Today's prompt is " Who would you trade places with for just one day?" A healthy, athletic, and fit woman in her early 30's.
It is now 12:34 a.m. here, and I woke up because I was too warm. I tried to go back to sleep by rubbing Bella's belly, but it didn't work. Sometimes it does. She's very soft. It's very relaxing to me to pet her.
Yesterday Caleb and I woke up early and went to the food distribution at Brunswick Family Assistance. We made it in time to be the 5th car in line for the pickup. They only serve the first 150 cars. We got some good food in the donated bags they put together. Pretty awesome. We then came home, took our medications, and then went to rest. I only rested for less than an hour. I got up because I heard Caleb talking to someone, and did not know it was. I wanted to be sure he did not let a stranger in the house. He was facetiming his Grammie! LOL Got all worked up for nothing. I ate leftovers for lunch, and started to clean the kitchen. I had trouble getting Caleb to do his part, but eventually I got him to help. One task at a time. I've been trying to prepare the kitchen to be sprayed with insecticide. Every time I get the dishes washed, I get too tired to clean off the counter tops in a deep clean kind of way, and I miss the opportunity. Yesterday I finally got most of the counter tops deep cleaned, but not yet sprayed. I ran out of energy, but they are ready to be sprayed today.
Yesterday Caleb read some of his National Geographic Animal Encyclopedia. We also took Bella for a walk. As soon as we got onto the road, it started to rain! We kept walking though. Bella and I walked, while Caleb rode his bike. We walked to the Veterans' Park and back home. It s not a far walk, but walking on the pavement is hard on my body. I am so very out of shape. Even with my diabetic shoes, custom insoles, lift, and compression socks, my body was hurting. I must stress a lot when I walk, because my shoulders tense up really badly, to the point of aching like I lifted something heavy many times over. I was hoping that going for a walk would help me with my lower back pain and pelvis pain. It did not hurt when I walked, but it did hurt when I sat down afterwards.
I made our dinner in the crockpot at 10:30 in the morning, and we did not eat until after 6. I made country style pork loin ribs with chili beans in a chili sauce and a side of fresh green beans for dinner. I told Caleb that if I could get the kitchen done, I would consider it a good day. I almost got it done. Good enough.
I made a list of things for Caleb to get done during the day, so I would not have to repeat myself a billion times over. It did not help him to do what he needed to do, but it did help me to tell him what to do. There was a lot of stuff on that list.
1) Wash your hands
2) Empty the dishwasher
3) Empty the dish strainer
4) Put your things away that are on the kitchen island
5) Empty the trash can in the trash bin
6) Clean out the trash can with soap and water
7) Dry the trash can
8) Put a trash bag in the trash can
9) Empty the recycling
10) Put a new recycling bag up
11) Fix the couch (cushions)
12) Fix the chair (cushion)
13) Put the ramen noodles back in the box I bought them in
He did everything except number 6 and 7. Not a bad day. It wasn't easy to get him to work. He is so O.D.D. (Oppositional and Defiant).
Today Caleb has his weekly occupational therapy appointment in person. I will be telling Brittini about Caleb's affinity towards getting violent when he is angry. He hurt me at least 3 times that I remember yesterday, on purpose, when he was angry at different times in the day. If you see me walking around with all kinds of bruises, it will be because Caleb likes to hit, kick, and throw things at me.
Caleb got grounded yesterday because I told him he could go to the park, but when I told him to come home, he went back out to the park against my wishes. He said he left his fishing rod there. He did that on purpose, and that made me angry.
Caleb's psychiatrist put him on a new medication, but I do not see any positive results from using it. I do not see any changes in behavior at all. Maybe it is too soon to tell.
Today I will have to complete the kitchen clean up and spray the insecticide. I will also have to clear the hallway and prepare to shop vac, pet vac, and carpet clean it. If I can manage that much, I will consider it a good day.
Yesterday I got a text message from Bella's previous parent. He will be in town this weekend. He is a National Guardsman. He would like to come with his niece to visit Bella. That means I have to get my shit together quickly and clean up this mess! I have until Saturday to clean the hallway thoroughly, clean the living room, and clean the bathroom. I don't know if I can get it all done in time, but I am going to try. I don't want him to think I don't care about the living situation our fur baby is in.
