5 Year Journal Day 21

     Today's prompt is "What are you looking forward to?" I am looking forward to paying off my debts, and therefore having more disposable income. I look forward to raising my credit score and being able to make repairs to my house. I look forward to being able to shop at Walmart without wearing a facial mask. I look forward to my dear friend, Rachel, coming to visit me at my home. I look forward to having a clean house, and only having to do minimal amounts of tidying up regularly. I look forward to catching up on my classes and the books I want to read. I look forward to the day I no longer weigh in the 300's. I look forward to cooler weather. I look forward to my beach photo shoot. I have hopes that I can go to my Aunt Lisa's family Thanksgiving dinner this year. I look forward to Mathew coming home from deployment. I look forward to visiting Mathew's family.

      Today was a productive, and not a stressful day. I was able to catch up on the mountain of laundry that needed washing, drying, folding, and putting away. I was able to get some dishes washed. I was able to take my time,  and not rush or stress about how fast I was or was not able to do these things. I was able to pick up trash. I was able to unclog the bathtub drain. I was able to start on unclogging the bathroom sink drain. I was able to store away gallons of water for hurricane season. I was able to start trying to download photos from my phone. Apparently I have over 11 Gigabytes of photos/home movies stored on my phone. It was a good day.

     Yesterday I started reading a third book, "The Christian Parenting Handbook", by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller. This book is helping to see that connection is more important than a lot of other things. I have a tendency to not be able to connect to Caleb. This is because I have my own issues, but also because he has his. Quite often when I try to connect on a meaningful level, I do not reach him. Yesterday, I feel that I did reach him... his heart. I hope to be able to reinforce these type of occurrences so that they happen more frequently and with less resistance in the future.

     My doctor says I try too hard. What does that even mean? Why wouldn't I try "too hard" to be healthy? Who WANTS to be in my position? Diabetic? With fibromyalgia? Morbidly obese? High blood pressure? Seizure history? Plantar fasciitis? Chronic inflammation? Chronic pains? Fatigue? Depression? PTSD? Allergies? Unable to walk without pain? Unable to stand without pain? These are just some of the problems I face on a daily basis. Who WANTS to live like that? I don't! I want to reduce as many of these diagnoses as possible. I want to not NEED medications.

     Here are more of the photos I pulled from my collection.

     Caleb and Smokey the Bear.

     Caleb at a South Carolina Zoo.

     Caleb getting ready to go Trick or Treating.

     Caleb at Independence Mall, Wilmington, NC. 

     Caleb and me during visiting time. At the Wilmington Department of Social Services, while he was in foster care.

     Caleb in the bouncy house. Wilmington, NC.

     Caleb as a soldier for Halloween. Wilmington, NC.

     Caleb at Independence Mall. Wilmington, NC.

     Caleb at Independence Mall. Wilmington, NC.

     Caleb with a Minion! At Moe's. Wilmington, NC.

     Caleb and me at the end of school gathering. Wilmington, NC.

     Caleb and me at Washington, DC.

     Caleb at the beach. Oak Island, NC. 

     Caleb at Fall Festival at his Daycare. Wilmington, NC.

     Caleb at Hughe McRae Park. Wilmington, NC.

     Caleb at nap time. Wilmington, NC.

     Caleb being silly. Wilmington, NC.

     Caleb at Hughe McRae Park. Wilmington, NC.

     Caleb at Japanese Steak House... first time? Wilmington, NC.

     Caleb and me at the beach. Oak Island, NC.

     Caleb and me getting ready to be in the parade with Warrior Ride. Southport, NC.

     Caleb at the beach. Oak Island, NC.

     Caleb in a tree. Oak Island, NC.

     Caleb on the trampoline, about to jump to the pool. At Donna's house. Oak Island, NC.

     Caleb on the trampoline, about to jump in the pool. At Donna's house. Oak Island, NC.

     Caleb roller skating at Jelly Beans skating rink. Wilmington, NC. 

     Caleb and Bella. Bella's first time at the beach. Oak Island, NC.

     Caleb and me at Thalian Hall for Pink Floyd Laser Show. Caleb's first concert. Wilmington, NC.

     Caleb at Ripley's Aquarium in Myrtle Beach, SC. 

     Caleb and me at Ripley's Aquarium, Myrtle Beach, SC.

     Caleb at the County Fair. First time on a Ferris Wheel. (Travis' County; Whiteville)

     Caleb in my old ACU rain jacket.

     Caleb hugging the big tree at the park on Oak Island.