Today's prompt is "You wish you could stop____ from happening." I wish I could stop Trump from winning the election.
Yesterday was a pretty good day. I was able to get moving at a decent time in the morning, and take a shower. I got Caleb to take a shower and put on some clean clothes. We went out to replenish the Dew stock, and grab some vegetables to cook for dinner. I made a giant salad to use the produce I had in the fridge. I am trying to eat it before it goes bad. Caleb had his appointment. We went to Dollar General to look for a mop, and bought a few goodies instead. I was able to load the dishwasher and get it started. I finally got the laundry started. I hand washed a whole bunch of dishes. I gave Bella her allergy medication and ear treatments. I cooked dinner. So, I'm feeling pretty good about myself and the day I had. I even finished reading the short book about shadow work on the Kindle.
Since I am not going to be able to quit vaping any time soon, I went ahead and bought a new e-cigarette, and a battery charger. Both of mine need to be replaced. I didn't want to spend the money, but I don't want to go crazy without it and end up spending even more money at Amsterdam Life. I was able to get a good deal on both online.
Caleb got angry at me, and I think he broke the damn carpet cleaner. I wanted to replace it, but I didn't want to do it so soon. I am not happy about his outrage. I am not happy about having to spend more money right now. Those things are hundreds of dollars! Granted, I've had mine since moving to the apartment in Wilmington, probably almost 9 years now.
I haven't heard from Mathew or Nichole since the other day when Mathew called and we texted on Facebook Messenger. I'm not going to reach out again. I am here if they ever need me.
I listened to an old Staind album on my bluetooth speaker, while I was cleaning in the kitchen. "It's always raining in my head...." so true. I love that album.
I have been trying to give my Aunt Lisa some space and time away from me. I know she deals with a lot in her job, and with Fernando. I wish I could have shared a good day with her though. Seems like I've been having trouble lately dealing with things in my head. I don't have many friends of my own to talk to. I reach out to Rachel sometimes, but I don't always want to bother her either.
The time is now 2:53 a.m. here. I woke up because I felt like I was falling off my bed. Caleb slept in the bed with me again, and he sleeps at an awkward angle, taking up most of the bed. I got up for a snack earlier and couldn't get back to my rightful position on my own bed!
I have found my place among other pitbull lovers, among other Democratic Women in NC, among other disabled women veterans, and among other parents of kids with ADHD and ODD on Facebook. We are all going through Hell, except the pitbull lovers.
I listened to Bernie Sanders speak last night. He spoke on behalf of the families who are going to be evicted, and against the distribution of wealth among billionaires? or millionaires? Those who got the tax cuts and made tons of money during the pandemic.
Today is Friday and I am going to continue the laundry until I am done. I want to be able to clear the house of all clothing that no longer fits Caleb, and make room for the new stuff that I have been keeping in my room for safe keeping, until I can put it away where it belongs. Caleb needs to clean his mess on the kitchen island, and in the living room. I might have to go out and buy a new carpet cleaning machine from Lowes.
I lost one of my compression socks when I took it off in the middle of the night. I went looking for it yesterday and couldn't find it anywhere. I don't know what it is about socks that they just disappear.
Bella followed me out here and is sleeping on the couch. She is so sweet and peaceful looking. I want to cuddle with her so badly. She's my big baby.
I have to clean out the bathroom too. Ugh. More work.
I read this meme on Facebook and it says by Yoko Akili, " If we really want to prevent suicide we might need to examine our cultural obsession with productivity and "success" and mean spiritedness and shade that attacks and belittles folks for not meeting these hyper capitalistic ableist standards of being a human being." I responded with "Yes! Disabled veteran here and I can't keep up the pace!"
Also a post about 9/11 came up, and asked "Where were you when the world stopped turning?" I responded "I was at the University of NC at Greensboro freshman dorm, my first semester away from home."
So, yes, to day is September 11th. I do remember that day in 2001. I can see myself standing in my dorm room watching the tv screen as the world watched what was happening. I worried for my family, in particular, Fernando, who I knew to work in New York City. I didn't know what to do. I was in shock. Just months prior I was dealing with bomb threats to my high school after a couple of "kids" ran into their school and shot a whole bunch of people. The world was a scary place to be.
Tomorrow is my dad's birthday. He will be 61 years old. I wonder how he is doing and if he regrets behaving the way he did while he was here.
I never thought my family would be this divided. I never expected to find myself all alone. I thought I would live with my dad until the day he died. He needs a lot of professional help. At my best, I was only a medic.
I hope my relationship with Caleb is so much better. I feel like my life was cut short due to being hospitalized. I feel like I had so much to give, and now I am stuck. I am stuck trying to figure out another way to live my life fruitfully. I don't think he will understand where I am coming from until he is older. That is why it is important for me to write down my feelings now. One day, he may want to know what I was really going through while he was growing up. There is a lot I don't tell him. He is not old or mature enough to understand.
Dew is no good when it is flat. I opened a can yesterday that had been beaten up. I was hopeful it was still good. It wasn't, at all. It was like flavored water, in a bad way. Yuck!
Well, it is now 3:41 a.m. here and I am running low on things to write. I just opened up a new dew though.
I am vaping up clouds. I don't know what to do with myself. I am not ready to go back to bed. It feels good in here though. I'm not hot. I'm actually feeling the coolness. I almost feel like starting my day. I know that's crazy, right?
I better go start the dryer, and go back to bed. Caleb is going to run me down in the morning.
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