Coaching for Adults on the Autism Spectrum," by Jaclyn Hunt. I am dying to read it too!

    I have to watch the video from the class I missed and catch up on all the group posts from Unleash Your Life Program that I do with Coach Brandi and Coach Nick. I have to schedule to do that before Monday night when the next class is, so I am not behind and lost. 

    I have one more meeting for the Ignite Your Light program I am in, and 2 more meetings for the Reiki Master class I am taking. One of those meetings is the graduation!

    I start Capella class on August 8th, and I am working to get everything as close to perfect as I can so I don't have so much anxiety and so many worries.

    I still have morning routines to do. Be blessed my readers!

    Just putting this out there. You can make comments, or ask questions in the comments section.

    
    

No comments:

Post a Comment