I am really chugging down the Dew this morning. I am really thirsty. I need to drink some water is what I need to do.
I was listening to inappropriate music yesterday, very loudly, as I cleaned the dishes. LOL I was listening to Lil Wayne and 2 Chains, among others. Explicit. Sometimes, you have to let your gansta out.
I am going to try to walk Bella most days of the week now that it is getting cooler outside. We could not stand the Summer temperatures. It was too hot for us both. She really likes to sniff everything out there. Her nose stays to the ground. She has gotten better about not pulling on the leash. It's not as hard to walk her now. When I first got her, and walked her, she would pull the whole time we walked. It was very tiring and hard on my arms to try to control her. She is very strong. She is about 70 lbs of muscle. As long as we do not pass other animals out there, she is a good girl. She lunges at other dogs and is hard to control.
Caleb needs to walk with us instead of riding his bike. He has too much energy to be doing something that is easier to do. He needs the full exercise of walking or running. I might even consider putting my weighted vest on him to make him work harder now that it is cooler outside.
I noticed a mindfulness app I have on my phone yesterday. It was a free app. I do not remember what it is called but it helps to do small things during the day, like figure out how I am feeling or concentrating on my breathing. I would like to start using it throughout the day, when I can remember. I need to start using my alpha-stim every day again. I have gotten out of the habit.
At least I got caught up on the laundry that was taking up the while hallway. There is very little in the way now. It should not take long, except for my need to take breaks because of my back pain. I should be able to get Caleb to help me get started on the hallway, and he should also be able to clean his own messes in the living room for me to shop vac in there. As long as I am able to get adequate rest tonight, I should not burn out in the middle of the day.
The bills are paid. I decided that I needed to separate funds to use for the remainder of this month and the beginning of next month. So I put money into my savings account for later, not to be touched until then. That way I can be sure to have money for things we may need, hopefully. It's not much, but it's better than nothing. With all this food that I got from the distribution and my Aunt Lisa, plus what I just bought, I am not worried about having enough food this month. Next month is another story, but I am not too worried about that either. I am pretty sure we have more than enough right now to last us until the next food stamp allotment is deposited.
My mom called me yesterday and was talking to me about Caleb's lack of homeschooling progress. I got irritated with her, but did not show it. I was telling her that he will not work without direct supervision and I can not afford to sit in front of him all day. I have other responsibilities too. She apparently was not understanding the words coming out of my mouth because she suggested that I tell him what to do and give him a deadline to get it done by! WTH?! If I could do that successfully, don't you think I would already be doing that? Caleb is not the average 11 year old. He does not work independently at all. He requires direct supervision at all times. Why do you think I am so tired all the time, huh? It's exhausting! Not only that, but every time I tell Caleb to do something he says no. He argues and complains and makes excuses, anything to not do what I need him to do. It's going to take a long time to break him of this habit. It's not going to resolve itself in one day, one week, or even one month! This is a long term thing I am working on with him. His behavior problems are more important to change, than his academics right now. Are his academics important? Absolutely! But if I can't get him to do a single task without argument, how much am I am going to be able to do with him before I give up? While I appreciate the concern, I do not appreciate being talked to as if I am not doing everything I can as I can. I do not appreciate words from someone who can not fathom what it is like living with Caleb and having to deal with his ADHD and ODD every day. Just like a marathon, I have to pace myself. It may not seem important when you ask me what I am up to, and I say I'm washing the dishes, but I'm the only one here who can wash the dishes. If I have been unable to function for days, I have to catch up. It's important because if I don't do the things I deem important around here, it will cause other problems. for instance pest infestation. Or like with the Bella care, she could have gotten an infection from where she was scratching so hard and broke the skin. Some things just happen and get in the way of handling other things, but everything has its time.
This is exactly why I have to be active in support groups with other parents of children with ADHD and ODD. No one can understand the hardships unless you are living it. I'm highly capable of doing this, but I have to set my own goals and time frames. Every day I have to adjust my expectations according to my pain levels and other health problems. Every day I have to adjust my expectations according to Caleb's mental state. I also have to consider Bella's health as I am in charge of that also. I can not work according to someone else's expectations because they do not consider all the factors of being able to get things done. I am disabled and Caleb is differently abled. We are required to be highly flexible. I do not need extra pressure from anyone right now. I have enough stressors as it is.
