It is now 0222 and I have only been awake for a few minutes. I am listening to Jana Carrey's "Journey to the Avalon Priestess Temple." It is just an amazing guided meditation. I am going to get my medications ready to take while I am listening to the beginning. I took my medications while Jana was doing introduction instructions.
Yesterday was a Fibromyalgia day and I personally got nothing done. I led Caleb to do things in between naps though. That was all I could do.
I called my dad twice, but he did not answer his phone. Perhaps that was for the better. I needed a break from his constant questioning and joking about my mom. I think he thinks that if he uses a joke that it doesn't hurt anyone, but it does hurt me.
I was very tired yesterday and sore all over. My muscles ached all over my body. I bought Acetaminophen because I have tried Aspirin, Ibuprofen, and Naproxen, and found that it helps me the most. I just felt the call and need to spend the day in bed. I thought if I took a nap I might be able to get up and work, but I couldn't.
I am learning to not feel guilty when I can't work. It's a tough process. I have always been made to feel like I am only worth what I can produce.
I came up with a new meditation loop for myself last night.
"I am connected to the Source of creation of all of things.
I am rooted in the Earth."
I repeated this in my head for a long time last night. It just felt right. It just came to me. Simple and effective to reconnect the way I wanted to.
Today I would like to do what I couldn't do yesterday, but we will see. Caleb was in charge of washing laundry yesterday. He also swept the kitchen floor and picked up dirty clothes from the floor in the bathroom.
So I have been waiting on my UPS package from Zulily. Apparently it is lost. I am getting a refund, which might be for the best because I need the money right now more than I need more books.
I ate Caleb's kettle-cooked jalapeno chips yesterday. He also gave me Bugles to eat. I have not had chips in more than 5 months. I really enjoyed them, but I also could not stop eating them. I am highly addicted to foods that are not allowed on my diet. I am making an effort to get back on track. I really want to see a big weight loss happen and to be able to get fit again and stay fit. It took away my physical pain to eat. My body wrongly believes I am in danger, and when I eat it believes I must be safe. That is the breakdown of my anxiety problems and trauma-fear-based physical pain from my Fibromyalgia.
I am so grateful for my dogs. They both love me so much. Bubba loves to give me kisses and get rubs. Bella loves to sleep with me and get rubs. They are both so sweet. I am so happy to have Bella and Bubba. They are great therapy dogs even though they are not trained to be. I say that because they can take my mind off the heaviness I feel in my body just by being themselves.
Part of the healing in this meditation is around healing abuse. Time is also spent on the inner child.
I feel better. My medications are beginning to work. My pain is less. The meditation has started and I am able to relax envisioning the journey.
I could not sleep anymore because my CPAP was acting up and making noise through the leak in the mask. I was also too warm and sweating. I needed a drink too.
There is a tropical storm expected to hit Florida on Thursday morning, likely as a hurricane.
I forgot to let my Virta team know that I am now only taking 1,000mg of Metformin as of my Thursday appointment with Dr. Kent, pharmD at the VA, so I let them know last night.
I start Week 8 today of my Capella class. Only 2 weeks left after this week! I can't wait to embrace my break from my school and transition to Caleb's schoolwork. I feel like teaching and training him is my way of creating a better future for us all. I know I am only one person, and he is only one person, but the ripple effect could be gigantic. I look forward to giving Caleb my full attention.
Jana Carrey says "Honor your own innocence," and that we as empaths are not here to be doormats to people who are abusive and mistreating us. She talks about having boundaries. "We say 'Namaste' and walk away."
It is now 0413 and I am still listening to the meditation by Jana Carrey. It lasts a little longer than 2 hours I think. I think I will need a nap after this. I have to recharge and get some sleep.
Caleb wakes up with a lot of energy, and I want to be able to keep up with him today and work alongside him if I can. I hope I can. We can get much more done as a team than individually. There is so much work to be done. I'm ready to have it completed. I just want to finish out these last weeks of class and be able to focus on what I'm required to do. I want to get a high grade in this class. I want to understand what is being taught and leave the class more knowledgeable and ready for the next class in the sequence.
I'm off to bed! Have a blessed day my readers!
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