New Start Day 60

     It is now 0356 and I have already taken my medications and supplements due to the pain I am feeling. It never surprises me that when there is rain, there is pain. I felt ok for most of the day yesterday. I stayed up from when I got up around 0300 or so yesterday morning until after lunch. I washed a few loads of laundry and washed some dishes. I started the dishwasher. I throw away more bad food in the fridge. Caleb took the trash out. He brought the trash and recycling bins close to the house so they would be less likely to blow over. I asked him to bring the lawn mower onto the porch and make sure the batteries were not in the lawn mower or the weed eater. We ran out to food Lion in the morning. They was so little traffic around. I had to get food to make in the crockpot. I really wanted that chuck roast meal I mentioned yesterday morning. That's what I bought and cooked. I bought two small chuck roasts and cooked them with:

2 yellow squash

2 zucchini

1 sweet onion

1 eggplant

5 portabella mushrooms

1 can of diced fire roasted tomatoes

1 jar of tomato basil garlic spaghetti sauce

a few teaspoons of minced garlic

garlic powder

garlic salt

onion powder

basil

oregano.

    I made enough to last through the hurricane without having to cook just in case we lose electricity. Caleb made biscuits that we shared. We also shared coconut dream cookies. 

    I was on a mission to get as much accomplished as I could yesterday so the work around the house wouldn't keep piling up. I was happy to be able to get work done after a week or more of feeling like shit and not being able to do anything. I think I got most of the laundry cleaned and put away. I have to check Caleb's room to be sure he put his clothes away properly.

    I hear the wind picking up outside. It is already loud to me.

    I got my daily quiz done and my weekly quiz done. It's time for me to start on my paper today. I canceled Bella and Bubba's nail trimming appointments yesterday because I did not want to drive. I ended up driving to Food Lion for groceries anyway. 

    I'm taking a couple new supplements which seem to be helping my pain subside. One is Swanson's CBD + Stress Relief supplement, and the other is the Calm Concentration supplement by Swanson. Caleb ended up putting a Fibro-cream on my back last night. I pushed myself too hard yesterday and my back was hurting. He also used a pain relief roll-on for my back. 

    I ordered more of this particular CBD from Swanson yesterday so I don't run out. 

    I got paid yesterday so I spent a couple of hours paying the bills. I just ordered laundry hampers from amazon since I didn't want to go to Wal-mart. I also bought replacement filters to make my own alkaline water again. I gotta wash the tank out.

    I am feeling better now than when I woke up. My shoulders hurt a lot. I bought fresh ingredients to make myself salads yesterday. Just in case the vegetables in the fridge went bad. I was surprised there was still Spring water on the shelf at Food Lion, but oh so happy about it! I bought the kind of Tide we use on sale for $5.00 off each. Oh yeah! We are going through a lot of laundry detergent trying to wash all this laundry.

    I'm going to try to get a shower this morning so I am cleaned up before we lose electricity.The Generark generator charged up just fine, but the Judy generator did not. I think it might have gotten overheated in the shed over the Summer.

    I am taking a rest day from meditation today. I am typing in silence besides the fan in the background. 

    We have no appointments for today. We will be staying at home until it is safe to drive again. I feel calmer since I know I have already cooked food I can eat and stay on my diet. I have not been on my diet for the last week or so, and I need to get back on it. I don;t want to gain weight again. 

    It's amazing how much I can do when I am not in so much pain. Truly amazing. I'm a different person when I am not in so much pain. Completely different person. 

    Monday starts week 9 of my class. It is only 10 weeks long. I have to get working on this paper so I can break the wall that stops me from getting started. Getting started is the hardest part for me. Once I get started, it seems so much easier for me to move on to the next steps.

    I am trying to connect with people online because I feel so disconnected. I messaged Rachela and Christinia yesterday. I also commented on Linda's and Sheila's posts. I text my mom, Dona Sharon, Donna, and Brenda. I have a hard time asking for help when I need it the most. I was reaching out because I was in panic mode for most of the day. I was just working myself to the bone to get things done quickly. Working helped me ease the stress I was feeling but I really just wanted to relax and calm down. I am not always able to ground myself. Because of my past trauma and current chronic pain, I tend to dissociate from my body. I am trying to change that, but it is a process. I was trying to focus on what was important to me yesterday. For example, it was important to me to make that meal in the crockpot. It took a lot of steps to get it done, but I am grateful for that because my mind was on that instead of the hurricane. 

    I was washing, drying, and folding clothes all morning. That took my mind off the hurricane and placed it on something that does not cause me anxiety. I decided to take 3 Hydroxyzine this morning to get me through. 

    I went grocery shopping at Food Lion which helped ease my worry. Now I know we have enough water for us plus the dogs. 

    I think I want to spend today focusing on my paper that is due next week. I still have one response left to post. I better do that before we lose power or WiFi. 

    I'm going to get check the dryer. BRB

    Caleb's room is still a mess, so I guess he will be working on that today. The laundry in the dryer was not fully dry, but at least it is on now. I am wrapped up in an oversized sweater and it's so comfy. 

    I feel like listening to Erica Rock's music tracks, I'm going to listen to "Love." I listened to "physical Healing" and am now listening to "Abundance and Prosperity" for the second time.

    I don't really feel like working yet. My body is feeling better, less pain. I am only on my second Diet Mountain Dew. Bella woke up to the music and came out here to be with me. She is laying down on the floor near me. I love her so much!

    I hear Bubba moving around in his crate. He must be up too. It is now 0506. I wonder if my dad is awake. I wonder if my mom is awake. Pretty sure my mom is awake, drinking coffee. 

    I think I will feel better if I take a hot shower, but am feeling sleepy again. I am relaxed and could use a nap. I will go to lay down after this song. 

    Be safe and have a blessed day my readers!

New Start Day 59

     It is now 0345 and I have already taken my medications. Yesterday was a productive day. I was not in a lot of pain. I was finally able to clean up the kitchen and get my laundry in the washing machine. I had Caleb sweep the kitchen floor for me and take out the kitchen trash. I had to throw away a lot of food that I didn't get to cook in time, but I still had food to cook for dinner. I cooked zucchini and yellow squash in the frying pan, and a pot of noodles. The noodles were for Caleb. I did my daily quiz yesterday, and I also completed my weekly quiz. 

    I did not listen to any meditations all day long. 

    I tried using a CBD + Stress support supplement I bought from Swanson Vitamins. It seems to be helping me a lot. I am also taking the Calm Concentration supplement from them.

    I added the list of fibromyalgia interventions to my notebook for future use when I can't think myself out of a hat. That's what happens when I have a fibromyalgia flare up. Everything hurts so bad that I can't think about anything but trying to get relief.  

    I posted in Autism Women's Facebook group I belong to. I am not the only one there with both Autism and fibromyalgia. It would be interesting to study the correlation between the two in women. 

