It is now 0555. I am tired still. My body aches. I am listening to Unlimited Abundance track 4. Yesterday was Monday. I worked hard yesterday even though I told myself to rest and recover from my efforts on Sunday. I made the appointment for the dogs to have their nails trimmed at the vet. I made the appointment with VA mental health. I contacted my professor, my academic advisor, and disability services about an accommodation. I went grocery shopping at Lowe's Foods. I planned out what Caleb needs to do this week. I also planned out what I need to do by creating lists. I had a talk with Caleb about him not working, not following instructions, etc. He ended up kicking a massive hole in the wall in the hallway. I posted my discussion board post, and am waiting to respond to others. I read most of this week's reading. I looked ahead to the paper that is due in week 9. It is 7-9 pages, not including the title page or reference page. I am not looking forward to sitting down to get that done, so I will start as soon as possible. Caleb got the laundry room cleaned up, according to him. I have to check his work. I went to the Unleash Your Life group last night. I'm glad I made it this week, but boy was I tired.
I am listening to "Love" a few times before I listen to Lightbody Activation. I am going to get my medications ready to take them. BRB
I got all but the Victoza down. I have to wait for my stomach to settle. I had the tea in the fridge since Caleb left them in the Mazda and it was hot. Now, it's too cold and giving me brain freeze! LOL
Today I have the call with Coach Brandi at 0900. That lasts an hour. I want to go ahead and get my other reading for this week done so I can complete the quiz. I want to get started on week 9's paper so I don't panic like I did for last week's paper.
I am listening to "Enlightenment and Awakening" before I listen to Lightbody Activation.
I binged on keto bars last night. I couldn't help myself. They are sweet and chocolate.
I just finished paying the bills and updating my spreadsheet for next month.
I am listening to the "Optimal Health and Well-Being" call number 2 now.
It is now 0740. Where did the time go? I hope to get some homework and housework done today.
I'm not really in the mood to type. I don't have anything in my mind right now. It's blank.
I have tried having conversations with my dad and Dona Sharon concerning my differences, specifically my Autism self-diagnosis and my new belief that I have learning disabilities. They are in denial. It hurts to not be believed that I know myself well enough to come to these conclusions. I don't understand why it's hard for them to believe what I am saying is true. It's also frustrating. I am now and have always been held to a high standard. It's not fair without help and accommodations that I am learning are available. I never had help before. I always struggled to do everything on my own. Not accepting help when you know you need it can be a trauma response. I never knew that other people didn't have to do what I have to do to understand material! NEVER KNEW!! I assumed that it was normal. I lived my life thinking I was normal, even though I saw differences between myself and my peers. I feel ignored. I feel like what I say falls on deaf ears. I think the resistance may come with the guilt they might have to face if they accept that I am mentally disabled in ways they never acknowledged my entire life.
My dad makes statements that lean towards "you don't have to believe your self-diagnosis" like it's a bad thing that I am now paying more attention to myself and learning new things about myself. I am 39 years old. If I don't give myself time now, then when? Having a diagnosis is helpful to me. It is a new freedom to be me. I am able to find people who are like me. I can make friends with people who know what it's like to be me. I never could before.
Self-awareness is key to positive growth. I see myself differently now. I am developing self-esteem that I never had before. I am beginning to love myself for who I am and what I have overcome. I can appreciate myself for who I am now. I can see myself more clearly now. I am not one of the neuro-typical population. I am a part of the neuro-diverse population. It feels good to find where I belong, where I fit in. I never fit in with "normal" people, and now I know why. I don't think experiences like mine are shared enough. I am trying to change that.
Caleb just woke up. I have to get my morning started. I still have to complete my morning routines. I hope one day soon that my blog helps people understand a variety of things really. Be blessed my readers!
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