It is now 0140 and I have been awake for about 20 minutes. I just placed an order on amazon for some supplement refills and a few books. Yesterday was a difficult day for me. I woke up around midnight and stayed awake until about 0630. I went back to sleep for a few hours and woke up again around 1030. I was in no shape to do what I set out to do. I had a foggy brain and felt so drained. I tried to just drink my diet Mountain Dew to wake up, but it didn't work out that way. I had to go back to bed after having something to eat. I ate another salad since I had everything ready to toss together in the fridge. So yeah. I got nothing done all day. It was dark and gray outside too. I felt the weather in my body, as I usually do. I don't function on rainy days. It's just a thing.
I got my order from Torrid yesterday, along with my meds from the VA. I bought alot of shoes in my new size, with wide width. I figured I could just put my lift and insoles in them when I want to wear nice shoes. Most of the shoes were boots. I also bought a dress that reminds me of Jack the skeleton, and a dress made to look like Sally from "The Nightmare before Christmas." I am ready to go trick-or-treating with Caleb! He wants a beret to wear with his Army themed clothes.
More from the book, "I Think I might Be Autistic: A Guide to Autism Spectrum Disorder Diagnosis and Self-Discovery for Adults."
“B1. Atypical Speech and movements”
1. “Do you repeat sounds such as animal sounds, grunts,
howls, or hums?”
Yes
2. “Do you repeat words, phrases, or longer passages of
speech that you’ve heard, such as from a movie or conversation partner? (either
immediately or a long time after hearing the original speech)
Yes
3. “Do you have a large vocabulary or a strong preference
for very exact use of words, regardless of how commonly used those words might
be?”
Yes
4. “Do you use unusually formal words or speech structure?”
Sometimes
5. “Do you have some phrases that you use frequently even
when they are not exactly appropriate?”
Probably
6. “Do you use a lot of metaphors, especially ones that you’ve
made up (that might not make sense to others)?”
Yes
7. “Are there aspects of your speech content or structure
that others find hard to understand until they get to know you?”
I’m not
sure.
8. “Do you refer to yourself by your name instead of using “I”?”
No.
9. “Do you have difficulty referring to others by name?”
No.
10. “Do you ever confuse “I” and “you” (or other
non-gendered pronouns) in speech?”
I don’t
think so.
11. “Do you sometimes feel the need to repeatedly talk about
the same subject, even when the other person has asked you to stop or is no
longer listening?”
No.
12. “Do you perform repetitive hand movements like flapping
your hands, flicking your fingers or manipulating an object with your fingers?”
Yes
13. “Do you perform repetitive whole body movements like
rocking, bouncing, walking on your toes, skipping, spinning, or swaying?”
Yes
14. “Do you repeatedly pick at your skin or scalp?”
Yes
15. “Do you like to sit, stand, or otherwise position
yourself in unusual ways, such as curling up in small spaces or lying/sitting
with certain body parts under you?”
No.
16. “Do you grind your teeth or bite your lips or cheek
excessively?”
No.
17. “Have you been told you make unusual facial expressions
(grimacing, flinching, etc.) repeatedly often without realizing it?”
NO.
18. “Do you enjoy using objects in ways other than how they
were intended? (examples: twirling a piece of string, chewing on objects,
repeatedly opening and closing things, lining up or arranging things by color
or category)”
No
“B2. Rituals and resistance to change”
1. “Do you sometimes feel the need to repeatedly ask the
same questions even after your question has been answered?”
Sometimes
2. “Do you need to say a particular thing in a certain way
at certain times or have other people always answer certain questions in
specific ways?”
No
3. “Do you have compulsive behaviors, like always toughing
the door jamb before entering a room or brushing your hair for exactly 50
strokes before getting in the shower?”
I think
so.
4. “Do you find it hard to understand certain types of
humor?”
Yes
5. “DO you have difficulties understanding nonliteral types
of speech such as irony, sarcasm, symbolism, or allusions?”
Sometimes
6. “Do you find it difficult to end one activity and begin
another?”
Sometimes
7. “Do you struggle to begin or complete self-care tasks,
even when you know that a task is essential or overdue?”
Yes
8. “Do other people tell you that you sometimes overact to
small changes in plans or your environment? (even if you don’t consider the
changes small)
Sometimes
9. “Do you have a lot of routines that you rely on to get
through the day or to navigate certain situations?’
Yes
10. “Do you get upset when someone or something disrupts one
of your routines?”
Yes
11. “Do you have routines that other people think are
unusual or that no one seems to do?”
Probably
12. “Have you been told that your thinking is “black and
white” or “all or nothing”?