    Today I have already started the laundry up again. I want to get as much laundry done as I can before the hurricane hits and we might lose electricity. I want to get the dishwasher running too so we have all of dishes cleaned before then. Hurricane Ian hit Florida last night. I only have a few days before it expected to hit us. 

    My dad had a rough night of sweating, dizziness, and not feeling well the night before last. He slept for the day yesterday as recovery. 

    Caleb received his replacement laptop screen yesterday and installed it right away. 

    We have been listening to the Addams Family DVDs since they arrived. I love Morticia and Gomez Addams in those movies.

    I think I will have to purchase the Harry Potter DVDs for the upteenth time. Caleb cant take care of them. They are like sacred to me and he does not even know where they are right now. 

    I hope to work on the hallway today and get more laundry done. I still have to clean off the stovetop and kitchen island, along with the microwave, air fryer, and crockpot. I was thinking of getting a chuck roast to cook, even though they are not on sale. I am craving a Goulash type roast with zucchini, yellow squash, maybe eggplant, onions, garlic, a tiny bit of tomato paste, and meat. 

    The dryer is almost done! What a relief! It has a lot of my far-infrared tank tops in there. I need them before I go to take a shower. I also have a lot of my underwear in there. 

    Mom text me this morning that Granny and Pepere are in Michigan until Saturday unless the airport is still closed.

    My shoulders hurt. I don't know why. I think I carry my stress in my shoulders. I need to find that massager that Christinia bought me. I need to get the aches to go away. 

    I need to work on my paper that is due next week. I just want to try to catch up on this housework first. I hate feeling so overwhelmed and behind in my housework.

    Things are a lot easier for me when I am not having a flare up. I'm trying to make the most of my time while I can before I get put on bed rest again. 

    I think I am able to listen to something today, but I don't know what to choose. Maybe the Quan Yin meditation, now that Caleb is still sleeping. I will be able to concentrate better than when I listened to it last time when he was awake.  

     Ok so I just checked my refund from Zulily. It was not for the amount that was in the email from the support team. I am kind of disappointed. I hope it gets fixed. 

    I am just listening to the opening of the Jana Carrey Quan Yin guided meditation now. 

    Had to go change the laundry. The dryer was finished. I had to go into Caleb's room and pick up dirty laundry because he is asleep. I found some of my jewelry in his room. I am not happy about it. He will be cleaning his room today. My back hurts now. I just want to get the laundry clean and I have to encounter this bullshit. He had a laundry basket in his room, but the dirty laundry wasn't in it. It was all over the floor! Like WTF Caleb?! I almost feel like waking him up. It is currently 0507. I got enough laundry to wash several loads, but there is still more in his room. Like he hoards his dirty laundry even though I ask him on a regular basis to give me his dirty clothes to wash. 

    I should be getting the deposit of my Schwab account today or tomorrow. Hopefully it is today so I can pay down my credit cards that I use to buy groceries and gas. I don't know if I get paid my normal direct deposit today or tomorrow either. Either way, everything goes to pay the bills! I need to have someone fix the hallway toilet because it runs and we have to keep the lid off of the tank to make sure it stops. It's costing me a fortune because my water bill is now high. 

    I am so upset about finding my jewelry in Caleb's room. It wasn't even cared for. I don't know what he was doing with my jewelry. It's not right. I feel violated. I found the chain that my grandpa gave me and my mom's old wedding ring from when she married my dad. He has no idea what he has done.

    He just woke up. I did not lose my shit. I communicated effectively without yelling. I'm proud of myself. Parenting is hard.

    I am still listening to the guided meditation. I got the laundry going. I found the towels I was looking for. I have a basket of clean laundry to fold and I am happy about that. 

    I wonder if my dad is awake. It is 0523, probably isn't. 

    I feel like I need this meditation time today.

    I just got my deposits. Gotta go pay the bills. I'm listening to the meditation in the background. So much for that!

    Hope you have a blessed day my readers!

    

New Start Day 58

     It is now 0330 and I have already taken most of my medications. I took all except the Victoza shot. I am feeling ok right now. My pain is at a manageable level. I can work through this level of pain and get things done as long as it does not get worse. Yesterday was a bad pain day. I ended up in bed for the afternoon and went to bed early after dinner. I was able to update one of my bill spreadsheets yesterday morning. That takes a long time to update because I have so many accounts to get information on. I am happy I was able to get that updated though. I was able to do the daily quiz and I was able to respond to the two students who responded to my discussion post. I only need one more post response for the week. The only other thing I have to turn in this week is the quiz. I wanted to get started on the paper that is due next week. I got overwhelmed by the instructions again. It's a lot of text.   

    I ordered a new type of CBD capsule product from a Facebook friend yesterday. I am going to try it for 30 days and see if it helps my pain levels. I wanted to put a list together of the interventions I am using to manage my pain. Here it is:

Bed rest

Drink more water than usual

Drink less Diet Mountain Dew than usual

Swanson Calm Concentration supplement

Swanson CBD + Stress Support supplement

Acetaminophen 1000mg every 6 hours (2 pills)

Hydroxyzine (2 pills in the morning, 2 pills in the afternoon, and 2 pills at night)

Alpha-Stim

Apollo Neuro wristband

Curable app meditation

Morning guided meditations/energy transmissions

Healing Music/energy transmissions

Self-created thought loops (meditation) to ground and connect to the Source of all creation

Trazadone 100mg to help sleep

Too many supplements from Swanson Vitamins to list

Far-Infrared tank top under clothing

hot showers

stretching

blogging and expressing myself through posts

giving my dogs body rubs and loving on them

sleeping and cuddling with my dogs

Delta-8 e-cigarette ( only used when I can't take the pain anymore to avoid going to the ER)

Stress Relief aromatherapy products from Bath & Body Works

Essential oils and diffuser

Incense

Candles

Crystals

Andara

Checking my blood glucose

vaping my e-cigarette

self-Reiki

Reiki from others

Prayers

Virta diet

non-Virta diet (I've tried both)

I've tried Naproxen, Aspirin, and Ibuprofen

I've had Tramadol 

I've used Lidocaine back patches

I've used IcyHot balm

apothecary-made herbal tincture

    The things I am considering for the future are:

Massage chair

Massage therapy session

Far Infrared heated blanket use (I have one, but am not currently using it)

Grounding Mat (I have one, but am not currently using it)

Vagal Toning Program (I started, but did not finish)

Walking on my incline trainer

Checking my blood pressure

Using a pain relief lotion or balm

reading my books about chronic pain

education through the Curable app on chronic pain 

this new product called something like VitalSense cell or something like that

Talk therapy

taking longer breaks (currently not taking breaks) between meditations/energy transmissions

tapping

breath work

    That's a long list! 

