It is now 0034. I don't know why, but I am awake. Yesterday was a pretty good day. Caleb and I did not get much much of our work done from our schedule, but that is ok. Instead we went grocery shopping at Walmart in the morning, and grocery shopping at Food Lion in the afternoon. I talked to a lot of people while shopping in Walamart. I don't know why, but I was gathering a lot of attention. I seemed to be more grounded than usual. I felt like I was carrying a great del of light of too. I had a good attitude, and good sense of humor. On the way out of the parking lot there was a man holding a sign at the traffic light. I rolled down my window and tried to get food to him, but we could not find the ham and cheese in time. I told him I would turn around and come back, so I did. I parked at the Great Clips, close to where he was standing so I could get out of the Mazda and find the ham and cheese I just bought. I bought 4 24 packs of Swiiss cheese and 4 1lbs packs of ham. He told me he could not take too much because he had to carry it in his bag. He asked for a couple cans of Diet Mountain Dew, so I opened a box and handed him 3 cans. We found the ham and cheese and gave him a pack of each. Caleb donated a bag of chips I bought for him. This man was so grateful, said "Thank you so much!" I said something like "I have to teach my son how to do the right thing for a fellow human being." He told me his name, and I told him mine. It was a short exchange, but well worth it. I told him to be safe, and Caleb told him not to let people bully him. He said thank you again, and we went on our way to CVS. It felt good to help someone in need. It felt even better to show Caleb to care about other people. I felt like I was this man's angel.
We went to CVS to get the medication that was ready. Tatyana was working at the window again. She is such a nice woman. We went home after that. I waited for Caleb to bring in all the groceries before I went to take a nap. I laid down, but could not sleep. My mind kept running, but at least my body rested.
When I got up, I knew I wanted to go to Food Lion to get my salad ingredients. So eventually, when I was ready, we went. After I got in the Mazda, Caleb picked up a garden snake from our yard and was holding it. He threw his hand with the snake at my window, but did not let go of the snake. I screamed, and then yelled for him to let the snake go. A few minutes later he asked why I was scared of the snake, and I said something like, " I had a traumatic event with a snake in my childhood, you asshole!" Then he said something like, "Define traumatic," and I responded, "A snake tried to kill me in my sleep while I was sleeping on a cot as a little girl!" He said what he thought was funny, was not funny anymore. When we were walking in Food Lion he asked me about a water mocassin. I told him about how I was swimming naked in a river when one swam right by me! Naked! I had to take deep breaths to get passed the issue.
I did not have the energy to cook dinner, or even make a salad like I wanted. I simply ate ham and cheese for dinner.I took my medications, put away most of the groceries, and went to lay down. I used my alpha-stim since the liquid and batteries arrived from the VA for it. I have not used it in a long time. I fell asleep after using the alpha-stim for 1 hour. Caleb woke me up after he took a bath, talking about he saw a ghost. Then as he was standing in the doorway to my bedroom said "Ow!" I asked what happened, andhe responded " Can't you see this?" He had three parallel freshly open scratches on his chest. I wasn't jumping to thinking it was because of a ghost. I have done multiple protection meditations with Erica's audio files to set up a safe home. I know we are protected by angels guarding the property. I don't know what he saw exactly, but I was not scared. It was more likely that it was Bubba who scratched Caleb than a ghost.
I am now listening to Unlimited Abundance track 15 by Erica Rock.
Yesterday I was reading my Facebook newsfeed when I came across a video of 14 soldier homecomings that made me cry. I cried out of pure love for these soldiers and their families' reactions. I also cried because I never had a homecoming like those, when I came home, nor when Mathew came home. It hit me pretty hard. I cried more than a few tears. I really felt my emotions. I have been numb to anything but anxiety and fear for so long. I saw mothers and fathers coming home to surprise their children and brothers and sisters coming home to surprise their siblings. It was all so beautiful and heart-warming. I miss Mathew. I wish we could get back together. I miss Nichole and the kids too.
I did not talk to my dad much yesterday. He is always ready to get off the phone before I am. I need friends with similar interests as me.
I am going to give this Lightbody Activation meditation my full attention today. BRB
I was able to give all but the last 6 minutes my full attention. That should make a difference because lately I have only been playing it in the background as I type this blog.
Today I have got to get my homework done. It is due tomorrow by midnight and I do not want to wait until tomorrow to get it done. It stresses me out when I wait until Sunday, so I strive to not do that. I still have to read a chapter in the book, and take the quiz, but I also have to find two articles to write about for next week. I have to read the guides from the library on how to do what I am being asked to do. I have no idea how long all of this will take, but I remember the last time I had to find articles, it took a long ass time to do.
I am now listening to "Forgiveness". It will be followed by "Divine Grace" and "Abundance and Prosperity." I am now printing the prayers from the Howard Wills website to be able to read them everyday. It is now 0221. I have been awake for a long time now. I just read the Concise Prayer Program by Howard Wills. They are pretty simple prayers and I like that about them.
Caleb is going to be working on his chore list today. He is currently asleep in my bed with Bella. I am more motivated to clean up than do my homework. Sucks, but I gotta do it.
Caleb told me yesterday that he did not like the original creation I cooked for him. I wonder why not. It had stuff he likes to eat in it. I told him not to lie to me in the future, because he lied to me when he told me he liked it. I told him that it hurts my feelings more when he lies to me, than to just tell the truth.
I got my new shop vac in the mail yesterday, along with our new ear buds so I will be able to listen to loud music early in the mornings when I am ready to walk on the inlcine trainer.
I wonder if tents are allowed on the beach. I would like to take a nap listening to the waves without being on the sand, or getting sunburned.
I think I am going to go ahead and take my medications. I might start doing my homework too, if I feel like staying awake. I will probably go back to bed at some point. I still have the rest of my morning routines to do. Be blessed my readers!
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