It is now 0539, and I have been awake for about an hour and a half. I woke up with my lower back hurting. I have "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" playing in the background. I have received my school refund, so I went ahead and paid some bills down. It wasn't as much as I was hoping for, but it will have to do for now.
Yesterday I had the psych eval appointment with Ted Jamison for the reporting of my test results. He was not able to diagnose me with Autism because the DSM-5 manual requires information about my early childhood to diagnose, and I simply don't have that information right now. I need to ask my mom. She would know, although she may be biased against me trying to determine my fate by getting diagnosed. She would have to educate herself on what I need to know. I thought about texting her yesterday, but I was too tired to have a text message conversation that might turn into a battle. I need her help, and I can't believe how hard it is for me to ask her right now. There is so much going on between us.
One thing Ted said was this, "Whether or not you have Autism, you have a huge problem with anxiety and that should be your focus: to get that under control." I was given a new diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder to add to my prior diagnoses. He suggested I get into talk therapy and try medications to minimize the effects that anxiety currently has on my life.
One of the tests was an IQ test. Even though I was clearly dealing with alot of anxiety at the time of testing, I still scored above average overall. I was disappointed, but he was telling me how awesome that was for me to accomplish when I was very clearly stressed out!
I tested higher in non-verbal skills than in verbal. I did not know how the test worked, but I could have told him I was stronger in non-verbal than verbal! I spent most of life mute! I am still learning to express myself verbally.
He said that anxiety combined with PTSD makes it harder to diagnose Autism too because the symptoms overlap. For instance, while I may think that I was mute due to Autism, it could have also been me reacting to abuse by shutting down.
I declared that I have alot of Autistic traits, regardless of formal diagnosis. I'm declaring self-diagnosis of Autism because I know myself better than someone who only was able to measure my IQ within the time allotted.
I have too many traits to not be considered Autistic.
I had to cancel Caleb's therapy appointment yesterday because I was not feeling well. I was seriously too tired to drive. My blood sugar was 86 before dinner, so I tried to quickly grill some vegetables and steak.
I had to open a new bottle of melatonin because I lost the bottle I just opened. I took it and my anxiety medication with my night time medications in the hopes that I could get a good night's sleep. I slept ok despite Bella laying too close and practically pushing me off the bed!
Caleb is walking around the yard and looking for mushrooms to take pictures of. It's not even ligth outside yet, so he has a lamp.
Caleb was energetic yesterday and driving me nuts because I was so tired. He is energetic this morning too. He woke up when I did this morning. Every few minutes it's "Mom! Mom! Mom! Look!" Oh my goodness! I can't this early in the morning! Too many words! Too much energy! And I'm trying to take care of things while I fully wake up.
I took my anxiety medication this morning too. Hopefully I will have a better day today.
I purchased the Andara Attunement courses from Erica Rock. There are three levels and I can't wait to implement them. I bought the whole package of my photo shoot from Linda. I'm glad they were still available. When I get the digital copies, I will share them here.
"Let Go or Be Dragged" was temporarily removed from amazon while the updates are being made prior to printing. I hope to have the paperbacks as soon as I can.
I looked at the assignment for week 6 to get an idea of what I will have to do this week. I have a 4-5 page paper due in week 6.
The universe blessed me yesterday with packages in the mail! I got my Sage Goddess box, my Torrid leggings, and my Maurice's jeans and tops in smaller sizes.
I can't wait to try on my flare jeans that I bought for only $19.99! I hope they fit!
I am going to be working on getting this house cleaned up today as well as working on my homework for this week. I don't have any appointments today so that is a plus. I also need to watch the video from Ignite Your Light from Tuesday night that I missed. I watched the video from Monday night with Coach Brandi and Coach Nick in Unleash Your Life yesterday morning. I wrote comments as I watched the video and posted it when I was done. That was the last Ignite Your Light meeting. One more thing I have almost completed, and once done I can move forward with other things I have going on.
I finally got my hands on Moldavite from Sage Goddess! They sell out super fast when Athena restocks. It's hard to get! I'm super happy to have it in my work space. I also got more Merlinite. I think I forgot that I already had a big Merlinite on the shelf in my room.
I bought Disney's "Fluppy Dogs" movie from 1986 on dvd. My heart is filled with joy. My mom recorded that movie for us, and I watched it thousands of times. I kept it for a long time. I don't know what happened to that VHS tape. I must have lost it or it got destroyed. It also had Disney's "Mickey's A Christmas Carol" and "My Pet Monster" on it. It won't be the same thing watching the movie without the 1986 commercials, but it's better than not having it all. I already have "Mickey's A Christmas Carol" on dvd so I can relive the good parts of my youth.
I wish I could remember more of the good times, to balance out the traumas. I need help remembering. I wish my mom would tell me the good stories of me and Mathew.
Caleb wants to go down the road to look for mushrooms, but it's too early for him to be walking around alone. It's still dark outside! It's only 0637!
I feel the anxiety medication kicking in. I took the maximum dose this morning because I wanted to be able to feel it working. I want to not have anxiety today. It's like I can't calm down otherwise! My body tenses up. I finally got my blood pressure down, but that's because I lost 40lbs. and take blood pressure medication. Once I get a handle on my anxiety, I might be able to quit vaping for good. It's a coping mechanism currently.
I haven't completed my morning routines yet. I should get going on them since it is getting light outside. Be blessed my readers!
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