    In other news, I was having trouble reaching my dad for motivation yesterday. I needed a pep-talk from him, but his phone was not ringing when I called it. I don't know what the problem was. I thought it was because his phone needed charging, but then he called me back once, and I couldn't hear him properly. The connection was bad. I tried calling Dona Sharon's phone but no one answered the phone. I tried to call the room, but the phone was off the hook. Ugh! I felt so stuck in my own pain and all I wanted to do was get out of it and move on. I had so much work to be done, and I got none of it done. I could hardly even manage and supervise Caleb. 

    We are still working on the mountain of laundry that Caleb has created by never turning in his dirty clothes to be washed. I still have my laundry to be washed. I still have so many chores to do and so does Caleb. I feel like I'm not getting anywhere, and it sucks! I'm a high achiever and I can't deal with being anything less. I am feeling better now, and I hope it keeps up through the rest of the day. I am taking a break from listening to the meditations I like to listen to in the mornings. I feel like I might have rushed into some things that because I am not fully aware of what I am doing in advance, can't plan on how it will affect me. Now I know better. I need time between each meditation that I want to do, especially since they are all dealing with energy transmission, clearing, and healing. They are not just strolls on the beaches. 

    So, this morning I am sitting in silence with the fan in the background. I am cooling off as I get too warm with Bella sleeping right next to me. She was sleeping with her head on me for awhile. It was nice to be so loved by a sweet animal. 

    I ordered Jersey Mike's delivery for dinner last night. I had no ability to go to the grocery store to shop for food for dinner yesterday. I wanted to in order to save money, but my body was in too much pain. I did not want to order pizza again, and I love Jersey Mike's Italian sub, so... Once again, I know it is not part of my Virta diet, but I had to eat something. 

    I think the rain from Hurricane Ian began to hit Florida yesterday. It was a category 3 hurricane the last time I checked yesterday. I am glad my grandparents are not there.

    I am feeling well enough to take a shower, so I might have to take advantage of feeling good enough to do it. I do not know what today brings. Hopefully I can recover from all the meditations I have put myself through in the desire to be free from pain. I was shooting myself in the foot. I have to slow down. I don't need to rush the process. I am making good progress, but I need to learn to rest.

    I got in touch with my Aunt Lisa yesterday. She is such a light in my life. I was happy to hear from her as it has been so long. Maybe today I can go mail out the books to my Aunt Lisa and my grandparents. We shall see.

    I got a text message from my mom. I like to have communication with her. 

    I had to liquidate my Schwab account to pay bills. I waited as long as I could before selling what I had. Things cost so much right now, and my bills are only getting higher. If I don't find a way to make money soon, I'm not going to be in a good place financially. I'm already in a bad place. I can't work fast enough. Fibromyalgia knocks me down for days now, and I can't get anything done that I need to get done.

    Clothes are expensive. Caleb is growing and I am shrinking. Food is expensive even though I do most of my shopping at Walmart, only buying groceries on sale from other stores. I know I am not the only one suffering, but I tend to feel like it. 

    I am wondering if I could apply for grants to market and advertise my business.

    I am thinking I need to take a longer break from school than just one quarter. I am overwhelmed by the amount of work I need to do right now. I just want to get it done and finished. At the same time, I am trying to teach Caleb how to take care of himself and his belongings. That means I have to let him do the work that he created. I can't just go in and fix everything like I want. Parenting is hard! I want him to learn to be responsible so this is what I have to do. He needs to learn to clean up after himself, so I have to wait and let him learn. I need patience. I need to rest. It's not my job to clean after him anymore. He is 13 years old and more than capable of cleaning up after himself. I can do this. He can do this. We can do this. It's going to be ok. I just have to stick with it until he learns. Ugh!

    I am still feeling ok, but I kinda want to go cuddle with Bella for awhile. It's still dark outside. It's only 0451 right now. 

    Sending love and light to you all!

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New Start Day 57

     It is now 0021 and Caleb and I have been awake since 2300. I ordered us both Domino's pizza because we were both hungry. I know I am wrong for eating my favorite pizza and dessert from Domino's AGAIN, but honestly, I did not know what I could do with what we have on hand. I am so tired of ham and cheese. I had the chicken soup for dinner. I woke up because Caleb was still awake and moving around, Bubba was walking on me and not settled down, and I was too warm and my legs felt hot. 

    I am listening to Jana Carrey's "Journey to the Golden Quan Yin Temple." Caleb is hyped up because he had the chocolate volcano cake for dessert. I'm sure my sugar skyrocketed after eating that too. Bubba is now resting in his crate. Caleb is playing on his computer. I just got off the phone with my dad.

    I had an experience on Instagram last night. A man claimed to be an American Airlines pilot. I caught on when he began asking me if I needed money. Uh, who doesn't need money these days? He offered to do my paperwork to get $50k free. Hmmm... yeah. Uh and no. I said "I can't afford a loan," and he responded, "It's not a loan." He then continued to ask me for the front and back of my ID, my social security number, and phone number. That's when I blocked him and went on with my resting. 

    I did not make it to last night's Unleash Your Life zoom call. I was too tired after having another fibromyalgia day. I just wanted to rest. I did not even brush my hair Again. Ugh! I'm over the fibromyalgia flare-ups! 

    I received 10 of the Let Go or Be Dragged paperbacks yesterday. I can now begin distributing them! 

    I also received Willow, Addams Family, and The Addams Family Values DVDs from amazon. 

    I got in contact with my mom in search of my Granny and Pepere. I called my Granny and Pepere to make sure they were planning for hurricane Ian's arrival. They did not answer my call, so I text messaged my mom. She told me they are in Michigan right now, so they are safe. I asked her if she was prepping, and let her know that we are prepping. Caleb retrieved the generators from the shed and we are charging them now. 

    Caleb just exploded a glow stick. It's all over his shirt and on Bella too. So now Bella needs a shower.

    Caleb is way too hyper. Ugh. This kid never rests.

    These meditations are so calming and relaxing for all of us. Caleb has begun to quiet down. It is 0201 now. There are about 20 minutes left of this guided meditation. 

    I am ready to go to bed. I think Caleb is getting closer to being able to lay down in bed too. I'm happy, without pain right now. Just a little fog-brained as I am getting sleepy. 

    Later today I will have to work on my paper. I am not looking forward to it. I have such a resistance to sitting here and trying to understand the instructions. Once I get started, I seem to be ok. Getting started is the hardest part for me. I am a natural writer. Sometimes it can be hard to stay on task and only write what is asked of me. I get distracted because I am use to typing what's on my mind without limits. The instructions add requirements and limits to stay within. It makes writing that much harder for me. I find that fitting my writing into other people's requirements and limits is very difficult. I have to sit with it for awhile and really think about what I am writing. I have to be concise. I have to follow the rules. It's not easy, even if it is not a technical paper. The paper I will be writing is about my career plans and progression. It will be including things like goals and milestones. I will go into details about a variety of other things regarding my future career plans and studies including certification and licensure plans. I will be going over things I learned in the course I am currently taking. This paper is very demanding. It has to be between 7-9 pages, not including the title page or reference page. I am getting a headstart on it because I now know without a doubt that I need more time than the average student to get the same work done. I need to give myself as much time as I can to get this paper done to standard. I want to earn an A. I am fully capable of writing to the standard, but I need more time. That's why I requested an accommodation from disability services due to my suspected learning disabilities and Autism. I know I have a language comprehension barrier even though English is my first language. It's part of my Autism traits. It takes me longer to understand what someone is saying and what that person means given the context of what that person said. Sometimes I don't even bother with trying to understand, but in class I have to understand the instructions and details of the assignment if I want to get a good grade. 