Yes
13. “Do you have trouble seeing other people’s point of view
in a discussion or argument?
Most of
the times
14. “Do you find it hard to apologize or admit that you’re
wrong after you’ve taken a strong stance in a discussion?”
Sometimes
15. “Do you have a lot of rules that you like to follow?”
Yes
16. “Do you expect others to follow your rules?”
Sometimes
17. “Do other people tell you that you’re controlling or
bossy?”
Sometimes
18. “Do you get frustrated by things that aren’t clearly
defined? (for example, when someone insists on answering “well, it depends on
the situation” or when there is no clear answer to a problem
Yes
19. “Do you find open-ended questions hard to answer?”
Yes
20. “Do you have trouble changing your mind or adjusting
your plans if you’re presented with new information or a situation suddenly
changes?”
Yes
There are only a few other categories left in this chapter I think. I have not read the whole book yet so I don't know what comes next. I just wanted to share my answers to these questions because I don't communicate well. I don't talk much. It's hard to have a conversation with me. It has been this way since I was a little girl. I was silent for most of my youth. I did not speak to others unless asked a question. It wasn't easy. It wasn't because I made the choice to be silent. It was because my brain does not work like a neuro-typical person's brain works.
One day, when I am long gone, my grandchildren and great grandchildren will read the books I printed from this blog and know who I am.
Today will likely be alot like yesterday since I am staying up again. I wish I could sleep through the night and get my rest. It is already 0230. I have to get this laundry going again. I don't know what's wrong with my dryer, but it takes several cycles to dry one load of clothes. I need to get a snake to make sure the vent is clear. I'm not sticking my hand in there! There might be a living snake in there!
I did not do my Reiki practice again yesterday. I went to bed thinking I would do it when I got back up, but I felt like doo doo when I got back up. I was having trouble thinking at all. My brain was so cloudy. I hope to do it today though.
I never made it to the shower yesterday either. I did not complete my morning routines of self-care. I was in a funk.
I have to be able to get stuff done today. I have an appointment with Dr. Kent the VA pharmD, today by phone. I don't think we will change my diabetes medications yet. I need to lose more weight and I've been on a weight-loss plateau for awhile.
Our book gets released on amazon today! "Clinging to the Vine", by Sheila Farr! Look it up and buy it! I'm sure the e-book will be less than $3.00.
Yesterday was Mathew's birthday. I wonder if he did anything special.
Yesterday I got a text message from my mom. It was a counterargument to one of my previous blog entries. I don't care to be between my parents. I went through enough of that up until this point. Here is where it stops. "I am not an owl!" (Hermione, Harry Potter movie reference)
Tomorrow is Friday and I have a call with my academic coach from Capella University in the morning. Saturday I guess I have an interview about one of the books I contributed to. I don't remember anything that I wrote, so I need to get clarification on which book we will be discussing so I can read my chapter over before we go live.
Other than that, I'm just trying my best to get things in order in my house. It is always such a mess these days. As soon as I clean something up, here comes Caleb or Bubba creating more messes. Bubba finds stuff and drags it all over the floors and shreds papers and things. He is such a puppy! I can't wait to get things in order though. I need to start my yoga practice, and I need to start walking every day. I want to lose ore weight. The first thing I want to do is take Caleb on a helicopter tour. I have to weigh less than 275lbs to be able to ride. I'm so stinking close to meeting that requirement, and yet I'm stalling on my weight-loss. It is frustrating. It doesn't help that I through my metabolism out of wack by devouring a slice of Caleb's Domino's pizza the other night. I was just so hungry and I didn't want to cook anything because it was already so late. The pizza was right there and ready to eat. I ate it cold and hardly tasted it at all. I just needed something on my stomach so I could go to sleep.
I was supposed to learn a breathing technique from Brian yesterday afternoon, but he cancelled the appointment. I didn't even brush my hair yesterday, so I didn't want to meet anyway.
Bella came out here and is curled up in a ball on the fleece blanket I created when I was in Korea.
Here comes Bubba! LOL
Het got the loves!
I guess I will get to reading the chapter for my class. I have a quiz to take before Sunday so I want to make sure I've read all the material.
I think I'm going to go ahead and do my Reiki practice first. I'm going through a 21-day spiritual detox since the Reiki Master attunement. I need to keep up on my self-care. Once I get my footing back, I am going to teach Caleb how to do Reiki and attune him to Level 1 Reiki. It will help him when is feeling anything other than happy, so to regulate his emotions and get him grounded and centered in the mornings.
Be blessed my readers!
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