Now, Bella has healed, and only has to take her allergy supplement chews every day to prevent another allergy problem. Now, I have caught up on the dishes and am catching up on the kitchen cleaning that I wanted to do Sunday but couldn't. Once it's done, the deep cleaning, it's done! I won't have to do it again for a while. I have so much that I need to catch up on though. For instance, Bella had diarrhea, and had accidents in the house. Caleb did a good temporary clean up at the time, but the carpet needs deep cleaning with the carpet cleaning machine. I am the only one who can do that. I never got around to deep cleaning the living room. I never got to the point that I could clean under the recliner and the chair. I have not been able to clean the bathroom since I gave Bella her spa day, and I usually do that right away. All these things require me to work hard, with the bending over and squatting. It's painful and I am slow to finish because I have to take so many breaks to relieve the stress on my back and legs.
I try to get Caleb to help me as much as possible. If he is working, he is learning good habits. I am teaching him how to care for his home. I am teaching him how to care for his dog, or another living being in general. When I am unable to function, he takes care of us. He is learning how to be a good friend and partner. So, it is not like he is not learning anything. He is just not reading and learning from books.
Besides, if ever there was a time to be worried about keeping clean, it is now.
Other parents with children with ADHD and ODD are going through similar things right now. I read about how the kids are failing their distance learning classes because they can not sit still in front of the computer without direct supervision. I read about how hard it is for working parents who have to leave the child at home to do their work. I read about the troubles with enforcing the IEPs that were created to help the children. Other parents want to withdraw their children too, and have reasons they can't. Other parents want to be able to send their children to school like regular, but we can't right now. It's hard on us all. You would think it was easier on me because I do not have to struggle with working at the same time, but the thing is, I do not work for a good damned reason. It is not because I do not want to work. I would much rather be making good money doing something I love, and building a savings, than being disabled and stuck at home. I would much rather not be in pain or deal with depression. I would love to sleep through the whole night, and wake up refreshed. That's not my life.
I decided to home school because both Caleb and I have so many appointments that he would miss a lot of school while distance learning. Also, Caleb will not sit at a computer all day and follow instructions. I don't know if he could if he wanted to. Caleb knows I am high risk for complications and death due to COVID-19 if I should contract it. He does not want to go back to school in person because of that.
Before COVID-19 Caleb had trouble staying in put in the classroom. He was constantly going to the bathroom and taking side tours of the playground instead of going back to class. He was creating disturbances in the classroom. He would not do his work. He would sit there and not write anything. He just wasn't a good student. That was on a "good" and "regular" day. So, he's not missing much considering that he wasn't paying attention to begin with.
Caleb is behind in math and language arts. He struggles with third grade math and is supposed to a sixth grade student. I can help him with direct one on one training. I have to catch up on these other things first before I can settle down and focus on what needs to be done, without losing my cool.
There was not one single day that I did not get a letter sent home, or a text message, or an email from one or more of Caleb's teachers about his behavior at school last school year. That was more stress than I could deal with. How the Hell am I am supposed to control my son while he is at school? I can't. I'm not there. What the Fuck?
So here we are. It's September 17th, a Thursday, and how far have we come? Well, to be fair, we did have a hurricane, granted it was only a category 1 when it made landfall. I've had maybe one or two successful days of homeschooling for a few hours consecutively, at the beginning. I lost control at some point due to all the appointments we had, and other things occurring that required my immediate attention. I don't remember everything, but then again, that's why I keep a journal.
Nobody said I had to keep the schedule of the public school. I just have to school Caleb 9 months out of the year, that's all that was required. I tried to keep the public school schedule because I thought it would make my life easier, but it didn't. It put too many constraints on me. I can't work like I'm a teacher in a school setting with everything laid out for me and have no complications. I have many complications all the time.
Every day is a learning experience. It all depends on how you look at it. Teachable moments fill the day. I am constantly teaching Caleb one thing or another, it's just that he's not sitting down and reading and writing right now, but he will be.
If professional teachers who only have Caleb for an hour or so a day cannot manage him, what makes you think it is easy for me?
Having said all this makes me realize that I am a Fucking SuperStar! LOL
I need to make myself a water drink and go do my alpha-stim treatment and get some rest. I have a long day in today.
No comments:
Post a Comment