    The meditation track has finished and now I am going to bed. I might write more later. I was really trying to focus during this meditation as it was the first time I listened to it. 

    It's now 0452 and I just got up again. It's nice and quiet now that everybody is asleep, dogs included. I was craving more of my pizza and my chocolate dessert. I think I will listen to "Lightbody Activation" as I was supposed to listen to it for a minimum of 30 days.

    I just took my pill medications. I still have to take my shot. Man that's a lot of pills to take!

    I'm on my last gallon of tea. I will have to go to Walmart to get more. I never went to buy laundry baskets so I can do that too. 

    I'm so tired all of a sudden. I'm so full of tea after taking my medications and supplements. 

    I am feeling better now that the medications and supplements have settled more. I am still tired. I thought I was going to be able to pay attention to my blog, but it's looking like I need to go back to bed while I can. 

    Erica Rock's "Lightbody Activation" has just completed. I took my shot. I'm going to wait a few more minutes and then go back to bed. I think it's because I ate food and my belly is full of food, tea, medications, and supplements. I almost always get tired after eating. Eating calms my nervous system down and allows me to rest more easily. I learned that through the Curable app for chronic pain, and by paying more attention to my symptoms. I'm going to fight this fibromyalgia and all the trauma stored in my body. You can bet on that. I will get my life back. It's just a matter of time. For now, it's time for me to rest and enjoy the peacefulness of the house. 

    Have a blessed day my readers! 

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New Start Day 56

     It is now 0222 and I have only been awake for a few minutes. I am listening to Jana Carrey's "Journey to the Avalon Priestess Temple." It is just an amazing guided meditation. I am going to get my medications ready to take while I am listening to the beginning. I took my medications while Jana was doing introduction instructions. 

    Yesterday was a Fibromyalgia day and I personally got nothing done. I led Caleb to do things in between naps though. That was all I could do. 

    I called my dad twice, but he did not answer his phone. Perhaps that was for the better. I needed a break from his constant questioning and joking about my mom. I think he thinks that if he uses a joke that it doesn't hurt anyone, but it does hurt me. 

    I was very tired yesterday and sore all over. My muscles ached all over my body. I bought Acetaminophen because I have tried Aspirin, Ibuprofen, and Naproxen, and found that it helps me the most. I just felt the call and need to spend the day in bed. I thought if I took a nap I might be able to get up and work, but I couldn't. 

    I am learning to not feel guilty when I can't work. It's a tough process. I have always been made to feel like I am only worth what I can produce. 

    I came up with a new meditation loop for myself last night. 

"I am connected to the Source of creation of all of things.

I am rooted in the Earth."

I repeated this in my head for a long time last night. It just felt right. It just came to me. Simple and effective to reconnect the way I wanted to. 

    Today I would like to do what I couldn't do yesterday, but we will see. Caleb was in charge of washing laundry yesterday. He also swept the kitchen floor and picked up dirty clothes from the floor in the bathroom. 

    So I have been waiting on my UPS package from Zulily. Apparently it is lost. I am getting a refund, which might be for the best because I need the money right now more than I need more books. 

    I ate Caleb's kettle-cooked jalapeno chips yesterday. He also gave me Bugles to eat. I have not had chips in more than 5 months. I really enjoyed them, but I also could not stop eating them. I am highly addicted to foods that are not allowed on my diet. I am making an effort to get back on track. I really want to see a big weight loss happen and to be able to get fit again and stay fit. It took away my physical pain to eat. My body wrongly believes I am in danger, and when I eat it believes I must be safe. That is the breakdown of my anxiety problems and trauma-fear-based physical pain from my Fibromyalgia. 

    I am so grateful for my dogs. They both love me so much. Bubba loves to give me kisses and get rubs. Bella loves to sleep with me and get rubs. They are both so sweet. I am so happy to have Bella and Bubba. They are great therapy dogs even though they are not trained to be. I say that because they can take my mind off the heaviness I feel in my body just by being themselves. 

    Part of the healing in this meditation is around healing abuse. Time is also spent on the inner child. 

    I feel better. My medications are beginning to work. My pain is less. The meditation has started and I am able to relax envisioning the journey. 

    I could not sleep anymore because my CPAP was acting up and making noise through the leak in the mask. I was also too warm and sweating. I needed a drink too. 

    There is a tropical storm expected to hit Florida on Thursday morning, likely as a hurricane. 

    I forgot to let my Virta team know that I am now only taking 1,000mg of Metformin as of my Thursday appointment with Dr. Kent, pharmD at the VA, so I let them know last night. 

    I start Week 8 today of my Capella class. Only 2 weeks left after this week! I can't wait to embrace my break from my school and transition to Caleb's schoolwork. I feel like teaching and training him is my way of creating a better future for us all. I know I am only one person, and he is only one person, but the ripple effect could be gigantic. I look forward to giving Caleb my full attention.

    Jana Carrey says "Honor your own innocence," and that we as empaths are not here to be doormats to people who are abusive and mistreating us. She talks about having boundaries. "We say 'Namaste' and walk away."

    It is now 0413 and I am still listening to the meditation by Jana Carrey. It lasts a little longer than 2 hours I think. I think I will need a nap after this. I have to recharge and get some sleep. 

    Caleb wakes up with a lot of energy, and I want to be able to keep up with him today and work alongside him if I can. I hope I can. We can get much more done as a team than individually. There is so much work to be done. I'm ready to have it completed. I just want to finish out these last weeks of class and be able to focus on what I'm required to do. I want to get a high grade in this class. I want to understand what is being taught and leave the class more knowledgeable and ready for the next class in the sequence.

    I'm off to bed! Have a blessed day my readers!

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New Start Day 55

    It is now 0520 and I have taken my medications already. I am listening to Erica Rock's September tele-call again. Yesterday ended up being a much better day for me. I was able to take a shower, although I was slow to get moving in the morning. Everything was still sore. Everything is still sore now. I took 800mg of Ibuprofen like I use to in the Army since that is the only thing I had around. I had to throw away the giant bottle of Acetomeniphen away because the cap would not come off! 

    

    I then took Caleb to the Civil Air Patrol open house at the local airport. He was excited to go, and really wanted to know about the uniform and boots. I was able to take a photo of Caleb in front of the search and rescue airplane. We met Rooks, the 16 year-old whose mother originally posted about the open house on the Brunswick County homeschoolers Facebook Group page. He was very professional and dressed in blues. The other cadets were wearing ABUs. I learned a lot. We are planning on attending the first meeting of October. 

    Afterwards, we went to Walmart to restock on drinks. From there, I put gas in the Mazda. On the way home, we stopped at Lowes Foods so I could replace my bell peppers that went bad, and buy Spring water that was not available at Walmart. I saw Lisa as she was walking out, and greeted her and gave her a hug.

    From there, we went home. I waited patiently for Caleb to bring in all the groceries. I called my dad to tell him everything we did. He is excited for Caleb to join CAP. He wants to send Caleb to flight school to learn how to fly a plane and a helicopter. 

    I posted this the day before yesterday: "To enlighten those who don’t understand an Autistic woman with Fibromyalgia and other health problems. This was not the worst day, but it was not a good day. I start my days by brushing my hair and treating it with moisturizer. It’s now 1832 and this is me. I’m sore and achy like I ruck marched with a full ruck. I have pain in places that I can’t even name. The pain is everywhere. It’s been this way for 2 days straight now. I’m still hoping I will have a good day tomorrow. I’m so tired and all I want to do is go to bed. Pray for me please. I need healing energy, light, and love in abundance. Thank you in advance. "

    

    I posted this yesterday: "Versus me on a good day! Fresh n clean and in my new leggings!"

        Today we are going to spend the day doing chores around the house and cleaning up. I am taking a day off from shool because I have already completed this week's assignments. I want to start on the Week 9 paper that will be due, but I can't focus with all this disaster area around me. We will be washing laundry, folding clothes and putting them away where they belong. It's important to be specific with Caleb, otherwise he will just dump the clean clothes on the floor in his room. Caleb will be helping me pick up little bits of things that Bubba has torn up. He particularly likes paper. Ugh! I love puppies but the work! I will clean the kitchen again, put together a crystal grid and create an altar space. I have been meaning to do that for a long time now. I have all these crystals waiting to be put to good use too! 

    I went ahead and bought Caleb a replacement screen for his laptop computer from amazon. I am going to replace it for him. It will cost a lot less than having someone else do the work, and there are videos on how to do it on youtube. This particular screen comes with the tools I need to do the job. I also went ahead and purchased three of my favorite movies, The Addams Family, The Addams Family Values, and Willow. They were not expensive, or I would not have bought them. We like watching the first two movies, and I remember the third movie from my childhood. Caleb has never seen Willow before, and I am looking forward to having a movie night with him to watch it. 

    Caleb got his hoodie yesterday. He was like, "It's so soft! Feel it!" Yes my son! I bought a good one for you. 

    I got my meds delivered yesterday too. A bunch of them came in one package. Awesome!

    My dad was talking about what am I going to do when Caleb starts driving and brings home a girl. He was very descriptive about the girl and Caleb in a very toxic and uninvited way. It made me uncomfortable enough to consider not calling him today. It was inappropriate. He said he wasn't joking, but both he and Dona Sharon were having a grand ol' time making the conversation more detailed and disturbing. 

    I might have to go back to Walmart today. I need to replace my broken laundry baskets.

    I need to cook on the grill tonight. I don't want my food to go bad before I can eat it.

    So this month's tele-call was to cleanse and clear our energetic bodies and receive the Christ Light Crown. Simply amazing! I will be listening to it repeatedly because I have a lot of layers to clear and cleanse. Also, I want my light to shine as bright as possible.

    I am still waiting for Let Go or Be Dragged, by Sheila Farr to arrive so I can ship them out and distribute them. I have requested 20 paperback copies of the other two books I contributed to as well, but have not gotten the invoice yet. I need to follow up with Sheila.

    I am going to need Caleb to assemble this new bookcase for my room soon. I have a box of books waiting to be put away.

    This week is going to be busy because I will be working on the Week 9 paper that will be due in addition to what will be due this week. I have the standing zoom call with Unleash Your Life on Monday morning. I have the one-on-one call with Coach Brandi on Tuesday morning. I take the dogs to have their nails trimmed on Thursday. That's about it so far for my appointments this week. I will be trying to use the Curable app more to manage my Fibromyalgia. 

    I am worried about my finances. I am not making enough money to afford the clothes Caleb and I need and the groceries. I have to find a solution quickly. I was wondering if that petition I mailed was received and sent out, for child support. That case needs to get moving. It has been more than a year since I applied. I am going to join the Tylenol lawsuit regarding the use of Tylenol during pregnancy leading to children diagnosed with Autism. I am working on my books a little at a time as the sheer number of pages to edit is overwhelming. I'm thinking about selling the Volvo. It is just sitting in the yard. I never drive it. Really it is just for use when the Mazda is in the shop. I could sell some of my crystals, although I don't want to. Going back to school was my source of extra income, but it is very stressful. I need a break so I am taking a semester off and will determine my next step after I have recovered. I don't really know what to do in the meantime to generate income though. I can't work. All I can really do right now is meditate and pray. 

    I messaged my mom the other day. Just a simple "Goodnight mom," and the next day a "Good morning mom. Have a great day!"

    Listening to "Optimal Health and Well-Being" track 3 now. 

    I'm not ready to quit vaping. I thought I was but I am realizing now that I am not. I have so much fear-based anxiety that I am working on. It is going to take time to heal the root causes of it. I have multiple sources to use now in my meditation and I am so happy. I have audio files not only from Erica Rock but also from Jana Carrey and Elizabeth Peru. They are all awesome women to listen to. I enjoy all of what I have used so far. I am just beginning the journey with all of them and look forward to the future when I am feeling better. Writing this blog helps me on so many levels too. I have no one to talk to during the day when I need it most. I talk to my dad but I can only share limited experiences with him because he is so stuck in his beliefs and not open to my views. For instance, he does not like that I am diagnosing myself with Autism Spectrum Disorder, yet I identify so much with all the things I have read about Autism Spectrum Disorder and so greatly with other women who have Autism. It is an enlightening experience for me where I can now feel safe in who I am. I have felt alienated by the world for all 39 of my years. I had nowhere to belong. I did not have a lot of friends who accepted me growing up. I do not have a lot of friends now. At least I have found groups on Facebook where I belong.  

    My dad thinks being diagnosed is a bad thing, and that I am labeling myself in a destructive way. He thinks that I believe I am somehow less than the average person because of my disabilities, which is not true. I do not think like that. I believe I am different and am exploring those differences so I can recover my self-esteem which was lost so many years ago. 

    He can't stop talking and listen to the words coming out of my mouth. I understand how damaged he is, but I wish he would work on it to change. I told him the other day when he was telling me about myself (like I don't know myself) that things would have been different had I been diagnosed with Autism earlier! Like duh! He wants to constantly tell me about my past as a young adult like I wasn't there and did not experience it first-hand. I'm not going into explanations with him. It's none of his business! I don't want to discuss and argue about my paths of thinking when I was 20-something. It's like he only accepts when I do what he says to do, but I am a human being with thought patterns of my own! I have to honor myself enough to make choices that are right for me at the given time, considering the situation. I have always thought that. He doesn't know even half the stuff that goes through my head. He is so busy talking over me that there is no way he can hear me!

    Maybe if he didn't hit me with a thick and wide leather belt folded over, as a child, I wouldn't be damaged too, at least not by him. Maybe if he didn't punch me! Maybe if I didn't witness him mistreating and abusing my little brother! I mean that's what was normal in our house. How could I go into the world knowing what normal looks like having been in an abusive relationship with my father for 18 years? Yet, I was expected to perform to his standards. What about the depression I fell into multiple times? What about the C-PTSD he was the main cause of? He doesn't even know half of what I felt, thought, or experienced.  

    Then he wonders why Mathew stopped talking to him. Like wake up dad! You are abusive to your children and grandchildren! He is literally and figuratively blind. I want to see him get help from professionals. I want a healthy relationship with my dad. I deserve and I need it. 

    I am going to give myself some love by listening to "Love" by Erica Rock. This music is just what I need right now. I have my Apollo neuro on "Wake up and Energy." I feel like I just shed some layers in my energetic body. That's what I love about listening to the guided meditations. I needed to get rid of that energy badly. Alot of my physical symptoms arise from trauma-based fears. I am not afraid. I am not afraid. I am not afraid.

    I am just going to listen to "Love" a few times followed by "Forgiveness," and "Divine Grace." 

    Have a blessed day my readers! Much love goes out to you!

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New Start Day 54

     It is now 0238 and I have already taken my medications. I am listening to the September tele-call replay that I missed on the 22nd with Erica Rock. 

    Yesterday was not a very productive day. I never even got around to brushing my hair, which is how I start the day. I was sore and achy all day. I had pain all over my body. All I wanted to do was get into the bed and stay there to sleep. In the morning I managed to get some organizing done. I was looking for a spreadsheet that I know I printed out, but I could not find it. I thought maybe I put it in with all my other papers. I never found it, so I just printed out another one. I ended up sorting through my schoolwork and research papers, and bills and all the papers and comments I keep around my workspace. It was brain work, and drained me. I was looking for the spreadsheet because I wanted to review next month's budget. We pay a huge electricity bill in the hottest months of the year to keep the house cool enough for me. As the temperatures fall, the bill decreases, but man! That bill last month was too much! I wish I could afford solar panels, but I can't. I don't qualify for the tax benefits that are being used to sell solar panels right now, because I don't make enough money to pay taxes. 

    I was thinking about telling Caleb that Christmas will be without presents this year. I am thinking it over. His birthday is on New Year's Eve. It's a double whammy on my budget. I just hope I can figure something out before then. I am working on trying to generate passive income. I hope I will get where I need to be soon financially. Right now I am making too much to qualify for food stamps, but I also do not make enough to cover all of our food costs. There is just alot of pressure to find solutions and make them happen. 

    I remain grateful for everything I have. I do know that things could be worse. I also know that I have worked hard for everything I have, and it was not simply given to me. 

    Caleb made his first meal using raw meat yesterday morning. He thawed out some ground beef that was in the freezer and cooked it to his liking successfully. I am so proud of him. I am watching him grow, and it is an amazing thing.

    Caleb was in charge of washing laundry yesterday too. He got his blanket washed finally. He continued with 2 more loads of clothes. 

    Caleb dumped the overfilling trash can for me so I could make dinner. I cooked the whole chicken in the crockpot yesterday for dinner, but when it came time to eat, did not want to eat. 

    Later on in the evening I ordered Domino's pizzas for us with the chocolate volcano cakes. I know it's not part of my diet to have pizza or cake, but it's been so long since I have had any real sugar. I just wanted to have some hot chocolatey cake. 

    I wasn't feeling well after I took my medications last night, and went to lay down early. I placed my hand on my heart and solar plexus and began to think to myself that "I love myself." The thoughts grew from there to "I love me," "I love Jennifer Lynn de Mello," "I love who I am." The list went on like that for a long time. I had alot of repetitions too. I was just reinforcing the idea that I love myself as I am. I also forgave myself for my past. Doing this helped to calm my nervous system down so I could relax my body and feel less pain. It was amazing. 

    I was awarded a settlement in the TurboTax case. I completely forgot that I was a part of that. It's been ongoing for at least a year now. I am trying to get involved in the Tylenol case for mothers of children with Autism. I had alot of back pains when I was pregnant with Caleb. 

    Trump was in Wilmington last night. I made a joke to my dad that he better get on the road to see him. My dad and I hate Trump.

    It is Saturday today, thank God. I will be taking Caleb to the Civil Air Patrol (CAP) open house at the Oak Island airport today. I need to go to Walmart to restock drinks too. 

    Yesterday I was scheduled to take Bubba and Bella to the vet to have their nails trimmed. I called and rescheduled for next because I felt like shit. 

    I hope today is a better day for me. I thought about taking a shower to feel better yesterday, but I never made it. Hopefully I can take one today and feel better.

    Caleb just woke up.

    I am sitting in silence right now. I am taking in the meditation feelings of light that I just received from the September tele-call. 

    The hoodie I bought for Caleb should be here today. I got my leggings delivered yesterday. I am expecting a delivery from the VA too.

    I told my dad the story of when I was pregnant with Caleb and what happened at work one day. I was at work like usual. By that time I had a belly showing. I was very much pregnant. I was standing in S-4 and was going to talk to my NCOIC about something I was working on when he asks me, "What do you have behind your head?" I was confused. What kind of question is that? I was standing there in my pregnancy ACU's and completely within regulation. "What?" I asked because of my confusion. "Do you have a light behind your head?" Still confused I responded "No." I was trying to understand what he was getting at. "You have a light around your head," he said. "It looks light you have a flashlight behind your head." I did not have anything behind my head. My hands were visibly in front of me. I turned around so he could see that I had not put anything around my head. My hair was in a bun with nothing in it. I don't think he came out and said it, but he was telling me that I had a halo! It took me awhile to figure that out. I just wanted to share with my dad because it is just one of the stories that are more interesting to think about from when I was pregnant with Caleb. 

    Just a list of the things I am repeating to myself in silent meditation:

"I love myself.

I love me.

I love Jennifer Lynn de Mello.

I love my body.

I love my soul.

I love my essence.

I love my light.

I love my energy.

I love my heart.

I love my mind.

I love who I am.

I love who I am becoming.

I forgive myself.

I forgive my past.

I wholeheartedly love myself."

    It is now 0404. I am almost ready to go back to bed. I will complete my morning routines when I get back up. I want to call my dad, but it is too early to call him.

    Be blessed my readers!

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New Start Day 53

     Caleb and I got up around midnight. My CPAP got turned off, so I woke up. Caleb was super hyper! I guess he never went to sleep! He was wired on sugary sodas that I bought him last night when I ordered from Domino's. OMG Never Again! 

    Caleb gave me pepperoni pizza and I ate it. Yep. Totally cheated on my keto diet again. I have to stop sabotaging myself. 

    It is now 0159. I put on Erica's August tele-call to change the energy for us. Caleb had the dogs hyper too. He has since calmed down. He is in his room now. I am currently listening to Jana Carrey's "Journey to the Avalon Priestess Temple" audio again. I love this track! 

    While I listening to the tele-call, I was editing my Word document that I created from my blog material. I was able to complete the editing for the month of September. One step at a time. I moved the material for September to its own file. I will separate the material by month. That will create a natural division that will break down this huge 1,507 page document into more manageable sized files.  I am proud of myself.

    Yesterday I felt badly in my body. My body was sore and achy all over. I had no motivation whatsoever. I was so tired. I tried calling my dad in the morning but his phone was dead. I had a hard time even thinking about what to do for the day. I was exhausted and drained. 

    Yesterday was the Autumnal Equinox. I happen to be sensitive to changes in weather, changes in the Schumann resonance, and solar-flare activity. 

    I listened to Rachel Goodwin's Sacred Sarah chant youtube video. I rested for most of the day. I just couldn't get moving. Everything was hurting. 

    I did remember to eat my hard boiled eggs for breakfast. I had ham and cheese for lunch. I cooked the shrimp we thawed out for dinner. I ended up ordering Caleb Domino's because I had 2 free pizzas to redeem. I bought myself the boneless Buffalo chicken with Ranch dressing. Caleb got 2 pepperoni pizzas, the chocolate lava cakes, and a couple sodas. I got a diet Coke too. 

    I had my appointment with Dr. Kent, the pharm-D at the VA, about my glucose readings and diabetic medications. She reduced my dosage to half of what I was taking of the Metformin!

    I got the grade for my 5-page literature review I submitted on Sunday night. I earned a 97 out of 100! That grade is 25% of my course grade. It's such a relief that I got at least an 80. 

    Caleb used the new lawn mower for the first time yesterday morning when he was working on the yard. I'm proud of him.

    Caleb got the laundry started yesterday too. I wanted to get his blankets washed first because I don't like sharing my blanket when I sleep. He likes to roll over and steal all the blanket!

    Yesterday Caleb was sitting on the floor with his laptop computer and Bubba and Bella were playing too close to him. Bubba backed into and sat on the screen of his computer, damaging it. He was so upset! I can't afford to replace his laptop, and I do not know if it is worth it to fix the screen. 

    I forgot to say that the Mazda battery was dead when I tried to start it to go to Caleb's appointment the day before yesterday. I had to jumpstart it. Caleb was asking questions so I taught him and he learned! It was a proud moment. He now knows that you connect the black cable first to the black terminal. Then you connect the red cable to the red terminal. He knows that black is the ground and red is positive. He knows that the red will electrocute you, and not to let it touch metal, especially the car. 

    I haven't decided what to do today. Normally it's so clear because I have lists of what needs to be done. I still have lists. I need to review them. 

    I listened to Jana Carrey's "Family Healing" audio file yesterday. I wonder if it was felt by my family members. 

    I just completed listening to the "Journey to Avalon Priestess Temple," and am ready for bed. It is now 0400. I have been up since midnight. That audio is a little more than 2 hours long. I went ahead and took my medications. I'm pretty sure that Caleb fell asleep a couple of hours ago. I feel completely at ease now. I feel relaxed and able to rest. I do not feel the pains I was feeling just a little while ago. My body has completely relaxed and that's a big part of my pain reduction. I also took my meds so that helps too. 

    I will figure out what to do today when I get back up. For now, it's time for me to rest. Be blessed my readers!

    

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New Start Day 52

     It is now 0656, and I have been awake for at least 2 hours. I have been listening to "Journey to the Avalon Priestess Temple" for the second time. I listened to it for the first time yesterday. Caleb woke up shortly after I began listening to the audio file and was just so talkative. I couldn't hear the audio I was trying to pay attention to. I actually woke up at 0130 or so, but was not ready to get out of bed. I decided it was just too early to get up. 

    Caleb is outside weed-wacking the yard. I didn't tell him to do it. That's just what he wanted to do.

    Yesterday was a very productive day for me. I started around 0930 or so. I began with reviewing my reading for this week so I could complete this week's quiz. I completed the quiz then responded to the discussion posts. That was my homework for this week. I went to week 9 to review the requirements of the paper that will be due. I downloaded the template. I wanted to start working on it but I only completed the title page. 

    I wanted to somehow download my blog, but did not know how to do it so I googled it. I came to the conclusion that I would have to copy and paste my blog into a Word file if that's what I wanted. That's what I did. I have written 1,507 pages so far! I have written over 86,000 words! I contacted Sheila Farr to ask if she would be able to help me in the project I want to do. I want to publish my own books based on my blog. I think there should be two versions: an abridged version and an unabridged version. I think I should write multiple books in a series that is chronological to make the books shorter and easier to read. These are just my thoughts so far. I successfully created a Word file of everything I have ever journaled/blogged. That's the starting point I needed. I have to have a working file that has everything all at once so I can edit, refine, and condense the material. I am so excited!

    While I was searching for directions to download my blog I came across how to monetize my blog. I am now waiting for the prep work to be done so that I can show ads. Two wins in one day!

    I forgot that Caleb had his therapy appointment yesterday, but I set a reminder on my calendar that reminded me. I forgot to eat breakfast, but I ate a late lunch before leaving for Caleb's appointment. Caleb's appointment went well. I brought up that Caleb kicked a hole in the hallway wall.

    We came home and took a short break without going to the bed. I hand washed a bunch of dishes and pre-washed the dishes for the dishwasher. I was able to run the dishwasher finally. I cleaned off the countertop and stovetop. By then I had no energy to make dinner.  Besides, I did not want to create dirty dishes. I decided to just eat my default meal of ham and cheese for dinner in order to be able to take my night time medications. 

    The day before yesterday I had my one-on-one appointment with Coach Brandi. Towards the end of the conversation we talked about her retreat that she held last weekend. I suggested that she think about doing a "Mommy and Me" style retreat for veterans like me who are single parents with no support system to rely on to leave the children behind. She liked the idea once I explained to her what I meant and we began brainstorming how that might happen in the future. I was proud of myself.

    Later that day I replied to Ali's message about her workshop. I did not realize that I never replied to it. I suggested to her that "You cannot have a castle with animals without a Hagrid. That would just be wrong!" We laughed together, but we also talked about getting the kids involved in a Hagrid workshop in the Spring. I'm super proud of myself for that too. 

    So yesterday I set out to do my homework and do some housework. I did both plus a forgotten appointment which takes time away from what I was trying to get done. I still managed to get things done! I am super proud of myself for pushing on and not taking a nap, but instead starting to clean the kitchen. 

    Caleb went outside and began picking up the trash that Bubba created in the backyard. He decided he wanted to do some weedwacking since our neighbor, Chris, taught him how to use the one I bought for him. 

    This morning Caleb used the lawnmower on the front yard. I'm proud of my growing boy! I went to see his work, and the front yard looks a lot better. 

    I really felt different after listening to Jana Carrey's meditation yesterday. That is the change I needed to get things done, to make that shift happen. It was a meditation for the heart and the third-eye. It was beautifully done. 

    I got a response from my professor that the message I sent made her tear up. I reached her heart with my message. 

    I began looking for nursing homes for my dad to see where he could go. I think it might be up to VA, although I'm not completely sure. I want him to have a better life. The situation now is just not good and both Dona Sharon and my dad know it. 

    My dad was watching CNN yesterday about what's going on with the Trump family. He wants to call Mathew and ask him how he feels now about Trump.

    Well, it is now 0755 and I have to get going on my morning routines and start the day. Caleb never went back to sleep like he said he was going to, so he is awake. We have work to do today. I little bit of homework and a lot of housework. He is going to get my incline trainer cleared off today. Coach Brandi asked him to do it for both of us. We will see!

    Be blessed my readers!

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New Start Day 51

     It is now 0225. I am tired, but I am awake because I needed a drink, to use the bathroom, and I was not comfortable in the bed anymore. Bella and Caleb sleep close to me, and eventually I have no room to move when I need to. It's the third night in a row this has been the case. It's too early for me to take my medications. My entire body aches with pain. I feel like someone beat me with 2x4. 

    I got very little done yesterday. I had to rest after 3 rounds of diarrhea. I forgot to have breakfast totally. I had keto bars for lunch. 

    I wrote to my professor, my academic advisor, and disability services yesterday. I was approved for an accommodation of an extra 7 days to submit most assignments. I wrote my professor:

    "Thank you for acknowledging me as a person. I know it may seem like it was nothing to you, but I come from a dark place. I am working on myself currently, and have been for years now. I will always appreciate being treated as someone with value, as I have not always been treated that way. Thank you for guiding me in the right direction, and not making me feel like less of a person for needing help. It wasn't easy to ask for help. I felt more comfortable asking you because I relate to your weekly update videos, and you seem like a safe person to talk to. I love your personality and sunny way of being on screen. I want to let you know how much receiving help means to me. It means I may just be able to make it through this degree program, which means that pursuing my doctorate is a possibility. That's huge! It's my dream to graduate with a phD. Thank you so much!

Although it might be inappropriate between professor and student, I would totally love to hug you right now!

Nothing but love,

Jennifer de Mello."

    I also decided to share my blog on my Facebook business page and Instagram. I posted this in multiple groups I belong to too:

    "I write a daily journal in the form of a blog. So far, I am getting better with my written and verbal communication when I blog first thing in the morning. It gives me a quiet time to collect my thoughts and reflect on what happened the day before. I know it is not the most interesting thing to read, and up until today I have not attempted to share with people outside of my Facebook newsfeed. I thought my family and friends could appreciate knowing what's going on over here in social isolation land as a disabled veteran and single mother of a 13 year old with ASD too. I guess I was wrong. I am sadly disappointed that I have lost what few readers I had.

The intent is to just work on myself and parent my son. The sharing with others came to mind when I realized that I hate talking on the phone to get the same conversation over and over and over again with family and friends. I type it once, and it's there for whoever is interested when they are ready to read.

It is also easier than writing my stories in multiple groups, even if I did think to just copy and paste. Anyhow, I just wanted to share that I stepped out of my comfort zone and posted a link to my blog on my Facebook business page and my Instagram page. That's a huge Win for me!"

    

    I made the effort to share my blog with as many people as possible without breaking the rules of the groups. I could not share my link, but I could post as I did.

    I responded to Ali's last message concerning her workshop. I thought I responded when I got the message, but I guess I didn't. 

    I started reading a new book. It is 12 Secret Laws of Self-Realization: A Guide to Enlightenment and Ascension by a Modern Mystic by Shahram Shiva. I am more than halfway through it already. I read it while I was resting in bed yesterday afternoon, until I needed to sleep. I am excited to get through another book that has just been waiting for me to read it.

    I did not do any housework. As far as homework, I did very little of that too. I think I only read the responses to my post. I have to read through the BACB website to understand everything there about supervision before I will be ready to take the quiz. I want to get that completed soon so I can work ahead and get started on the paper that is due for week 9. 

    I think I am ready to take my medications now. BRB. Done.

    I am listening to Jana Carrey's "Journey to the Avalon Priestess Temple" right now. She had a 50% sale for her media and I had to jump right on that because I want to follow and explore with several people at the same time. I bought her entire library so I should have plenty to listen to for the rest of the year.

    I set my intention for my complete health and healing, vibrational upgrades to my community, and healing for the entire planet.

    This audio is so interesting. 

    Today's goals are to do what I could not do yesterday. I need to wash laundry pending the clean up of the laundry room by Caleb. The kitchen needs my attention today. I think I will cook the whole chicken I bought in the crockpot today for dinner. I want to work on my homework for school too. I think I can accomplish these things today with no complications.

    I want Caleb to focus his energy on beginning to read one of the banned books I bought. I will probably guide him to read Charlotte's Web first as it is easier to read than the others. I also want his energy to be used to help me clean up the house. I need him to clear the mess in the hallway and shop vac it. He will be prepping it for me to use my pet vac and carpet cleaner. I need his help to remove the old mattress protector from my bed and put the new one on. I have faith we can get these things done today. 

    I want to be able to focus my energy tomorrow on the paper due in week 9.  

    I used the Curable app last night while I was using my alpha-stim. I listened to the introductory education and then listened to a 10 minute meditation. I was totally relaxed in bed last night, and it's been a long time since I have felt that way. 

    I ate some of Caleb's Brazilian cheese bread last night too. I love that stuff but it's not allowed on my diet. 

    I have to update my biomarker spreadsheet for my appointment tomorrow with the VA pharmD. 

    That audio was more than 2 hours long, but I sat through the whole thing and am better for it. I feel a lot better now. So cool how that goes. There were pegasus unicorns, dragons, Mother Mary, Morgan la Fey, Merlin, and St. Germain at Avalon. So cool to be present in the space created. Felt really safe and loving.

    I think I need a nap after all of that. That was a lot of healing work, and the healing continues. I need water and rest. It is only 0517 so I have time to sleep before my day really starts. Be blessed my readers! 

    If you like what you read, please share my blog! Feel free to comment.

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